A psychology expert with 10 years of experience reveals the true meaning of parent-child communication: You may always be right to hurt your child

Before we talk to our children or relatives, we can take a moment to be aware of whether our hearts are in a position of love or division. Will speaking out make the relationship closer or more distant? The core difference between good parents and bad parents is: do parents want their children to be themselves, or to become the people they imagine they are. If it\’s the former, even if the parents are not successful people and can\’t respond to their children all the time, it doesn\’t matter. The children will still live a carefree life. But if it is the latter, even if the parents have learned a lot of parenting methods and always speak gently and rationally to their children, the children will still feel disgusted and resistant. The most effective complete set of video courses on parent-child communication and coordination skills. I often meet some parents who are learning positive discipline. They have learned a lot, but what they have learned is often to control and transform their children gently but firmly. No matter how reasonable and correct what they say, the relationship with the child remains tense. Letting a child be who he or she is, rather than who his or her parents imagine him to be, is a very profound realm. If a person can cultivate to the point where he has no desire to transform anyone, including himself, then he is the so-called \”awakened\” person. There is a saying in the Bible that says it best: either you are in love or you are in fear. Love brings things as they are, surrender to facts and wisdom in action; fear brings division, judgments of right and wrong, and struggles between what should and should not be. Is it love or control? I often mention the example of my relationship with my sister: My sister bought a bunch of bread and put it in the refrigerator and forgot to eat it. After I saw it, I couldn\’t help but want to educate her that \”the bread should be eaten in time and not to waste money.\” At this time, I just wanted to reform her. My heart was no longer in the position of love, but in the position of division. This split position stems from the delusional fear in my mind – \”If I don\’t educate her, she will be so disrespectful of food today, and she will continue to be like this in the future, and gradually become a wasteful person.\” When I was a child. I have been delusional by my parents all day long, living in a fearful plot, creating endless divisions, judgments and conflicts. Therefore, when I realize that I have strayed from the position of love, I immediately bring myself back. Just with love, I simply told my sister: \”The bread in this bakery has no preservatives and can only be stored for three days. After three days, you can\’t eat it again.\” My sister said \”Oh\”, but from now on, every time I will eat the bread in time every time, and sometimes I will be reminded that \”the bread is about to expire.\” You can imagine that if I were in a divided position and tried to educate my sister not to waste food, she would definitely feel the energy behind my words. This energy is judgment and non-acceptance, so even if she doesn\’t resist consciously, she will inevitably alienate me psychologically. This is why some people speak and do things correctly all their lives, but their relationships with their loved ones remain cold and distant. In the American TV series \”Doctor Foster\”, the father said to Foster, whose marriage failed: \”You can always hurt others in the \’right\’ way.\” Whether you hurt others does not depend on whether what you say is right or reasonable, but whether it is right or not. It’s about your heart—whether your heart is in a place of love or a place of division. Many parents ask me about their childrenFighting between children, such as \”Children are fighting for toys, and he bites other children. What should I do?\” When parents ask this question, the energy behind it is split – \”It is wrong for my child to bite. He should become a child who is polite and will not cause me trouble, so please teach me the correct way to reform him.\” But the problem is that if the parents\’ hearts are far away from love, they can\’t see the real children. At this time, no matter what parents say or do, it is meaningless. I believe many parents have this experience: the more seriously they teach their children not to fight, the more likely their children will hit other children, and stubborn children may even harm themselves. So, what does it look like to be in a position of love? Love is seeing the real child. Only by letting go of the idea of ​​reforming a child can we see the real child and the emotions behind his fighting behavior. Fighting among children is sometimes just a game. After the fight, no adult intervention was needed, and the relationship was reconciled in three minutes. The reason why some children bite may be fear, fear that their toys will be taken away, or fear of not being able to protect themselves. Such children may have had too many feelings of helplessness and fear caused by being deprived during their infancy. When we see real children, we know how to respond with love. When dealing with a biting child, let him feel that he is protected and surrounded by love, and use love to melt the helplessness and fear in his heart. As children experience more and more inner warmth and feel less and less helpless, they will naturally stop biting. Private: [Completed] Uncle Kai’s story telling by Fu Lin P.E.T.’s insights on parent-child communication. Download all 54 lessons. Children are the inner mirror of their parents. My parrot often bit people when he was a child. Once, it bit a child who came to play at my house. For some reason, I didn\’t see it, but I saw that the parrot was full of fear after biting the person. So I asked others to take care of the bitten child, and I carried the parrot to the bedroom, gently comforted it, and told it: \”It\’s okay, I will protect you, it\’s okay.\” I saw a real parrot and it was scared, so love naturally guided me to comfort it instead of judging, educating or punishing it. This parrot was artificially hatched and felt very insecure. All I could do was try to melt away its fear with love. As the parrot\’s sense of security increases, it bites less and less. But there is one situation where a parrot will still fly over and bite someone, and that is when it is bullied. It is true that some ignorant children will take the initiative to provoke it. If the child is bitten, it will indeed cause trouble for me. So I said to the parrot: \”I\’ll take you for a walk in the community. If a child provokes you, don\’t bite, okay? Because it will make it difficult for me to deal with it.\” After that, once, the parrot stood Resting on the railing in the community, a child ran over and pointed and said some very unkind words. I remind children not to mess with parrots, as they can bite. The child stepped back a few meters and continued to point. At this time, the parrot suddenly flew over, and the child immediately covered his forehead and cried, saying that the parrot bit him. The child\’s mother rushed over to check and found that there were no wounds on his forehead. It turns out that parrotIt just flew over and hit him, but didn\’t bite anyone. It vented its anger without causing trouble for me. I admire its wisdom very much. The reason why the parrot is considerate and willing to cooperate with me is because I have almost never judged it and have always understood and protected it. Naturally, it is also willing to understand and protect me. If animals are like this, how much more intelligent children? Parents and children are like entangled quantums. If there is no division, fear and conflict in the hearts of parents, then the external manifestations of children will not be conflict or opposition. Children are the inner mirror of their parents. Any problems parents see in their children can be used for internal reflection. When parents resolve their own inner judgments and oppositions, their children will have no problems. Before we talk to our children or relatives, we can take a moment and be aware of whether our hearts are in a position of love or division. Will speaking out make the relationship closer or more distant? In fact, we all know the answer deep down. In life, slowly become aware of whether your heart is united or divided? In love or in fear? This is the path to liberation. PET Parent Effectiveness Training Manual pdf download to make you and your children more considerate