After seventeen years of parenting, I have encountered many advices

The night before yesterday, I sent my baby to learn English, and I chatted with her in the car about some of our educational concepts since he was a child and growing up. In other words, we have had a very clear parenting concept since the birth of Cai Chong. In the following 10 years, although we have been self-correcting and learning and progressing, the core points are certain and have never drifted. When he said this, Caichong let out a sigh and said, that\’s what you thought from the beginning. You see, this is the power of education. You are born in it and don’t know it. I have said that no matter what educational concept you adhere to, as long as it is not against human nature, it is good. But the most important thing is the certainty of this concept. It may lead to irreversible regrets in family education. Of course, I am not advocating that one road leads to darkness. Children continue to grow, and we should make timely adjustments. 6980 Yuan Zhang Guowei\’s Comprehensive Parent-Child Relationship Skills Recording + Handouts + Quick Notes However, on the one hand, children\’s growth is innate and partly determined by genes; on the other hand, it is also a process shaped by parents. His way of thinking, lifestyle, his outlook for the future, his understanding of a happy life, etc., are crucially shaped by parents intentionally or unintentionally. Therefore, the core principles of parents\’ upbringing are the most important. These core values ​​cannot be easily discarded. How adults live, how children grow. That\’s what it means. In the process of raising our children, Mother Chong and I had strong opinions of our own, because most of the time we were different from what the general public did, so we received a lot of criticism, admonitions and advice. Allegedly, these are certainly well-intentioned. But kindness is actually the most unreasonable thing. While being kind, he always wants to kidnap you. I actually hate this kind of cheap kindness, and I am even more wary of the intrusion into your family’s private life hidden behind this kind of cheap kindness. Parenting is a private matter, and everyone needs a sense of boundaries. This is also a principle that I have adhered to so far. Even though I have written several parenting books, when I see others raising children, I will not criticize them. If you don\’t ask for help, I won\’t intervene. But one thing that I always feel is quite unjust is, even if it is a private matter within a family of three, why once I express a point of view that is different from the public, some people are very hurt and think that I am attacking him ( she)? I just talked about my approach, which is a unilateral statement of facts. How did you get it right? Not only did he respond to the call, but he also took the initiative to attack me. If he was kind, he would give me advice and say, \”Look, you are wrong.\” If he was malicious, he would say, \”We\’ll see, he will regret it.\” In the more than 10 years of parenting, the most frequent advice we have received is: Don’t spoil your children too much. You just spoil your children too much. Similar deformed advice is that boys should be raised poor and girls should be raised rich. Also, you have to set rules for your children at home. Regarding pampering children, my friend Ke Er wrote an article \”Please Love Deeply and Dote on Children\” when he had his second child. The general meaning is very similar to mine. We parents have a worry that we don’t know where it comes from. We are always worried that our children will be spoiled. But I tell you, kidIt cannot be spoiled. There are only children who lack unconditional love, not spoiled children. Of course, what I call pampering and pampering is a bit exaggerated, but it actually refers to unconditional love and eternal tolerance. This is the basic environment for establishing a strong sense of security for children. Children don\’t need to look at their parents\’ faces or be sensible. As for parents, as long as they see their children healthy and happy, they will naturally feel particularly happy. The so-called spoiled children are not actually \”spoiled\”, but the parents\’ lack of principles and bottom line, which leads to the children\’s ignorance. As we said before, it is the lives of parents that shape the individual child. Principles and bottom lines should be the cornerstone of a family. But we see many parents who don’t even understand this. If you are happy, give you a candy. If you are upset, give you a slap and die. You are a prisoner of your own emotions. You can\’t achieve emotional stability and consistent ideas yourself, and then you still say that others spoil their children? Closely following the topic of pampering is the topic of \”playing the rules\”. I said this more than 10 years ago. It’s not about “making rules”, but it’s about establishing basic rules for family discussions. \”Making rules\” has a verb-object structure, one is the sender of the action, and the other is the recipient of the action. The word \”make the rules\” contains the authority of the head of the family. But can we make some corrections and become individuals who respect our children, listen to him more, and adopt his opinions more? If we discuss everything, fully respect the children\’s opinions, and put the children on an equal footing with us, the family atmosphere will naturally change. Do we still need to follow the rules? Sometimes I really don’t know where some people get the confidence to guide others on how to be parents. That’s why I published a short book last year, the title of which was borrowed from Lu Xun’s words, “How We Become Parents Now”. Although it is a question, I dare not give it away for fear that others will think that I want to teach them how to be parents. But our lives are always full of \”dad flavor\”. Conceptually, because \”it has always been like this\” and \”everyone is like this\”, anyone can use it as a moral weapon to kidnap others. I still remember a time when a seamstress taught me how to guide children to write essays. She is the mother of her son\’s elementary school classmate. When she saw me picking up the kids, she always smiled and had a gentle attitude. She was obedient to Cai Chong. She couldn\’t do anything about him, so she became very anxious. Also out of good intentions, he often guides me on how to raise children and how to behave. When I was in the second grade, I didn’t know why, but I started to guide me on how to teach children to write essays. Isn\’t this a bit overstepping the mark? Nor am I discriminating against seamstresses. After all, there are specialties in the art industry, and I have this self-awareness. I will not guide you in making clothes, and I will repay the respect of the industry. But how can you definitely guide me in teaching composition? I also encountered someone who told me that what I did was called \”live-streaming parenting\”, which I didn\’t want to do. This private message is actually quite mean, which shows that the author himself is quite talented. Yes, being mean is also a talent. I later deleted this paragraph, and I only remember the gist. Why delete it? Because everyone does everything for a reason. But the world is so big, I don’t want to know anythingWhat on earth is this passerby thinking about? At that time, I was still playing Weibo. From about 2008 to 2010, I often posted some interesting stories and children’s words about my classmates on Weibo. The articles are both long and short, sometimes with pictures and text. I wasn\’t even a V on Weibo, and I had killed several accounts, big and small. At that time, there were only about 10,000 people following me. Most of the friends who are paying attention will find my parenting essays very interesting, and they really like Cai Chong. Some friends even praised me and said that among all the words I wrote, the one about cabbage insects was the best. I accept all the above ridiculous compliments. But I also don’t understand how it can become “live broadcast parenting” and still be criticized if you just post some childish words. In fact, Mother Chong and I have very clear boundaries as to how far we should expose our children in the public domain. For example, I once wrote a column for two magazines, which was about the growth story of Cai Chong. Text descriptions are okay, but photos are generally not allowed. Let alone let Cai Chong appear in the video interview. When Cai Chong was in the first grade, a TV station came for an interview and asked Cai Chong to appear on the scene, which I clearly refused. My affairs and my son’s affairs still need to be separated. This is also what I have always said is \”gently protecting the child\’s right not to know\”. One is to give the noobs privacy and a safe space to grow without unnecessary trouble. First, we know that the greatest blessing for a child is to give him an ordinary childhood. He doesn\’t need to be a child prodigy, a child star, or go to the junior college class. He just needs to be consistent with his age, even if he lives shamelessly. Alas, I have received a lot of advice, not all of them. Part of it would have troubled me when I was younger. But this has happened, and the cabbage insect has grown to 17 years old. During the summer vacation, I bought him a new bicycle. It was called a seventeen-year-old bicycle. But in short, we will still receive a lot of advice, but we need to have our own opinions, because not all suggestions are reasonable, and old age does not necessarily mean virtuous. Many parents have fallen into a pit without knowing it. They sincerely hope that you will fall into the pit together, so the pit is always very lively.