Xi Mengyao fell on stage but was praised, \”You are the best.\” A mother should never say this to her child

Everyone knows about the Victoria’s Secret show these days, right? People in the streets were talking about it, but it wasn\’t how great the show was, but how badly Xi Mengyao fell. Yesterday morning while having breakfast, I talked about this topic with my son\’s father. We discussed her series of performances after the fall, the professionalism of the model, and the mixed comments from celebrities and melon-eating people. I said that in fact, under such circumstances, Xi Mengyao should feel infinite regret and self-blame in her heart. Those celebrities left messages on her Weibo, saying \”you are the best\” and so on. These words seemed to be encouragement, but in fact This is Xi Mengyao’s nightmare. If we continue to encourage our child with such words after he has a problem, the child will be ruined. Even if we usually praise our children, we cannot always say empty words such as \”You are the best\” and \”You did a good job.\” My father looked at me puzzled. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t say “You are the best.” He asked, “Don’t you mean that children should be encouraged, affirmed, and praised? Why can’t they say you are great instead?” Me We made a detailed analysis starting from the series of psychological states of Victoria\’s Secret Fashion Show and Xi Mengyao after they fell! The Victoria\’s Secret show is a global visual and fashion feast that attracts a lot of attention. Walking in the Victoria\’s Secret Fashion Show is a lifelong dream for many supermodels. Once on the Victoria\’s Secret Fashion Show, a model\’s net worth will increase several times. It is said that Liu Wen, the first Chinese supermodel to walk on the Victoria\’s Secret stage, has an annual income of almost US$35 million! ! Approximately more than 200 million people! This is the first time that such a high-profile show is held in China this year, so there is no doubt that everyone attaches great importance to it. The same goes for Xi Mengyao. She must be excited, nervous and proud to be selected to participate in the catwalk again in her home city of Shanghai. Some people said that she fell down on purpose because she wanted to become famous and enter the entertainment industry. This should not be the case. Participating in the Victoria\’s Secret Show is in any case an affirmation of her professional identity. With her status as a supermodel in the Victoria\’s Secret Show, her worth will have more room for improvement. If she loses this special identity, If she enters the entertainment industry like this, she won\’t have much capital to compete with the little girls in the entertainment industry, so she shouldn\’t deliberately fall. She didn\’t expect this fall. She was excitedly wearing beautiful clothes and suddenly slipped and fell. Looking at the slow motion, it should be that the tulle floated to the front when she was interacting sideways with the audience. She stepped on it and became unstable. Pour. With Xi Mengyao\’s professional status, such a mistake should not be made, especially on such an important stage. This was the worst fall in the history of Victoria\’s Secret. It was completely beyond her expectation. She fell into a daze and stopped for more than 10 seconds before getting up. After standing up, bend over and arch your back, trying to keep smiling. At this moment, she should be super depressed inside, but the embarrassment has already occurred. At a loss, she can only try to cover up her inner frustration with a smile. If she was prepared to fall on purpose, she would never behave like this when she got up from the ground, because only a professional response like other supermodels would win her more applause and praise! It was precisely because she was completely unprepared that she had such a completely substandard response. It gets bigger as you walkSmile and respond with a sorry expression. The final posture was even completely transformed, completely unlike being on a show stage. This kind of unprofessional behavior can’t even be tolerated by us masses. I don’t think Xi Mengyao himself has the courage to read this section over and over again! Because the fall was so tragic and embarrassing, the first thing Xi Mengyao\’s team considered immediately was crisis public relations, at least to save their own image first. Especially when she said on the show that if she fell down on the Victoria\’s Secret stage, she would retire. Regardless of whether she wanted to retire or not, at least she couldn\’t express her intention to retire first, so after the show, she quickly posted a Weibo message. Then, the most surprising scene appeared. Half of the stars in the entertainment industry quickly rushed to Xi Mengyao\’s side. Leave a message on Weibo to encourage her. Everyone\’s words are almost the same: \”You are the best\”, \”You are really great\”. It looks like it is full of love and very inspiring! But what if you think about it from Xi Mengyao’s perspective? She has fallen like this, been so embarrassed, performed so poorly, and yet everyone still said I was the best. Do you think she would really appreciate the encouragement and praise in her heart? Generally, we don’t feel too much about things that happen to others, so let’s use some scenarios and problems