\”Why are you so stupid?\” \”I just found out that she is so stupid that I feel embarrassed even if she goes out.\” Along with the scolding, there was also the sound of a woman slapping a child. This is the daily life of a mother educating her daughter in \”Parenting Wars\”. Yuichi, a 4-year-old girl, is a child actor. Every time her mother teaches her to memorize her lines, she will be beaten and scolded if she does not follow her instructions at all. Faced with questions from parenting guests, Yuyi\’s mother explained: It was for the good of her child and she was afraid that she would be left behind by society. Yes, some parents always think that beating and scolding their children is for their own good. Little do they know that children who have been beaten and scolded by their parents will experience ups and downs in their hearts that cannot be healed. Spanking will affect children\’s IQ. Murray Strauss, an American expert on punishment and domestic violence, conducted a follow-up survey and conducted intelligence tests on 806 children aged 2-4 in the United States. He found that the average IQ of children who had not experienced corporal punishment was higher. 5 points higher than children who were spanked frequently. He said: \”Children who grow up under frequent violence will develop resistance or flight response mechanisms, and these will affect the child\’s intelligence. The more beatings, the slower the child\’s mental development will be. Even a small amount of beatings will have an impact. \”If this data is not shocking, let\’s look at a set of intuitive graphs. The image above shows the brains of two 3-year-old children. It can be clearly seen that the left side of the brain is much larger and has fewer dark areas than the right side. Neuroscientists say that the child on the right\’s lack of brain capacity is likely to cause him to lack some abilities, such as not being so smart, not empathetic enough, and prone to problems in career and mental health. Behind these two pictures are children raised by two different families. The mother of the child on the left has always been caring and responsive to her child, while the mother of the child on the right often ignores or beats her child. The suicide of Qin Yao, a 15-year-old child prodigy from Hubei, once shocked society. Qin Yao entered primary school at the age of 4, skipped two grades in a row, entered junior high school at the age of 8, and was recommended to the best local high school at the age of 12. She was reported by local media as a \”child prodigy\”. After entering high school, her grades began to decline, and she ranked 40th in a class of 65. Later, Qin Yao was criticized by her teacher for reading extracurricular books in class and called her parents. She chose to commit suicide to end her life. Before committing suicide, she left a suicide note expressing her thoughts: \”My parents don\’t love me if I can\’t read, but I\’m just too tired.\” Some experts have studied the reasons why Qin Yao went from being a child prodigy to committing suicide. They believe that the child\’s disappearance of talent and poor mental endurance are closely related to the high-pressure beating and scolding of the child by Qin Yao\’s mother. Qin Yao\’s mother had very high demands on her. She scored 119 points on a 120-point paper and was slapped twice when she returned home. Her grades declined and her mother beat her much harder than the average person. It seems that beating and scolding is the fastest way to educate children to \”make them obedient\”. But parents try to force their children to become good students by beating and scolding, but the fact is: the more they beat and scold, the more \”stupid\” their children become. Spanking and scolding seriously affects children\’s physical and mental health. Spanking and scolding not only affect children\’s IQ, but also cause harm to children\’s physical and mental health. The 8-year-old Chenchen in \”Super Parent\” has serious psychological problems due to long-term beatings and scolding by her mother. Chenchen\’s mother beat and scolded her son since he was a child. Whenever the child did something wrong, he would be beaten severely. It wasn\’t until the age of 8 that Chenchen began to resist. The way to resist is to say the right thing if you don\’t agree with itMy mother beat and kicked her, and even cursed her to death: \”You are a bastard, why don\’t you drink poison!\” Chenchen, who defeated his mother, was not happy either. The two words he said were very heartbreaking: \”She has been around since she was four or five years old. Then she started hitting me, and I just waited until now to fight back.\” \”I\’m scared every time I fight, afraid that I\’ll break my mother.\” The beating and scolding turned Chenchen, who should have been carefree at the age of 8, into a A poor child who is violent on the outside but helpless on the inside. Research results show that children who have been exposed to domestic violence for a long time have a significantly higher proportion of bad behaviors than other children. 