Children who give up when they encounter setbacks lack this quality most.

Over the weekend, I came across a speech by Yu Minhong. He said: \”Every failure is actually brewing a greater success. This time New Oriental\’s transformation may be God giving us another opportunity to create a greater business and achieve more glory.\” New Oriental can’t do this business, and it can’t do that business, so why don’t we want to open a little bit? Think about what New Oriental can do?” Recently, you can find a lot of good news about New Oriental on the Internet: the stock price has soared by 100%, and bilingual sales 3 The number of fans increased by 1.3 million and so on. Affected by the \”double reduction\”, New Oriental closed campuses, donated tables and chairs, dismissed teachers, and the stock price plummeted… Founder Yu Minhong was even criticized by various sources. Many people regarded him as a tragic character abandoned by the times and a strange hero. Who would have thought that in a blink of an eye, he would stand under the spotlight again and lead New Oriental on a new path. Just like Yu Minhong said: \”If you think about it clearly, failure is no longer a failure, it has become an opportunity.\” If you read more entrepreneur biographies and see more entrepreneurial deeds, you will find that some people are destined to succeed. \”Material\” has nothing to do with what industry he is in, what age he is, or his current state. Two days ago, I was chatting with my best friend about my children\’s interest classes, and she asked me a question: \”What do you think is the biggest gain from letting CC learn piano in the past few years?\” I thought for a while and gave this answer. : The experience of being bitter at first and then sweet is her biggest gain from learning the piano. Learning the piano is a slow uphill process: each lesson is difficult for beginners, but you can learn it as long as you practice hard. For every piece of music, CC will go through such a process: not playing it well and finding it difficult; being patient and persisting in practicing; the more she plays, the better she gets, and she feels more and more accomplished. Recommended list of 50 classic books that must be read in the New Year, treasure them for your children. In this process, she learned: When facing difficulties, you must have the determination not to admit defeat. As long as you persist in working hard, you will always gain something. . This is true for piano learning, and even more true for anything else. \”I can always do such difficult things.\” This knowledge will be the greatest wealth that will affect her life. But many children give up before enjoying victory. When they encounter some setbacks, they say \”I can\’t do it.\” When they encounter some difficulties, they give up. What do they lack? What they lack is Yu Minhong\’s thinking that \”failure can also be an opportunity\” and CC\’s understanding that \”no matter how difficult it is, I can do it.\” Carol Dweck, a professor at Stanford University, believes that the core of people\’s thinking patterns is \”the way they see themselves.\” She proposed two opposite concepts: fixed mindset and growth mindset. The biggest difference between the two mindsets is the tolerance for setbacks, mistakes, and surprises. People with a fixed mindset believe that talent is innate and no amount of practice will help you improve. They are afraid of setbacks and mistakes, and feel that once they encounter setbacks, it means they are not good enough. People with a growth mindset believe that talent is just a starting point and practice will make everything different. They believe that failures, setbacks, and mistakes are the nourishment for growth. \”Those who can\’t kill me will eventually make me stronger\”, so they are not afraid of failure and difficulties. Carol Dweck discovered through research: childrenThe fundamental difference between them lies in their thinking modes, and the difference in thinking modes will lead to differences in their IQs. For adults, a growth mindset is the key to success. For children, growth mindset is the driving force for continuous learning and growth. During the learning process, children want to retreat when encountering difficulties, and they also stand on the moral high ground and reply: \”Where is the respect and understanding promised?\” We can only let it go? Never. This is a great time to develop your child’s growth mindset. Two words to help children get out of fixed thinking 1. Replace \”forever\” with \”temporary\” When CC was just practicing piano, she often said: \”Mom, it\’s very hard for me to raise my four and five fingers. I can\’t lift it up at all. Maybe the flexibility of my hands is not suitable for playing the piano. I think I will never be able to lift it up like the teacher…\” I did a very simple thing and quietly corrected her way of expression: \”You just If you can\’t lift it up temporarily, you can exercise the flexibility of your hands with more practice. If you are not as good as the teacher now, you will definitely be able to surpass him in the future.\” A simple sentence can help children quickly adjust their mentality. What is the key point? The word temporary means that it can change. Whether you study or practice, you can change the current situation. And forever is continuous and unchangeable. Tell your child that you just haven’t done well for the time being, but it doesn’t mean you can’t do it well forever. In his eyes, difficulties are no longer terrible. 