01 A friend of mine once cried to me and said that his child seemed to be a completely different person after entering puberty. I used to be well-behaved and obedient, but now I lose my temper at every turn. I feel crazy every day and I can’t say anything or scold me! After school, I went straight to my room, bang! Once closed and locked, you have to talk through the door! Whenever I try to communicate with him, he always selectively \”cannot hear\” and even responds with indifference and anger. How can parents ignore this when they see it? At the beginning, there were all kinds of worries, forced intervention, and eagerness to change. As a result, the parent-child relationship became increasingly tense. Later, after listening to my suggestions, I tried to change my attitude and approach to give my children more room for autonomy. Slowly, the child became willing to communicate with her again. In family education, the struggle between parents and adolescent children is often frustrating. Many parents will resort to strong-arm tactics to try to \”win\” the fight, but that victory often has more serious consequences. If parents cannot control their emotions, they may explode suddenly and say some hurtful words impulsively, and the children may become even more impulsive under the stimulation of these words. As a result, a war inevitably occurred. 02Adolescent children are in the psychological weaning period. At this time, children\’s body and mind begin to move from childishness to maturity, and their strongest desire is to get rid of the dependence of our parents. Education expert Chen Mo said: \”When children feel that they are not allowed to grow up, they begin to resist.\” Where there is oppression, there is resistance. The stronger the oppression, the greater the resistance. Some mothers said that although they know how to exercise restraint, it is really difficult because they will also have emotional breakdowns and need someone to cover up their emotions. Often, teammates cannot rely on them and they have to rely on their own strength to take care of their children. Emotions are really difficult. In fact, it’s okay for a mother to get angry occasionally. You don’t have to suppress yourself deliberately. That’s not good either. If you can’t bear it one day, just get angry once. The child won’t get angry because of this. Pay attention. Don\’t treat losing your temper as the norm, just do it every day. Our children can feel our tolerance, understanding, love and care for them, so they will not become enemies with their mother just because she has a bad temper. Maintaining the relationship should be done at ordinary times. As long as the parent-child relationship is good, there won\’t be any big problems. Those who turn against each other because of a quarrel do so because they have accumulated too much resentment and negative energy. That quarrel was just the straw that broke the camel\’s back. Of course, tolerance alone is not enough, the important thing is empathy. Looking at the child\’s behavior from another angle, in fact, there is no need to be angry about many things. Just turn the big things into small ones. There is no need to have to go on the line and argue about right and wrong. Don\’t compete with adolescent children. So what if you win? If you win the child, you still lose in the final analysis. 03 Being tough with your children will not solve the problem. Understanding, respecting and communicating are the only way out. If you change your strategy and let go of control, you may be able to see a turnaround! When getting along with adolescent children, you must do these \”three things\”: 1. Keep your mouth shut and keep your parents\’ mouths shut, because when children reach adolescence, they willI really hate my parents nagging me. At this time, our parents must speak concisely and clearly. If we can express it in 10 words, we must not use 11 words. Sometimes it is better not to say anything than to say too much and make mistakes. 2. Control your legs. When you have a conflict with your child and both parties are emotional, you can tell your child that I feel we both need to calm down, and then you can leave the situation. Give both parties a buffer space, wait until you both calm down, and then communicate together to find a solution. 3. Control your heart. Controlling your heart is our emotions. You will find that many times we have conflicts with our children, which are actually caused by our emotional instability. Therefore, when we notice that we have emotions, we must not explode immediately. You can take three deep breaths. After you take three deep breaths, your emotional level will drop. This can avoid the chain reaction caused by your emotional outburst.
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