Afraid of the dark, afraid of bugs, afraid of bathing… Is my baby a coward?

About half a year ago, Guoguo, who has always been honest and easy-going, developed a problem that gave me a headache: he was afraid of insects. When I see an insect, I start screaming and crying. If an insect accidentally crawls on me, I will collapse. I can cry until I can\’t breathe, and my whole body will tremble for a long time before I can recover. If it\’s really just that I\’m afraid of bugs, that\’s it. Later, it extends to being afraid of all kinds of bug-related or bug-like things, and I cry when I see them. Books or cards with bugs in them, cry! There are spider webs in the yard (no spiders…), crying! There is a black fur ball on the clothes, and there is a black stain on the wall, cry! There is an unknown bug-like thing on the ground (probably the food scraps she dropped on the ground), crying! The weirdest thing is that if there is any floating object in the bath water, she will suspect it is an insect. She will cry hard when she sees it, and she will not give up until I fish it out. You must know that there are always some clothes fibers and other things on the baby that are brought into the bathtub. They float around in the water and are impossible to catch. After finally catching one, she found another one and took a bath. She would often crawl out of the bathtub crying several times! The little girl has naturally transitioned from being afraid of bugs to being mysophobic… I\’m going to collapse, it\’s seriously affecting my life! This phenomenon is actually very common. After one year of age, babies gradually develop self-awareness and slowly break away from the state of \”newborn calves are not afraid of tigers\” and start to be afraid of some inexplicable things that make you laugh or cry. In fact, Maotou is still afraid of something to this day. For example, when I told him about the Encyclopedia of Animals the night before yesterday, he suddenly became afraid of the cobra in the picture. He refused to sleep for a long time, saying that he was afraid of snakes under the bed… I believe all parents will experience this, because children have very limited life experience and it is difficult to judge whether things are dangerous. Therefore, when they are relatively young, the memory in their genes will come into play. For example, they are afraid of the dark, insects, huge or loud noises. When it comes to audio equipment, I\’m afraid of being stared at by many pairs of eyes. These are things that primitive people should be afraid of. As they grow older and their imaginations develop further, children will not be able to distinguish between imagination and reality, and will be afraid of some imaginary plots. For example, I once saw a reader tell me that in the safety education in kindergarten, children cannot enter the elevator if there is a fire. , the child has been afraid of taking the elevator ever since. Don\’t think that children are being unreasonable. \”Fear\” is actually the most basic human emotion. It protects the reproduction of our race to this day. Humans without this emotion became extinct hundreds of thousands of years ago. You will actually have more headaches with a child who is not afraid of anything, because he will be put in danger by his curiosity all the time. When most parents see their children being scared, their first reaction is \”What\’s so scary?\” They will reason with their children and try to convince them that it\’s not scary at all. After talking for a long time to no avail, they start to criticize their children and say \” Cowardly, not brave.” There may also be some parents who will over-protect their children and follow their children\’s wishes and never let their children come into contact with the things they are afraid of. From then on, they have fixed a certain fear habit. For example, some children have always had bright lights at home since they were young. Both extreme approaches are wrong. The former isDenying the child\’s emotions, which in turn aggravates the fear, has no effect on overcoming fear and will have the opposite effect. Fear is fear. It comes from the heart. Like anger and happiness, it is difficult to suppress rationally. Therefore, as parents, our focus should not be on the thing that the child is afraid of, but on the child\’s spiritual feelings. So, what exactly should you do if your child is scared? 1. Acknowledge their fears and do not reason with your children in lengthy discussions. There is nothing scary about discussing this matter in various ways. Your children will only feel that their feelings are being denied and that you do not understand them. Mao Tou was also afraid of insects when he was a child. I often said, \”Why are you afraid of it? You are bigger than the insect, so it should be afraid of you.\” After saying this, I thought I was quite humorous and witty. Later I found that saying this did not have any effect on Mao Tou. None, he was still afraid. Although I was very clever, I still denied Maotou\’s feeling of fear. There is no benefit in overcoming fear. When a child is scared, any reason is useless. You only need to rush over quickly, give the child a big hug, and tell him, \”Mom knows that the baby is scared. Mom is here and she will protect you.\” If your child insists on leaving, comply with his request. Only when children gain a sense of security can they overcome their fears. 2. Try to let children know and understand the thing that scares them. One of the biggest reasons for fear is the unknown and strangeness. It is difficult for people to be afraid of familiar things. Therefore, various methods can be used to let children understand the things they fear. But don\’t force them. Just like Guoguo is afraid of bugs, I will catch a bug and put it in a transparent box for her to see. Of course, she will refuse to look at it at first. I will not put any pressure on her, so I will seal the box and put it on the table. After a while, Guoguo gradually came closer to observe the bugs in the box out of curiosity. I also showed her some picture books about bugs. At the beginning, she could read some improved versions. The images of bugs were very Q. I told her how beautiful the butterfly chafers were and how cute the fat caterpillars were. After getting familiar with it, she slowly Show her some real photos. After being able to accept looking at the photos, she was at least less afraid of the more static bugs. Later, I watched some cartoons about bugs, and then transitioned to real science videos. I no longer reject this, and I am no longer so afraid of the real thing. 