Before the child is 3 years old, he must sleep with his mother at night

My friend had not seen her daughter for a year. When she returned home during the Chinese New Year, she happily took her daughter to the mall and wanted to buy something for her child. However, her child was very polite and kept saying, \”Grandma said, don\’t spend money indiscriminately.\” During dinner, a friend took her daughter to a very good restaurant and asked her what she wanted to eat. Her daughter didn\’t say anything. She only said \”anything is fine\” when she asked anxiously. What made her even more angry was that her daughter accidentally peed her pants, but she didn\’t say anything along the way. She only told her grandma quietly after she got home. When she went to bed at night, she wanted to hug her daughter and sleep with her, but her daughter said, \”I want to sleep with grandma.\” She said that she never expected that she and her daughter would become the most familiar strangers. A joke hides so much sadness and helplessness. Her friend and her husband were both immigrants from Beijing. After the maternity leave, they left their daughter in her hometown to be taken care of by her grandparents. She and her husband continued to work hard in Beijing. In order to give their daughter a home as soon as possible, the couple worked hard overtime, went on business trips, and saved for a down payment. They were not willing to pay the high fares to go back during holidays, but just video chatted with their daughter every day. Now that the down payment is almost saved, my daughter\’s love has dissipated little by little. 0-3 years old is an important period for children to establish a sense of security and is also the most important period for establishing a close relationship with their mother. If possible, please try your best to keep your child with you until he is 3 years old, accompany him to grow up, and sleep with him. Sleeping with mother, obtaining enough sense of security is the key to warm the child\’s life. No matter how big the storms in the outside world are, he can cope with it. After the child is born, he leaves the mother\’s familiar womb and urgently needs to regain a sense of familiarity and security through skin-to-skin contact with the mother and to get timely response from the mother when he needs her. And this initial sense of security in life can only be obtained from the mother. I once saw a short video in which a child who was several months old was crying non-stop. No matter whether it was a handsome uncle, a kind grandma, a pregnant aunt, or a lovely sister, no matter what method he chose to comfort him, it was of no avail, and the baby still kept crying. Until a strange uncle appeared. Listening to the thumping heartbeat, the child actually smiled and touched his uncle\’s face. At this time, a line of words appeared on the screen: Mom\’s heart was transplanted to him a few months ago. I suddenly realized that I couldn\’t stop crying. The safety, love and trust that a mother gives her child at the beginning of his life can be said to be irreplaceable by others. Psychologist Li Xue said that only when the inward love is filled up will it flow out, and only then will trust in the world be established. Psychologist John Bowlby also pointed out that babies who form a \”secure attachment\” relationship with their mothers will be more comfortable facing unfamiliar environments. Dear mother, during the important period when your child is establishing a sense of security, accompany him to sleep; when he cries in the middle of the night and wants to nurse, let him suck as soon as possible; when he cries and calls \”Mom\”, give him milk as soon as possible. Give him a hug, pat him on the back and say \”Mom is here\”… These actions of the mother will deeply root the belief that \”I am safe and loved\” in the child\’s heart and warm his life. Sleeping with Mom, Establishing Close Links Some time ago, I saw Huang Shengyi uploaded a photo on Weibo of him and his son Andy skiing to welcome the New Year, and I felt the intimacy and love that filled the screen. Thinking of him last yearWhen we participated in the variety show \”Mom is Superman 3\”, we couldn\’t help but sigh at the initial unfamiliarity. When Andy was 3 months old, his mother, Huang Shengyi, sent him to her grandmother\’s house out of what she considered a \”protective\” approach, where she took care of him for three years. Those are the three years when the child needs his mother the most. He wants to hear his mother\’s breathing and heartbeat while sleeping. He wants his mother to hold him in her arms when he is scared and say \”Don\’t be afraid, mom is here\” over and over again. But Mom is not there. As a result, the most intimate link between him and his mother was not established, and Andy was full of rejection of her mother. His mother wanted to hold his hand, but he shook her away. When his mother took him to buy clothes, he kept shouting \”no\” and \”no\”. She even said to the camera with a look of disgust on her face: \”I don\’t like her to accompany me.\” Fortunately, when the two were alone together, his mother tried hard to get closer to him again and again, telling him bedtime stories and accompanying him. While sleeping with him, Andy opened up his heart little by little and got closer to his mother. He would share his joy and unhappiness, and would also say \”I love my mother\” warmly. However, how many people don’t have this opportunity to reconnect, and they maintain that “strange” feeling with their mothers as the years go by. They don’t like to share their joys, sorrows, and joys with their mothers, especially they don’t like to talk to their mothers about their confusion and confusion. pain. Psychologists believe that a child\’s early childhood is an important period for parents and children to establish a parent-child relationship. If this period is missed, it will be difficult to become close again. Dear mother, if you want to maintain a close relationship with your child and make him like to share his joys, sorrows, and sorrows with you, then the period before the age of 3 is the best time to establish a link. Sleeping with your child, telling him bedtime stories, and responding promptly when he needs you in the middle of the night are the best ways to connect. Please don\’t miss this opportunity. No matter how you sleep, put the relationship as your first priority. After my daughter was born, I adhered to the concept of \”sleeping with the child\” and kept my daughter sleeping next to me. After countless times of waking up at night to breastfeed her, or holding her back and forth and singing to her in the middle of the night, I was worried that my husband would not be energetic at work the next day, so I asked him to go to the study to sleep… It was also from that time that we no longer slept before bed. Let’s talk about daily life and work matters. As time went by, we didn’t know what to communicate. I didn’t know what he encountered at work, and he didn’t know what changes had happened at home. In psychology, the silence between husband and wife is called \”communication coma\”. If the \”coma\” lasts for a long time, the relationship will slowly pass away in this \”coma\”. He Jiong also pointed out that the most important thing for two people to get along is sharing. Because no matter you are in the passionate period of your relationship or in a stable marriage, if you don\’t share, then two people will be like strangers even if they live under the same roof. That powerful feeling of emptiness is the most powerful thing. It hurts two people\’s feelings. Therefore, before the child is 3 years old, even if the mother sleeps with the child, she does not need to sleep in a separate bed or even a separate room from the father. You can let the child sleep on the mother\’s side, which not only makes it easier for the mother to respond to the child in a timely manner, but also allows the father and mother to sleep together to maintain smooth communication. Moreover, it also allows the father to better understand the mother.Mom\’s hard work, understand the difficulty of mother, and take care of the children together with mother. So after the age of 3, when is it more appropriate to sleep separately with your child? There is no unified standard, let everything take its course. When the child has a sufficient sense of security and his heart is still full of warmth and energy even if the mother is not around, it is the best time to separate. When one day your child wants to sleep separately from you, that is the best time. Winnicott, a master of child psychology, mentioned the concept of a \”good enough mother\”. He wrote: A good enough mother is almost completely adaptable to the baby\’s needs at first. As time goes by, she gradually becomes difficult to adapt and the baby As her abilities continue to grow, she begins to face her own failures. A good enough mother can do her best to meet her child\’s needs and give him enough security and trust at the beginning of life, but she can also calmly accept that her child will grow up and start to withdraw from her life. The mother-infant relationship determines the starting point of life. In the long road of life ahead, children learn and grow by internalizing the emotional relationship with their parents. And the most difficult thing to heal in this world is the trauma in the mother-infant relationship. Dear mother, in the first three years of life, when your child needs you most, please keep him by your side and accompany him with your heart. Every night, every time he needs you, give him a timely response, a smile, a hug, and the words \”Mom is here\” to write a warm foundation for his life.