After the second baby was born, I faced various \”actions\” from Dabao. Here\’s how I solved it…

In the first three years after giving birth to Rooney, I kept saying in my heart that I would never give birth to another child! It wasn\’t until last year, when Rooney was almost five years old, that I found out that I was unexpectedly pregnant. I complained to my husband that \”the hard days are coming again\”, but I was secretly happy and realized: It turns out that I still want to have another child. of. I forgot about the physical discomfort of being pregnant for ten months, the severe pain of the wound after caesarean section, and the pain of not being able to sleep for several years… I only remember that the chubby baby was so pink, tender and cute. The way he grinned melted my heart. When he called me mom for the first time, I was so pleasantly surprised… Women are indeed animals that heal their scars and forget the pain. After Rooney found out that I was pregnant with the baby, he often said to me: \”Mom, I will definitely help you take care of the baby!\” He looked like a good brother. Therefore, I was even more convinced that having another child was the right thing to do. However, two months after giving birth to his younger brother, Rooney completely changed. He used to be considerate and sensible, and he often made troubles at home: First, he would make trouble every day to buy toys. If I didn’t agree, he would stalk me and keep making trouble. . When he got tired of playing with toys, he began to complain that he was bored again and clamored to go to his classmates\’ houses to play with them every day. At night, they tried to force me to sleep with me… I was exhausted from all the torture. It turns out that the biggest hurdle after giving birth to the second baby is not the ten months of pregnancy, not getting up at night to feed the baby, or holding the baby to sleep, but the various \”doings\” of the first baby! I also wrote an article complaining about this. Unexpectedly, this complaint article resonated with many mothers of two children: many friends also gave me valuable opinions. So, over the past month, I have been constantly reflecting and following my friends\’ suggestions, I have changed some concepts and practices, and my family has slowly returned to normal. Now, I have summarized these experiences and practices, hoping to provide reference for parents who are preparing to have a second child or encounter the same problems as me. Regarding Rooney\’s abnormal performance some time ago, the first thing I did was to reflect on myself and analyze the reasons. Because I have always firmly believed that most of children’s problems are their parents’ problems. So I first looked for the reason within myself. ▌Tiredness made me ignore Dabao’s feelings. I was so tired some time ago. I took care of the baby during the day, wrote articles at night, and woke up several times at night to breastfeed. I was exhausted every day and had no intention of playing with Rooney. , read books. Rooney couldn\’t get my attention and companionship, so he clamored to buy toys and go to his classmates\’ houses to play. However, I only blamed him for being ignorant and sternly rejected his requests. In fact, I have already seen Rooney\’s real needs, but because I am tired, I have no energy to patiently understand and empathize with him. I just want to end it all as soon as possible with simple and rude rejection and blame. ▌Having too high expectations for Dabao, forgetting that he is actually still a child. Before my brother was born, Rooney’s thoughtfulness and understanding made me firmly believe that he would be a good brother. I often fantasized about him helping me take care of my brother. It must be warm. And wonderful. More expectation, more disappointment. After being slapped in the face by reality, I realized that I shouldn’t have so many expectations for a child over 5 years old. Rooney is just a child. Compared with helping me take care of my younger brother, he Need moreWhat you want is my love and attention. After reflection, I adopted the following strategies and slowly changed the situation. 1. When Dabao was asked to take part in the care of the second child before he was one month old, Rooney actually loved his younger brother very much. He would call him as soon as he came home from school every day, hugging his brother and kissing his face and hands, but at that time, his grandma always said that he : \”Don\’t be so loud, it will wake up my brother.\” \”Don\’t kiss your brother. He has weak resistance and will get sick.\” After hearing these words from his grandma, Rooney was very disappointed. Slowly, he stopped talking after returning home. I went to find my brother and play by myself. After the full moon, my grandma left, and my mother came back to help me. I vaccinated her in advance: \”Mom, when Rooney wants to hug his brother, you try not to say anything to him, just watch from the side.\” At the same time. , I often create opportunities for Rooney to participate in various activities of my brother. For example, when I give my brother a bath, I ask Rooney to help me squeeze out shampoo and lay out the bath towel; when my brother poops, I ask Rooney to help pass wet wipes and diapers. Rooney is more than happy to do this. Every time I finish, I will say to my brother: \”Xiao Bei, look, it is my brother who is helping you. He is so good! Are you very lucky to have such a brother?\” The more compliments like this, the better. , and it cannot be exaggerated. These compliments are obviously very helpful to Rooney, and he is more and more willing to help me take care of my brother. By taking care of his younger brother, he also found a sense of responsibility and accomplishment as an older brother, and his love for his younger brother deepened. 