What happened to those sensible children?

I don’t know since when, being sensible and well-behaved seems to have become the highest praise for a child. Every time I pick up my daughter, I can always hear conversations like this: Your child is so smart. You are smart, but you are disobedient. Your child is good, sensible and obedient. The children listening nearby can\’t help but think that as long as they behave well, adults will be happy. If they listen to adults and observe their faces and act, adults will think that I am sensible. Parents all hope that their children can act and live according to their own will, so that many troubles can be solved in one go. However, they ignore that although their children are still young physically and mentally, they also have their own choices and ideas. They begin to deprive their children of their sense of independence in childhood. , then this child will inevitably fall into mediocrity when he grows up. Because sensible children actually lack love and security in their hearts. I remember that when I was young, I was a very willful child. Every time my parents took me to the street and saw a doll I liked, no matter how many toys there were at home, I would always clamor to buy it back, although I would use tears as a weapon every time. Blackmail, but when I finally got the doll, my heart was full of joy and love. Because I know that no matter how disobedient or bad I am, my parents love me the same, and this kind of safe and unconditional love was also well reflected when I grew up and went to college far away. During speaking engagements, I dared to insist on opinions and ideas with which I had different opinions, even if I was the only one who was against it. Even when I was in love, I talked about it vividly, giving full play to my character of daring to love and hate. After graduating from college, I strengthened my heart Voice, and finally successfully entered a Fortune 500 company. But my little cousin, who has been sensible and obedient since childhood, has lived a completely different life from me. When she was a child, she was the most sensible among all the children. When she was studying, she was the quietest one in the class. After work, she , she is a good person in the work, and she is a good wife and mother when she gets married, but this girl who has been sensible since she was a child has been diagnosed with depression. I went to the hospital to visit her, and she cried and said to me, \”In fact, I have been very envious of you since I was a child, because you always get what you want, but in order to gain the favor of others, I ignore my true feelings.\” My cousin\’s parents didn\’t have a good relationship, and they even said they didn\’t love her that much. When she was a child, when she saw a toy she liked and sensed that her parents had no intention of buying it, she silently swallowed her words. I was afraid that if I didn\’t listen to them, they would stop loving me, she cried. After discovering that she could gain hobbies by sacrificing her own ideas to cater to her parents, her cousin became more and more like that sensible child in other people\’s families. In the class, in order to win the favor of other children, my cousin was unwilling to lend her homework to them for plagiarism, but she finally agreed silently. She was afraid that she would be jealous of her colleagues because she was too good at work, so even though she was capable, she performed well. Even in the later love and marriage, he always pretended to be independent and did not bother his lover. He even had a fever and wanted his lover to take care of him, but he did not dare to trouble others even with this simple matter. Because deep down in her heart she felt thatReally, a child with his own needs is not worthy of being loved. If this child wants to get love, he can only sacrifice himself, give, and please others. However, such a person will never be able to establish a truly intimate relationship with others. She Like an abused kitten, it longs for love but stays away from people. But being sensible should not be like this. A child\’s being sensible should not be a fear of parental authority, nor should it be a concession in exchange for praise, nor should it be an inferiority complex of licking wounds alone. Because the true meaning of being sensible is to understand and accept the needs and feelings of others. When you feel your child\’s truest emotions and needs, your child will also feel yours, because a child who grows up with love and understanding will also Give back to your parents as well. Child psychologist Piaget said: Many children who were very good when they were young will develop various psychological problems when they grow up. Because they are accustomed to leading their lives to satisfy other people\’s wishes and gain others\’ approval, they ignore their own real thoughts and needs, and are depressed and very painful for a long time. We often say that if you have money, you will be willful, and if you don’t have money, you will be restrained. Similarly, for an innocent and lively child, only when his parents have sufficient love and security, he will dare to do things, dare to make troubles, and \”act wildly\”. When you find that your child has abilities that are beyond those of his peers. When you are sensible, you must be vigilant and reflect on whether your own requirements are too strict, which leads to your child\’s precocious observation of words and expressions. The biggest purpose of children coming into this world is not to become a unified template under our control, but to let us experience the joy of unconditional love. Parents’ guidance should be gentle, respect their children’s ideas, and let them be independent and happy. Growth is the best gift we can give them.