Parents who don’t know how to set rules cannot raise grateful children.

Establishing rules is the beginning of self-cultivation. There is a story in \”The Analects of Confucius: Ji Shi\” called \”Guo Ting Xun\”. One day, Confucius was standing in the courtyard, and his son Kong Li walked over quickly with his head lowered. Confucius stopped him and asked, \”Have you studied poetry?\” Kong Li replied, \”No.\” Confucius said: \”How can you speak without studying poetry?\” The next day, Kong Li met Confucius standing in the courtyard again. Confucius asked: \”Have you learned etiquette?\” Kong Li replied: \”No.\” Confucius said: \”How can you behave if you don\’t learn etiquette?\” etiquette is rules. If you don\’t follow the rules, you can\’t be an adult. As the saying goes: The state has national laws, and every family has family rules; without rules, there is no rule. In a family, there can never be a lack of rules. I have seen many parents who regard letting go as waiting for the flowers to bloom, and regard pampering and doting as happy education. In the end, what was gained was the child\’s lack of awareness of rules, and it was too late to regret. As written in the book \”Family Education\”: \”Freedom with rules is called liveliness, freedom without rules is called wantonness.\” If there are no rules in the family, children will have no principles; parents who do not know how to set rules cannot raise grateful children. . Children\’s enlightenment education video Xiaozhen and the Rainbow Kingdom cartoon download full 30 episodes 1080P ultra-clear 15GB Loving children and establishing rules are never single-choice questions. During the Chinese New Year some time ago, I was chatting with a guest, and the topic of children\’s education unknowingly came up. A friend said that he was very disrespectful at home, and his children were not afraid of him at all. They were always addicted to games, and said that he could answer back a few sentences. For this, he expressed that he was very distressed. Another friend also felt the same way. She said that her child did not like to communicate with her and was very rebellious. She would not listen to anything she said. She could only lament that the child was spoiled as a child. Why does this happen? There are no more than two reasons: first, there are no rules; second, parents are not convinced enough by their children. When a child is ignorant, he has no concept of right and wrong, only likes and dislikes. If his parents blindly obey, he will only take it for granted. As time goes by, children who grow up in this way cannot listen to harsh words and honest advice. There is a sentence in \”Yan\’s Family Instructions\”: \”The strictness between father and son cannot be separated; the love between flesh and blood cannot be simplified. Simple means that kindness and filial piety are not accepted, but separation means slow growth.\” If parents are too indulgent to their children, they will make them Children lose their bottom line; and if it is too strict, it will make children rebellious. A home must have both warmth and rules. \”Loving children\” and \”setting rules\” are indispensable. Professor Li Meijin once said that before the child is 6 years old, rules should be set for him to let him know what he can do and what he cannot do. Establishing rules from an early age, guiding and educating them in appropriate ways, so that children know how to love themselves and their families is far more effective and important than waiting until the children grow up to be disobedient and then hitting and scolding them hard and discipline them. I once read a story in a children\’s picture book: Son: \”If I make feathers fly all over the pillow, will you still love me?\” Mom: \”I will always love you, but you have to collect the feathers.\” Son: \”If I spill painting paint on my sister, will you still love me?\” Mom: \”I will always love you, but you have to be responsible for bathing your sister.\” The mother\’s approach in the story is particularly good. She took the trouble to tell her child guarantee\”I love you forever\”. At the same time, he did not forget to emphasize: Children, you must be responsible for your own actions and you must bear the consequences of your actions. When a child makes a mistake, parents cannot help the child escape. Instead, they should let the child learn to take responsibility and give the child the honesty and courage to face the mistake. In the final analysis, whether you hope that your son will become a dragon or you hope that your daughter will become a phoenix, the prerequisite is to let the child become a \”person\” first. This is what \”setting the rules\” means. Establishing rules is not unilateral coercion. Next, let’s talk about what “rules” are. Let’s take the most common things in our lives, such as eating. If parents set rules for their children: when you must eat, how much you must eat, and when you must finish. In fact, this is not a rule, at most it is a compulsion. The rules should be like this: specify when to start and when to finish the meal, the same for the whole family. During this time, no one can eat or eat less, but if this time passes, no one will have snacks. In other words, rules are not requirements imposed on a certain object, but principles that everyone must abide by. If you just set rules unilaterally, you are infringing on other people\’s freedom. If parents do not include themselves when setting rules, or even set rules for their children while breaking them themselves, it will only make their children feel disgusted. Therefore, don’t set rules for your children in one direction. All rules at home must be aimed at two or more people. Otherwise, it is not called a rule, but an order. There is a saying by Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty that we are familiar with: \”Using copper as a mirror, you can straighten your clothes; using ancient times as a mirror, you can see the ups and downs; using people as a mirror, you can know the gains and losses.