A good mother is not a \”perfect mother\” but a \”just-right mother\”

A company in Boston posted a job ad, which was posted online and in newspapers, followed by real interviews, for the position of Director of Operations. Job responsibilities and requirements are quite extensive: Requires standing most or all of the time, constant physical exertion Work at least 135 hours per week Requires excellent negotiation and interpersonal skills as multiple jobs are required, preferably with a background in medicine, finance There are no holidays for those with academic degrees in cooking, and they are paid 0 for overtime work. This \”hardest job in the world\” may sound a bit \”inhumane\”, but in fact, billions of people around the world are doing this job. , they are – mothers. Yes, mothers are not only hard-working, but also very difficult – they know that every move they make has an impact on their children, so they act cautiously, hoping to contribute everything they have to their children and meet all their needs. Speaking of this, I think of the reality show \”Mom is Superman\” that I watched in the previous stage. In it, Yi Nengjing can take good care of her daughter and do all the housework. She also cooks delicious meals for her two sons and has good parenting skills. Hu Ke, who can take care of both career and family very well… They are called \”perfect mothers\” and are the role models and goals for many new mothers. Too many mothers hope that they can be like that, omnipotent: in order to give their children the best, they are very harsh on themselves, especially afraid that they will make mistakes in the parenting process; they make all kinds of perfect plans and follow their children tirelessly. Urge and remind; regard the child\’s setback as a kind of failure, self-blame, guilt, and anxiety, and then strengthen control over the child… Mothers constantly force themselves to grow and make progress, and in the midst of stress, they realize that being a mother means being strong. Pride and sense of achievement, but is such \”perfection\” really necessary? When the child is still an infant, the mother must fully adapt to his various needs and provide sufficient satisfaction. It is necessary to be a \”perfect mother\”. But as the child grows older, this \”perfection\” may become a constraint: on the one hand, the mother\’s excessive tension will limit the child\’s ability to do things; on the other hand, the mother\’s omnipotence may cause the child to be overly dependent. . Therefore, Winnicott\’s parent-child theory explains: The process of becoming a competent mother may be a process of transforming from an \”ideal mother\” to a \”just-right mother.\” My understanding of this sentence is: 1. Don’t have 360-degree maternal love, avoid over-satisfying the child, and give the child enough space to grow independently; 2. As the child grows older, the mother must learn to gradually let go , return the focus to yourself. To learn to be a \”just right mother\”, you must learn to ignore and let go: 1. Learn to ignore the child\’s deliberate crying or destruction due to coquettishness; ignore that the child will continue to hit the wall and be frustrated in the process of trial and error; ignore some aspects of oneself By working hard, you can still do well or be good at it…you don\’t have to push yourself to be \”perfect\”, so that you can feel less nervous and anxious. You know, how many children are timid, imbecile, and have poor adaptability, all because they have an anxious child at home. Mom: Giving your children space to adjust themselves will make them more brave and exploratory, rather than having their personality suppressed and hiding everything.Behind the Almighty Mother. 2. Learn to let go and let children do things boldly according to their own opinions and personalities; let go and when things go against expectations, do not give too much restraint and control to children according to the original perfect plan; let go and let children finally separate from themselves and establish themselves as they move toward independence. The new family…let go, not laissez-faire, but to make the distance more appropriate and the boundaries clearer, so that both adults and children can neither be arrogant nor arrogant. May we all be “just the right moms.”

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