\”Cold treatment\” of babies crying at night is the biggest misunderstanding in discipline

I saw a video on Weibo that made me cry. A couple was driving and talking, both of them a little irritable. The little boy kept clamoring in the back seat to play with the car toys. The mother first tried to stop him, but the boy still went his own way. Recommended books on scientific parenting. I really wish my parents had read this book. Download the electronic version. The mother snatched the toy away with her hands, but the boy climbed into the front seat and tried to snatch it back. The father was furious and wanted to teach the child a lesson, so he stopped the car on the side of the road, abandoned the boy and his toys, turned around and drove away. They didn\’t go far before the couple regretted it and quickly turned around to find their child. But at this time, the boy was hit by a passing car and could no longer respond… In life, we often encounter children who make mistakes or make trouble unreasonably and refuse to listen to advice. Many parents want to \”cold-treat\” their children and let them know they are wrong. Although it may not always lead to tragedy, this indifferent way of coping is the biggest misunderstanding when we deal with children\’s negative emotions. Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: Where there is no response, there is a desperate situation. Behind every child who is treated coldly and obediently, there is a backlog of invisible fear and sorrow. The child who collapsed was not a child. Two days before the performance, a video of a \”cute baby crying in his sleep\” was trending on Weibo. In the video, the child fell to the ground and cried loudly, while his young parents were standing not far away. They neither helped nor coaxed, but just watched the child\’s \”performance\” indifferently. The couple crossed their arms and tilted their bodies, looking a bit coldly on the sidelines. The 25-episode 1080P video of Feeling Better, a British BBC children\’s emotional intelligence development cartoon, has won the likes of more than 200,000 netizens. This style of not being threatened by children\’s crying seems to have become a breath of fresh air in discipline. However, when we stand on the opposite side of our children from a distance and watch them collapse and cry with cold eyes, do we really understand how our children feel? Many people think that when a child cries, it is a threat, and when a child behaves, it is a rebellion, so they refuse to give in. But this is just an adult\’s misinterpretation. The child who collapsed was not a performance. I watched an episode of \”Super Parenting\”. The little girl wanted to drink milk before meals, but her mother didn\’t agree. The little girl collapsed instantly. She made a fuss like crazy, grabbed her mother\’s clothes, and sat on the ground crying her heart out. The mother first reasoned and told her that she couldn\’t drink milk now because she had to eat. Seeing that the child was getting more and more noisy, the mother began to say harshly, \”If you cry again, I will leave!\” The mother was angry and annoyed. In her eyes, she refused to listen to reason, and threats were ineffective, leaving her helpless and having a headache. But in fact, children losing their temper is just their most instinctive reaction. Child education expert Kimberly Brain said: \”Children lose their temper because they have an innate, natural instinct to insist on realizing all their wishes.\” Adults know how to control, but children do not understand. Their ability to express is limited and they can only express their dissatisfaction through such extreme behavior. Parents\’ avoidance and distance obviously cannot teach children to understand and abide by the rules, and can only make them more and more out of control in anxiety. Parents\’ \”cold treatment\”,It will only colden the child\’s heart. Sometimes, the child is in trouble and cannot be persuaded, and the parents cannot communicate and cannot be satisfied blindly. In the end, I had to keep the children cold and let them have enough trouble. When the tantrum is useless, the child will naturally stop having trouble. However, does the child\’s restraint and quietness really recognize his mistake? It reminds me of the scene in the first season of the variety show \”Where Are We Going, Dad\” when Guo Tao and his son Shitou had a \”breakup\”. At that time, Shitou was injured in his arm and acted like a spoiled child and refused to eat well. Guo Tao\’s expression changed drastically, he took him away from the dining table and forced him to reflect against the wall. Later, Guo Tao asked Shitou to go back to gather, but Shitou didn\’t want to go back. In a rage, Guo Tao shut him out and ignored him. Shitou immediately panicked and chased after his father fawningly, saying that he would behave well. On the surface, Shitou no longer has any emotions and is much more obedient and obedient. [The most complete in history] Watch Crayon Shin-chan 2019 The Movie online for free, all 3282 episodes. However, when asked \”Does Dad love himself?