Why are children who are \”left alone\” more likely to become academic leaders? You will understand after reading this article

\”I wrote 6 words in one hour, and I really couldn\’t hold it in anymore.\” A mother cried to me. His son is in fourth grade and has been having more and more problems recently. In the past, I could get more than 90 points in the exam. Now, if I study hard every day, I can only get 70 or 80 points. The teacher assigned the composition and helped him analyze the topic. The writing angle and the parts were also confirmed with him. As a result, he was able to hold back 6 words in an hour. \”When you do your homework, you can still do it if you watch from the side, but if you don\’t watch, he can poke the rubber through!\” When the mood gets worse, she will scold the child very fiercely. But she said her son was just like the \”tree\”, motionless and unresponsive. \”The tree still has bark. Sometimes I think he has no face or skin.\” What made her even more depressed was that the neighbor\’s child was in the same school and class as her own child, but his condition was completely different from her son\’s. Parents don\’t have to worry too much, and the children grow up well on their own. \”I never force him to study, let alone guard him like me. But his child takes the initiative to learn, and even cries when he doesn\’t do well in the exam. He even wins the Mathematical Olympiad… sometimes it means his life.\” Many parents spend a lot of money The efforts and financial resources are devoted to the children, but little is gained (some even turn against each other). On the other hand, in some families with top academics, it seems that the children have high self-esteem and are self-disciplined. They do not need supervision at all. They have their own goals and know how to work hard. As time goes by, many parents will inevitably wonder: Are academic leaders born? Is it difficult for some children to become talented no matter how hard they are taught? The American \”Time\” magazine once made an observation that most of those children who develop well are indeed \”free range\”. But this is only part of the truth, not the whole truth… \”Freezing\” is not a multiple-choice question, but a question of proportion and quality. We often hear parents of top academics say, \”I seldom care about my children\” – does that mean we are like them? \”Let go\”, the child will get better and better? Obviously not. If you compare a top student to a big tree with lush branches, \”freezing\” is just the part you see, growing wantonly against the sunlight. And under the ground that you can\’t see, there are well-developed root systems and fertile soil. In the book \”Little Everyday Life, Big Miracles\”, a very clear division is made, called: free-range, self-raising and foster care. Self-raising – as the name suggests, it means that parents raise and teach children by themselves. It is usually the part that many parents use to watch their children do their homework and take care of their children\’s eating, drinking and diarrhea; parents who are overachievers usually spend more energy on cultivating their children\’s basic abilities in the early stages (such as intimacy, general education, critical thinking) strength, concentration, etc.). Foster care is when we entrust our children to others (schools, institutions, society, or elders, aunts, etc.). For example, we send our children to school, enroll them in training classes, put them in summer camps, or directly ask elders to take care of them. Free range – completely allowing children to move and learn freely. For example, children can read and complete homework by themselves, play with toys, daze, draw, and make \”inventions\” by themselves, etc., which can all be called \”free-range\”. These three parts add up to the entire upbringing of a child. With this division, you will have at least two insights: 1. Then \”freeze\” the childrenParents, they will all have their own and foster children (there is no absolute \”free range\”). 2. Different families have different effects and distribution proportions of self-raising, foster care, and free-range care due to differences in parenting concepts, time, energy, and resources. \”Stocking\” is never a multiple-choice question of \”yes or no\”, but a matter of distribution proportion and execution quality. We see that \”students are raised by free-range\”, but the truth is: the reasonable distribution, full utilization, high efficiency and high-quality execution of these three parenting models create the characteristics of \”students\” in some children. , so that their parents can liberate themselves-to achieve high-quality \”free-range\”. Wang Xiao, the author of \”Little Daily Life, Big Miracles\”, is an elite woman who uses high-quality self-raise and foster care to cultivate children\’s self-motivation. She has her own business and writing career, while also pursuing high standards of self-growth. As you can imagine, she had very little time to devote to her children. But she did raise her daughter very well – not only a top student, but also a squash champion. She also held her own art exhibitions, designed products, and formed a small self-disciplined group of children. In addition, she and her daughter have a harmonious parent-child relationship. How could she do so much with the same 24 hours a day? From her parenting sharing, we can get a glimpse of how many parents who are top academics spend limited time (a lot of time \”freezing\”) to