25.7% of children have low self-esteem, 22.1% of children are indifferent, and 56.5% of children are irritable. Physical scars still have a chance to heal, but psychological damage is permanent. Beating and scolding make children put away their soft hearts and disguise themselves with either pleasing or rebellious behaviors. Not to mention happy growth, even basic physical and mental health cannot be guaranteed. Violence education will breed crime. The state of Indiana has tracked and studied 273 children. Among these children, 6% have not been spanked, 68% have been spanked by their mothers, and 26% have received severe corporal punishment. After six months of tracking, , concluded that the more severe the corporal punishment used by parents, the more aggressive behaviors children will have. These aggressions manifest themselves in school bullying, violent rebellion against parents, and even endanger society. There are really too many such news: a 16-year-old granddaughter beat her seventy-year-old grandmother in the street; a 14-year-old girl slapped her father more than ten times; a 12-year-old boy beat and pinched his mother\’s neck; and even a 12-year-old left-behind child committed matricide… It\’s sensational, but there are source. A city once conducted a survey on 408 juvenile offenders and found that the crime rate of juveniles who grew up in beatings and scolding was very high, reaching 84%. Psychological research has found that before the age of 12 is the basic personality formation stage of a child, many abnormal behaviors in adulthood are related to the violent and suppressed emotions suffered in childhood. For parents who choose to use simple and crude methods to discipline their children, the children may be twisted into \”filial sons under the stick\”, or they may be counterattacked by their parents\’ fists early on. In the end, the children, parents, and even society will bear the consequences. How to save a child who has been beaten and scolded? Beating and scolding children has so many harms. Only by understanding the root causes can we try to avoid tragedies: 1. The essence of beating and scolding children is that parents cannot control their emotions. The book \”Meet Children, Meet Better Self\” points out that parents Losing temper with children is often not the child\’s problem, but the parents\’ own emotions. Chenchen\’s mother in \”Super Parent\” admitted that when she beats and scolds her son, she often vents her anger on her husband on the child. The nursery teacher\’s rhetorical question is very heart-wrenching: \”A mother in her 40s can\’t control her own emotions, so why should she ask her 8-year-old child to control her emotions?\” If the child loses control of his emotions and wants to beat and scold him, how should parents control it? First of all, when you realize you are going to get angry, run to a place where no one is around. Tell your child: \”I\’m very angry right now. I need to stay by myself for a while. When we all calm down, we can discuss your problem again.\” Secondly, take care of yourself. The book \”Rebellion is not the child\’s fault, a warm upbringing without beating or scolding or anger\”\”Art\” proposes a 10-day training method, and the method prioritized by the author is: \”Taking good care of yourself will help you help your children.\” The author points out: The best way to change your attitude and behavior as a parent in a good direction That is, start taking good care of yourself. For example, take some time to do things to relieve stress, maintain other interests, seek help from family members, etc. A parent\’s momentary anger may ruin a child\’s lifelong happiness. As a parent, you must first control your emotions when disciplining your children. 2. A friend of the Violence Education Society said that her child was crying today, and after repeated attempts to coax her failed, she suddenly roared, pulled the child up, and slapped the child on the head. The moment the slap came out, she I was also shocked. She said: \”The parts, movements and even the look on my face when I spanked my child were exactly the same as when my dad spanked me when I was a child. I completely copied my dad\’s look without realizing it, which is what I hate the most.\” The influence of a person is deep-rooted. In this family, our behavior habits and values are all affected by it. When we become adults, we will unconsciously imitate some behaviors in our original family. We can\’t choose our family of origin, but that doesn\’t mean we can\’t change it. First of all, we must realize that although the family of origin has an impact on children, the family of origin cannot take the blame entirely. Do not use the family of origin as an excuse for refusing to grow and change. Secondly, you must study books on parenting, psychology, and positive discipline, and slowly adjust your behavioral habits. We cannot choose our family of origin. But we can choose to give our children a new family of origin. 3. Use the patience and tolerance of a parent to raise children. It is like seeking scriptures from the West. Situations occur frequently. There will always be endless monsters to defeat and endless demons to destroy. Everyone has times when they are at a loss or collapse, but from us From the moment you become a \”parent\”, you shoulder the task of shaping a new life with a beautiful life. The biggest trick in raising children is to always remember patience and tolerance. This is what Teacher Fan Deng does when it comes to educating children. His son especially liked to play football in the living room. Once, he refused to listen and broke his mother\’s favorite cup. The child was very scared, and Teacher Fan Deng was also very angry, because the cup was very expensive, and he felt really distressed. But he controlled his temper: \”It\’s good that you weren\’t hurt. Please pay attention in the future. It\’s a pity that this cup was broken. Is there any way you can avoid this kind of thing in the future?\” The child said: \”You can\’t play in the living room. Ball.\” After thinking about it, he added: \”Intense sports are not allowed to be played in the living room.\” Since then, although there are many fragile items in the house, the child has never broken one. There is a sentence worth pondering for parents: People regard beating adults as violation, and beating animals as cruelty, but why do they call beating children education? When a child is least liked, it is actually when he needs love the most. Stop hurting children wantonly in the name of \”education\”. Spanking and scolding will only make children forced to fear. Only hugs can make children take the initiative to become talented.