to think about them without caring about them! You are about to participate in a bidding, but when you arrive at the venue, you find that your computer is broken, and the videos and PPTs you carefully prepared are gone. You have to bite the bullet and speak without a demonstration. From the audience\’s perspective, You will know how bad your performance is from the reaction, and sure enough, the bid failed. You go back to the office frustrated, pretending to be strong, pretending not to care and saying you will try harder next time. At this time, your colleagues come over to you one after another and say \”you are the best\” and \”you are really great\”. What does it feel like? Do you think your colleagues are sincerely complimenting you, or do you doubt their sincerity? Or you just came out of the gym, wearing loose sportswear, and you met an acquaintance. He came over to you with a smile and said hello: \”You are always dressed so fashionably!\” How would you react in your heart? Do you really feel that your clothes are very fashionable, or do you immediately deny it in your heart: \”I am dressed so ordinary and so bloated, and you actually call me fashionable?\” Or maybe you invited a few friends to your home for dinner, and originally wanted to show off your skills, but that day For some reason, your overall cooking skills are not mastered well. The ribs are burnt, the fish is not fully steamed, the vegetables are too salty, and the soup has no salt… Looking at the expressions of your friends who find it difficult to swallow, you feel very sorry. But when your friends say to you, \”You\’re the best! Your cooking skills are amazing!\” Do you feel happy and relieved, or do you feel deeper guilt and depression? Therefore, not every \”you are so good\”, \”you are the best\” and \”you are so awesome\” will bring people stability, joy and happiness. Overuse of these compliments can make everyone feel uncomfortable. Similarly, Xi Mengyao made such a serious mistake. It was difficult for her to respond to everyone on Weibo and say: \”Thank you, I accept your praise. I am outstanding.\” Because she admitted that she was the best, she I really can’t survive in the supermodel world anymore. She is moreShe couldn\’t say this in private, because privately, the wrestling and subsequent performance made her feel ashamed. Under such circumstances, she could only use the words of her friends to explain more about her behavior. So Chen Xuedong would post a photo of her swollen feet and tell everyone that her feet were swollen like this. Isn\’t this not dedicated enough? Xie Na even explained in detail why she fell. This would make Xi Mengyao feel better: At least I was injured on the catwalk! Now everyone knows that saying \”you are the best\” is not genuine praise, encouragement and praise. Even if you really feel this way in your heart, it will not make the person being encouraged truly feel that they are affirmed and encouraged. This is especially true for children. Think about it, everyone, if you say to a child who draws messily, with colors out of frame, and the rabbit he draws looks like a vaguely outline dinosaur, \”your painting is the best work I have ever seen\”, the child will really know how to do it. Do you accept your review? Or your child is learning piano and has just passed Level 2. When she gets the certificate, you say to her: \”You are great! You have a perfect sense of music. You are a musical genius!\” Will the child be happy? When you teach it 20 times, the child still can\’t count from 1 to 20. In such a frustrating situation, you tell him: \”You are the best, you are the smartest in the world!\” Wouldn\’t the child not be able to count from 1 to 20? Feel embarrassed? Therefore, rough words such as \”Awesome\”, \”You are great\” and \”You are the smartest\” are not only unhelpful to children\’s growth, but may scare them, make them feel uneasy, and make them feel that they are not worthy of such comments. Sometimes children will doubt the sincerity of what you say, sometimes it will force them to think about their own shortcomings, leading to immediate denial, and sometimes these praises and encouragements may even make children feel that they are being manipulated. So how do we encourage and affirm children? A better way is to describe what you see or feel in an appreciative tone. The expression should be full of joy and appreciation, and the words should convey recognition, respect and understanding of the child\’s efforts. For example, the room you just cleaned is messed up by your child again. You are very angry and endure it until his play is over. At your request, the child tidied away the toys. You say to him: \”You cleaned up the toys, you are awesome!\” Such words will make the child think: \”I am not as good as my mother said, I just throw the toys into the toy box in a mess! There are a few more I just kicked them into the corner.\” A better way to praise is: \”I saw you did a lot of work just now! You put the car back into their garage and put Ultraman into their garage. At home, your glass balls were picked up and put into boxes. After they came home, I also returned to my warm home!\” At this time, the child will feel in his heart, \”Oh, it turns out that I really know how to clean the room. Of course, some parents are used to saying to their children, “You are awesome! \”That\’s great.