raise outstanding children. In this regard, even as ordinary parents, their perspectives and methods have a lot to learn from. In this book, Wang Xiao tells us that she will use three parenting methods to plan five types of time for her children. She believes that children will eventually leave their adults and their original families, and they need to learn to control their own time, make every key decision, and face survival and social interaction on their own. Therefore, every day of raising her children, she is preparing for her children\’s departure and independence, and cultivating their children\’s ability to \”auto-cruise\”. For example, in her precious self-care time, she believes that the quality of care is more important than the absolute duration. She will not always pay attention to the details of study and life, but will try her best to use her own advantages to influence children. For example, if she is good at drawing, she will arrange a time every week to \”exchange drawings\” with her child; the father of the child is good at math, and from Monday to Thursday, there will be parent-child math time between father and daughter. Only by raising children in their own areas of expertise can parents \”shine\” in front of their children and become role models. In addition, when she can free herself from foster care, she will spend her time on how to find more suitable foster care resources for her children. For example, a \”family meeting system\” can be developed to mobilize family members to cooperate in child care; a \”interest class inspection list\” can be used to help children find more reliable institutions; a \”children\’s time management system\” can be established to help children clarify directions and plan time, etc. The five types of time she plans for her children are as follows: healthy time – to help children fall in love with sports and develop lifelong exercise habits; fun time – to keep children curious and give them time and space to breathe freely; survival time ——Let children master methods to overcome adversity and become self-disciplined and tenacious (for example, completing their studies well); achievement time——- Cultivate children\’s core competitiveness that will benefit them throughout their lives, and become confident and powerful (for example, developing sustained expertise); flow time – allow children to devote themselves wholeheartedly to becoming focused and efficient. She uses the goals in these five areas to guide the child and determine who should accompany the child (or herself) to do something at a certain moment. And with these high-quality self-care and foster care, children will have more and more time to \”freeze\” – have good habits, good abilities, curiosity, resilience, confidence, and focus. Strength… the child will have a good sense of self, and a good sense of self will give birth to a strong self-driving force, and then enter a virtuous circle. Therefore, what we see is that the children who are top academics are being \”freed\”. But the truth is, \”stocking\” is just that. People\’s \”good steel\” (time, money, energy) has long been used on the blade. Parents who really dare to let go are using the \”field parenting method\”. Finally, \”let go\” seems to be the best way to operate – isn\’t it just \”put your hands away and let him go\”? But the \”free rein\” of parents who are top academics, do they really let their children do whatever they like? There is great wisdom behind this too. To truly \”freeze\”, you must first get rid of your own inner uneasiness: Is the child safe? Is the person who comes into contact with the child reliable? No one is watching, does he know what he should do? Will he spend his time on things that make him gain something instead of making him more and more \”down\”? In order to solve these problems, Wang Xiao also gave a very useful method in the book called \”field parenting method\”. The word \”field\” comes from sociology and refers to the physical environment where people are located, the behavior of others, and many factors connected to it. Each of our actions will be affected by the \”field\”. The same person will be affected differently and do different things in different situations. In other words, the field has an indescribable \”atmosphere and temperament\” that directly affects the child\’s behavior. In the \”field\”, adults do not need to make additional management or requirements for children. They just naturally convey positive information to children, and children will follow. For example, if your whole family likes to use their mobile phones and always play Douyin very loudly, then the child will think that it is okay to be noisy and disrespectful to others, and it is normal to lie down while playing with the mobile phone. If you can do it but I can\’t, then you are depriving me of my rights. On the contrary, if the family members all love reading, playing sports, and have a sense of time, then he will unconsciously whisper, or feel that if he does not move, he will be \”unsociable.\” So, if you are busy and dissatisfied, you should not nag your children to do something quickly or make changes. Rather, you should first be a little bit like you expect him to be, even if it means working together. To raise children is to raise yourself again. Parents must learn to devote limited time to their children while developing themselves at the same time. (If you always have higher demands on your children——) This is not a luxury, but a necessity.