2. Use \”special\” instead of \”general\”. A friend from the office said that her children are very competitive. When she was in June 1st, the school organized a recitation competition, but she performed abnormally and did not get a place. I was very unhappy after I got home: \”I\’m just so stupid, no matter how much I practice, it\’s useless!\” My friend used this trick: Is it because of special circumstances that you didn\’t do well this time? Under normal circumstances, you can read very well. Are you too nervous this time? When the child heard this, he was suddenly relieved. Let the children understand that failure only occurs under specific conditions. This is not to make excuses for failure, but to use this special situation to guide the children to analyze the reasons for the mistakes, so that the children can avoid them in advance next time. Children can also reduce stress by understanding that certain failures and mistakes only occur under certain conditions. Everyone occasionally fails to do well. One failure does not mean eternal incompetence! Without the psychological pressure, he can face more challenges positively. A sentence of recognition gives children the energy to challenge. My best friend’s child was in badminton class. The teacher arranged for an older child to play with him. As a result, the best friend’s child only had to pick up the ball. After a series of setbacks, the child must be unhappy and tell his mother that he doesn\’t want to practice anymore. She said to the child: \”Do you know why the teacher arranged for the eldest brother to fight with you?\” The child said he didn\’t know. My best friend said: \”Because in the teacher\’s mind, you and that big brother are already on the same level! Mom also thinks that if you follow your seriousness the past few days and practice a few more times, you will definitely be able to catch up with him.\” After hearing this, the child immediately went to practice ball happily. When encountering failures and setbacks, children will inevitably have self-doubt and feel that they are \”not good\”, \”cannot\” and \”not suitable\”. At this time, parents’ recognition of their children is particularly important. Just a word of approval will sufficeGive your child energy and give him the courage to challenge and cope with difficulties. When it comes to recognizing their children, many parents like to use the \”praise method\”: \”My baby is awesome!\” \”My child is so smart\”! A reminder to everyone: when praising children, don’t praise the results, but praise the process. Praising the results will cause the child to have this understanding: \”My mother only praises me when I succeed. If I fail, she won\’t praise me.\” Therefore, the child will be afraid of losing, afraid of failure, and afraid of trying. This is a typical Fixed mindset. The process of praising children for their efforts is different. Children will think: \”I have been praised for my efforts, and I will continue to work hard in the future.\” In this way, children without the burden of success will dare to try, work hard, and keep growing upward. status. Appropriate embarrassment allows children to accumulate frustration experience. I remember when I was a child, my dad was repairing the car and asked me to help him find a wrench. He directed me outside the house: in the rightmost set of drawers under the TV. I flipped through it randomly: No! It\’s the middle drawer on the far right. still none! What about the bottom layer? Just not! It should be in the green tool box in that drawer. There\’s nothing in there! Then look for it in the yellow tool box? Found it! ! At this time, my mother was already going crazy, complaining that my father was too lazy: If you had gone to get it yourself, you would have found it already! I was struggling to direct her for a long time. Finally, my dad said that if she worked hard this time, she would save effort in the future. She would always know where the wrench is. Yes, I still remember where it is. After having CC, I have fully inherited the \”lazy\” gene. I will take the trouble to inform, guide, give suggestions and make plans for things that are \”easy to do\”, but I will never do it for you. For daily reading assignments, you record yourself and then upload them; for the handwritten newspapers in school, you don’t know how to draw? Then go to Baidu to check the information first. I can move my mouth, but I will never do it. As soon as many parents see their children getting stuck in the quagmire of problems, they want to help them get rid of the obstacles right away. With the help of parents, the children feel comfortable, but they also lose the \”opportunity to grow.\” What children really need is not \”a job\”, but a solution. Because what is more important than the results is the patience and experience accumulated by the child in solving problems, and these will eventually become her own abilities and qualities. When a child encounters difficulties, his brain will give him an illusion, causing him to have thoughts he doesn\’t like, and then thoughts of escaping. It\’s normal to feel withdrawn, but often times of crisis are also moments of greatest success. So at this time, we need to clearly tell our children: If your parents indulge you, it is not respecting you, but irresponsibility. Mom and Dad hope you have the courage to like, but also the ability and courage to persist. At the same time, teaching a child how to \”fish\” can guide the child to a stronger thinking mode and increase his own resilience. In this way, when he encounters difficulties again, he can try to resolve them on his own.

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