\” At this time, behind the empty words, you can add some specific descriptions to help the child understand that you are truly affirming. For example, when the child\’s painting is selected to participate in the art exhibition, you happily say to him Said: \”Awesome! \”At this time, specific evaluation needs to be added: \”You have been selected.That painting was drawn very carefully. You carefully outlined the lines for it, and then after careful consideration and comparison, you selected good-looking colors, and then carefully and patiently painted them little by little. They were painted very carefully and did not run away. Looking outside the frame, the lines of this painting are smoother and the colors are more detailed. I was impressed at first sight. \”Or you can give a positive summary of your child\’s behavior in one word. For example, when your child is learning to write and he insists on writing for half an hour, although the words are still crooked, you can affirm him like this: \”You have spent half an hour. Writing those words every hour is called perseverance. \”You can also affirm your child\’s handwriting. Of course, it\’s not to say: \”Your handwriting is very serious.\” You should find a few words that he writes well to make a magnified affirmation. For example, \”This is a big character.\” When you start to write horizontally, you pause for a moment. There is a slight upward slope, and the stroke is written just in the middle of the lower left half of the square. The last stroke stretches left and right, which is very powerful. \”This will let the child know what is good about this word and let him see his own efforts. The next time he writes, he will work harder. There are many, many different ways to encourage and affirm. I will do more in the future when I have the opportunity. Detailed sharing. As long as everyone tries to be clear and detailed on the basis of facts, children can benefit from it. I also remind everyone that when children do something wrong, they face setbacks, mistakes, sadness, etc. When you are young, you must not say to him: \”You are awesome! \”You are the best\” will only make the child lost and at a loss. At this time, it is even more necessary to use clear and detailed language to describe the facts you just saw, and then describe and accept the child\’s Emotions, let children vent their true emotions. For example: 5-year-old Xiao Di was selected by the teacher to participate in a picture book performance. He has to play a cute big lion. Xiao Di is happy and practices seriously every day. Performance Xiao Di was very excited that day. For the first time, he discovered that so many people came to watch his performance. In addition to the children in the whole kindergarten, there were also their parents. Finally it was Xiao Di\’s turn to perform. Xiao Di ran at his usual speed. On the stage, who knew that he accidentally lost his footing and fell to the ground? Xiao Di was stunned and a little at a loss. It wasn\’t until the teacher ran to the stage and signaled Xiao Di to get up that Xiao Di stood up from the ground, but his mind was blank, including actions and lines. I forgot all about it. Seeing Xiao Di standing on the stage blankly, laughing again. With great difficulty, Xiao Di finally finished speaking the lines under the prompts of the teacher. The show is over. As a mother, you Neither can we say: \”You finished the show, you are the best!\” \”You can\’t scold the child: \”Why are you so careless on such an important occasion? You are so stupid. You fell down and forgot your lines. Why are there such a stupid child like you!\” \”But hold the child in your arms and say to him: \”When you came on stage just now, you couldn\’t walk steadily and sat down on the ground. Mom looked at you and your face turned pale. Did you feel very sad at that moment? sad/scared/nervous,You feel like you ruined the show. \”If the child nods, you can continue to guide. If the child expresses nothing, you can choose a word to describe the emotion and let the child accurately find his own emotion. Then continue to describe: \”You don\’t know why it hurts so much when you fall. , no one came up to help you, and laughed at you. You feel hurt and sad, and you still don’t know why everyone is laughing. You don’t know how to continue the performance, so you have to stand on the stage, but everyone laughs harder, which makes you a little panicked and you don’t know what to do. However, no matter how nervous you are, you still insisted on finishing your lines and performing the show, and did not become a deserter. This is the professionalism of an actor. \”During this process, whenever the child cries, the mother must accept him, accurately describe his emotions in words, and let the child vent his emotions. The more specific the description, the more the child\’s emotions will be vented. Acceptance, the warmer he will feel, and he will know how to remedy it the next time he encounters similar setbacks and mistakes. Otherwise, the child will be more nervous next time, and the situation will continue. When you just start to encourage and accept the detailed description like this , you may feel uncomfortable, but as long as you work hard, you will become more and more proficient, and your relationship with your children will get better and better!