3. Give your child the opportunity to \”desensitize\” him. When a child has some quirks due to fear, don\’t rush to \”correct the problem\” or \”maintain the personality\”. Try to deliberately be a \”forgetful mother\”. No matter how well you understand that your child is afraid of something, don’t deliberately avoid it. Let it appear with normal frequency in your life. Deliberately forget your child’s quirks, but remember to respond positively to your child’s fear. . For example, if Guoguo is afraid that there will be debris in the bath water, I will not deliberately leave nothing in the water. There will still be debris occasionally. When Guoguo expresses fear, I will immediately try my best to catch her. Of course, it will take a while to catch her. This process is also the process of her desensitization. She willKnowing that her mother was trying to protect her, she felt relieved and had the mood to observe the things she was afraid of. As time went by, she found that there was nothing to be afraid of. Sure enough, after doing this for two or three months, she finally ignored the occasional floating objects in the water. I often take Guoguo out to play outdoors. It is inevitable that I will see bugs. When bugs approach her, I will pretend that I have not seen them. Only when she expresses fear will I rush to drive the bugs away immediately. At first She still cries loudly. After two months, she just moans and groans. Recently, she has no feeling at all, and she still blows by herself. 4. Parents set an example and make progress with their children. The power of role models is infinite. Parents must first have positive energy before they can pass it on to their children. For a while, Mao Tou would be particularly afraid of dogs, and there are a lot of dog walkers in the United States, so every time Mao Tou passed by a dog, he would be covered in chaff and extremely scared. In fact, I am also a little afraid of dogs. Every time I meet a dog, I get nervous all over. Maotou is probably influenced by me, so I told Maotou that my mother is also a little afraid of dogs. In fact, my mother knows that there is no need to be afraid of such a cute dog. Dog, let\’s overcome this together, shall we? Later, I intentionally met a neighbor with a dog. When I met them, I would greet them, pat their dogs, and encourage Mao Tou to pat them. As soon as I did it, Mao Tou was no longer afraid, and I wasn’t too scared either. . In fact, I have always been afraid of bugs, but I am not so afraid now. Sometimes raising a baby really helps me improve myself! 5. Take it step by step and be encouraging. Like the example I mentioned earlier about someone who was afraid of getting into the elevator, this is what I suggest. Acknowledge your child\’s fear first, and then work together to discuss how long they can stay in the elevator. Can I take a step in? If you can, praise him vigorously. Next time, you can try to stay for a second or two and come out before the door closes. If the child does not cry, continue to praise him. Then try to sit on only one floor and come out, and so on step by step. During this process, try not to force yourself and maintain physical contact. Give children more sense of security. This kind of training is definitely more positive than forcing children to take the elevator regardless of their feelings, or simply avoiding the elevator and only taking the stairs. Finally, let me tell you how the night when Maotou was afraid of snakes ended: I was very tired at the time, and the day was finally over. I wanted to rest very much. I felt that the child was being unreasonable. No matter how I tried to explain that snakes would not come to the house, it was useless. I was a little impatient and wanted to leave the room. Maotou suddenly burst into tears and said with choked sobs: \”Mom, don\’t go, I\’m scared! I\’m really scared!!\” I suddenly realized that I had made a mistake again, even though I was 5 years old, even though I knew a lot of truths , there is still a feeling of fear! Then I went to hug him and told him: \”Mom won\’t leave. I will stay with you here. You can go to sleep. You won\’t be afraid tomorrow.\” Maotou, who had been making noises about not going to sleep just now, lay down obediently. Then I kept holding his hand and accompanying him. After lying on the bed, he stared and said, \”Mom, I always think about snakes. What should I do if I get scared when I think about snakes?\” I said, \”Then think of something else. Think of something to play with the children at school.\” thing.\” After a while, he said again: \”No.OK, I still think about snakes. \”I said: \”Then think about your sister and her round belly. Mao Tou couldn\’t help laughing. After a while, he said again: \”But Mom, I still think of snakes.\” I said, \”Then count the sheep.\” \”Then Mao Tou counted carefully, and when he reached about fifty, he suddenly said to me: \”Mom, I\’m not afraid anymore. You can leave, but you can\’t go far!\” \”I know that he has found a way to overcome his fear. Every child is different, has different things to fear, and can deal with them in different ways. Every parent can use their brains to think of smarter ways. But before implementing , please go back to your childhood first, think about your own fearful experiences, and imagine what kind of help you need as a child, and you will be able to come up with the answer more easily. Even as an adult, there are fears When you are scared, what you long for most is not popular science and truth, but the understanding and companionship of friends and relatives. How happy it is to have a warm and practical embrace in the midst of fear. I wish everyone All children can have this kind of happiness!

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