\” The rules we set are not just a mirror. . As the saying goes: The heart is like rules, the ambition is like a ruler, calm like water, and upright like a rope. With rules, people will have the bottom line and principles for being a human being. The rules set in the family will subtly affect everyone in the family. Parents should also use rules to strictly demand themselves, especially in the way they treat their children, and they should not do whatever they want. For example, you must do what you promised your child. This is not only a matter of prestige, but also sets a good example of obeying the rules in the child\’s mind. Every move of the parents will be deeply imprinted on the child\’s heart; the family environment will ultimately be reflected in the child\’s long future life. Parents changing their concepts, growing up with their children, and jointly creating a good family environment are the panacea for raising outstanding children. Only a well-behaved family can raise grateful children. There has been a voice circulating on the Internet: The greatest sorrow of Chinese parents is that they give everything but cannot raise grateful children. It is nature and instinct for parents to love their children. Even the vast majority of Chinese parents spend their entire lives living for their children. When the children were young, they were afraid of being dropped, afraid of being bumped, afraid of running out of clothes, and afraid that the food would be unpalatable… When the children grew up, they helped them fill out their volunteers, find jobs, and find houses… I wish I could help them with everything. Make decisions and pave the way. Educator Makarenko once said: \”Give everything to the child, sacrifice everything for him, even sacrifice your own happiness. This isIt is the most terrible gift a parent can give to a child. \”Children who grow up under the doting of their parents only grow their bodies, not their minds. Do you still remember Wang Jiajing, the international student in the \”airport matricide case\”? After studying in Japan for five years, all of Wang Jiajing\’s food and clothing expenses were provided by her mother. Provided, and he has always spent money lavishly, often inviting friends to spend more than 10,000 yuan in some high-end areas. The mother\’s income is only 7,000 yuan per month, but she still spends all her money. When her son reaches out, she So she raised money from everywhere to send it to her son. Until she borrowed money from everywhere and could no longer come up with the money, Wang Jiajing did not understand her mother\’s difficulty. Instead, she escalated her dissatisfaction into resentment and turned against her mother with a knife. Her parents\’ endless and unconditional dedication , can only raise parasitic giant babies without any sense of gratitude in return. For a child who does not know how to be grateful, no matter how much his parents give, it is just the norm in his eyes. Once this norm is broken, the feeling in his heart will be Resentment will devour him. Many parents are eager to give the best things in the world to their children, but in fact, the best things often do not need to be deliberately searched for, because they are always around. That is high-quality companionship. It is a firm look and deep love. As the saying goes, \”If you cultivate yourself, your family will be in order, and if your family is in order, then your country will be governed.\” Instead of constantly satisfying your children materially, it is better to enrich your children spiritually. Establishing rules is the beginning of self-cultivation; a well-regulated family , can be called a \”family\”. There is a wonderful metaphor: raising children is like flying a kite, you need it to fly high, and you need it to stay on the line. Rules are that line. Children can go to the vastness by themselves. The world, and the meaning of rules is to allow him to stick to his heart and not lose his way in a complicated society. As for how to establish rules, please remember these three points: First, it is \”consistency inside and outside.\” For example Spitting is not allowed at home, and it is also not allowed outside. Instead of one thing today and another thing tomorrow, one thing at home and another thing outside. This will only make the children confused and at a loss. Secondly, it is \”the whole family is consistent.\” The most fearful thing about setting rules is the inconsistency among family members. For example, you just set the rule of \”you can only eat one piece of chocolate a week\”, and the elderly family members turn around and buy a lot for the children to eat as much as they can. Such a rule cannot be established. Finally, it is \”consistent attitude.\” Parents must have a firm attitude before and after setting rules, and cannot change them overnight. Children must realize that unreasonable demands cannot be met. In this way, children will not feel confused and can Only by understanding the boundaries of rules can we truly establish a sense of rules. The purpose of rules is not to imprison or restrict, but to educate. It is not only the children who need to obey the rules, but also the parents. Parents\’ example and precepts are better than any teaching. The purpose of a well-behaved family is not to cultivate an \”obedient\” puppet, but a child with independent personality and excellent moral character. China has been known as a country of etiquette since ancient times. It has its own set of rules and regulations for dealing with others. Respect teachers. Respect your elders: When you meet your elders, you should take the initiative to say hello; you should not call your elders by their names, but use their honorifics; when eating, you should wait for the elders to use chopsticks first; younger generations should respectfully receive things given by their elders with both hands; the elders should stand stillThe younger generation cannot sit down, and the younger generation must stand up when the elders come… Observe etiquette and etiquette: do not make loud noises in public places; do not point at people, gods, or Buddha statues; do not smack or make strange noises when eating; guests do not eat After the meal, the host should not get up first; do not stand in the middle of other people\’s doors, and do not step on the threshold when passing the door… These customary rules and taboos in life are the rules passed down by our ancestors, and they are also the upbringings deeply engraved in our bones. . In a well-behaved family, the husband and wife are harmonious, the elders and the younger are in order, the father and the son are related, and the family tradition is upright. On the contrary, a family that ignores rules cannot raise well-behaved children, let alone be grateful. Just like what is said in the book \”Rules and Love\”: Zhou Hong Appreciation Education Case Video Original Full Series 6VCD+mp3 When growing up in love without rules, children lose gratitude; growing up in rules without love, children learn Inferiority; growing up without rules and love, children lose awe; growing up with rules and love, children learn humility and self-confidence.