2. Let dad participate in childcare. After Rooney was born, I was basically responsible for daily companionship, study and education. My husband seldom participated because of his busy work, so Rooney has always been very attached to me. Now that I have a younger brother, he still often pesters me to play games, do crafts, and read with him. I have to take care of my little baby and accompany my big baby. I often feel like I am overwhelmed and overwhelmed. My friend said, you are too tired like this, no wonder you often lose your temper, you should let go and let dad spend more time with Dabao. I think my friend is right. When the boy grows up, it is time for the mother to quit and slowly hand over the accompanying work to the father. Later, I communicated with my husband and he also realized that he had been absent from childcare for too long and decided to spend more time with his children in the future. I also learned to show weakness. I often complained that I was tired in front of my husband and asked him to help me change Xiaobao’s diapers and read to Dabao. I also learned to turn a blind eye to the roughness of my father\’s parenting, and I would praise my husband from time to time to make him more motivated to participate in child care. Proper letting go also allowed me to rest myself again. I was not as tired as before, so I could be more relaxed and happy when accompanying Rooney. This emotion also infected Rooney, and he gradually stopped being hysterical. 3. Focus on Dabao and try to meet Dabao’s requirements. One day, Rooney said he was going to his classmate Xiaoxu’s house. Because he was too tired, my mother and I were unwilling to take him there, so he started to make a fuss. When I was distressed, Xiaoxu came. It turned out that Xiaoxu also wanted to play with Rooney, so his mother brought him over. They both had a lot of fun that day. Xiaoxu also has a younger sister. So, I chatted with Xiaoxu’s mother about Rooney’s various annoying behaviors after the second baby was born. She told me about her experience and I was deeply moved. She said, our Xiaoxu has never had such a big emotional reaction as Rooney., because after my sister was born, we still focused on him and tried our best to meet his various requirements. For example, today he said he wanted to come to play with Rooney, so I handed my sister over to my mother and brought him over immediately; I took him with him to classes and outings. At night, when he asked to sleep with us, I put my sister on the crib and let him squeeze in with us. After listening to Xiaoxu\’s mother\’s words, I felt deeply ashamed, and the anxiety in my heart was relieved. I knew what to do. Yes, the second baby is still young. In addition to the physical needs, the spiritual needs are not that strong. At this time, the needs of the eldest baby must be given priority and the eldest baby must be given enough attention and love. As a friend said: \”The more love you give to Dabao, the more he will have love for the second one.\” So, later on, I tried my best to satisfy Rooney\’s various reasonable wishes, such as allowing him to continue sleeping with me at night, When you have time, take him out to play or go to a classmate\’s house. For his unreasonable wishes, I will make rules and appropriately satisfy them. For example, after finishing homework every day, he can watch two episodes of cartoons, and after eating, he can drink a bottle of yogurt. 4. Make time to spend time alone with Dabao. A friend also suggested to me that I should take Dabao out alone when I have time to make him feel important. Yes, every child wants to have his parents completely for a certain period of time, so that he feels that he is unique in the eyes of his parents, so we need to look for opportunities to meet the needs of the child. After this need is met, they will no longer cry to compete for their parents\’ favor. After understanding this, I began to try to create opportunities to be alone with Rooney. For example, my mother took the Taekwondo classes two nights a week, but now I take them. On the bus ride, Rooney and I had a rare intimate moment. I held him and listened to him talk. , it feels like it’s back to the time when he was the only child in the house. Sometimes, if I can\’t go out to play because I\’m really tired or it\’s raining, I will leave my brother to my mother and take Rooney at home to do crafts, play games or read to him, and stay with him wholeheartedly. Sometimes, even if my brother is crying, if it were not for hunger, I would not run over immediately and interrupt Rooney\’s company. Slowly, Rooney\’s mood gradually calmed down, and he rarely said words such as \”Mom, do you not love me anymore?\” When I had to breastfeed my brother and cut off my company, he would be there patiently. Waited. 5. Give Dabao something to do and divert attention. I discovered that Rooney\’s various \”actions\” some time ago were partly due to having nothing to do. At that time, he often cried \”bored\” because he was tired of playing with toys, the picture books at home could not satisfy him, and cartoons could not be watched all the time. So, I bought a lot of bridge books for him from the Internet, such as \”Frog and Toad\”, \”Dear Little Bear\”, \”Naoko Anfang\’s Bridge Book\”, etc., and then pretended that I was exhausted and asked him to read to me. Unexpectedly, he actually knew most of the words in the book, which doubled his confidence in reading. Coupled with my compliments, he became more and more willing to read to me. In addition to reading to me, I also suggested that he start learning to ride a bicycle without training wheels. With the help of his father, he only spent threeHe learned to ride a bicycle in less than three hours this afternoon, which further enhanced his confidence. Recently, whenever he has free time, he will go to the community to practice braking and going downhill, and he will never be bored again. Having said so many methods, the most important thing is that we should let go of our anxiety and truly accept our children. There are reasons for all kinds of problems in children. Only when we truly accept the child can we see the child\’s true needs and be willing to actively find solutions. I know that new problems will arise at every stage of a child\’s growth. As the second child grows up, conflicts and contradictions between the two children will definitely continue. The road to parenting is long, and we must continue to practice and work hard.