\”, Shitou became very hesitant: \”Sometimes, if he doesn\’t love me, he just doesn\’t Take care of me.\” When a child loses his temper, cold treatment is like a withdrawal of love, which will make the child question his parents\’ love for him. At first, he was just a little dissatisfied because his needs were not met. But when he realizes that his parents are indifferent to his sadness, anger, pain, and even collapse, this is the most terrifying message sent to the child: My feelings are not important to my parents. On the one hand, children will become more out of control and collapse out of fear. On the other hand, during long-term emotional indifference, children close off their own feelings and find it difficult to establish trust and intimate connections. American behaviorist psychologist Watson once believed in this cold treatment training method. He suggested that when the child cries, do not hold or comfort it, as this will make the child worse and more pampered. However, under his harsh training, the children without exception ended in tragedy. Whether you stand by, turn away, or ignore it, for children, it is mental cold violence. This feeling of neglect and abandonment by a parent can crush any child. Real calmness requires loving actions. It is indeed difficult to communicate with children when they are emotional. It is necessary to calm them down first. Professor Li Meijin also said that when a child cries, parents should not intervene until the child has released his emotions. However, handling it calmly does not mean standing by and watching, let alone mocking. Our actions can be cold, but our hearts cannot be cold. 1. Understand and sympathize with children\’s feelings. When actor Hu Ke took his son Xiao Yu\’er to participate in the show, Xiao Yu\’er wanted to buy Ultraman toys, but her mother did not agree. Xiao Yu\’er\’s mentality immediately collapsed, crying and scolding \”stinky mother\”. 100 Game Lesson Plans for 3-Year-Old Sensory Integration Training DOC File Download Hu Ke did not get angry, nor did he reason repeatedly. Instead, he squatted down and hugged him and said: \”I know you want it very much…\” Xiao Yuer went from excitement to resistance, and finally Slowly soften down. Children\’s emotions, from dissatisfaction to complete loss of control, are actually \”pushed\” by their parents. The child\’s wish itself is not wrong. Parents\’ indifference or even threats prevent the child from understanding, which in turn triggers more intense emotions. The more tit-for-tat you are with your child, the more likely your child will becomeWill be more resistant. Respecting the child\’s wishes and expressing care and sympathy for him can help the child calm down. 2. Emotional guidance, teaching children to deal with emotions correctly. Sometimes, parents will be confused. I express my sympathy and understanding, but why is it ineffective? Empathy can calm children, but the more critical step is to teach children to handle their emotions correctly. Two techniques can be used here. First, explain the rules and clearly tell us what is expected of our children. For example: I know you are angry and you really want to drink milk, but I\’m sorry, we have to eat later, so we can\’t drink milk. Secondly, teach children how to deal with lost emotions. There is a video on the Internet of a father comforting his daughter, which is the best template for guidance. Facing his angry daughter, the father said: \”You can be angry with us, you can get angry, you can yell, or use a pillow to vent your anger, and then learn to let it go slowly.\” He hopes that children can control their emotions and teach them how to communicate. The best way. 3. Give children the right to choose within constraints. Every child has the desire to be independent. It is really normal to cry when the request is rejected. At this time, within the constraints, you might as well give the child the right to choose, which can not only teach the child self-control, but also guide the child to learn to solve problems. Once, my daughter wanted to buy a Barbie doll. After being rejected, she cried and stayed in the store, refusing to leave. I said to her: Let\’s make a \”wish list\”. You can put Barbie in it, and you can add everything else you like. Waiting for your birthday or Christmas, you can choose anything from your wish list. She thought about it carefully, accepted the wish list proposal, and began to think about what to put on the wish list. Children\’s wishes are sometimes very simple. Although they cannot be fulfilled immediately, they deserve to be respected. When we take it seriously, children\’s tolerance and understanding will exceed imagination. Jane Nelson, the author of \”Positive Discipline\” said: The prerequisite for wanting a child to behave well is to first make him feel good. Faced with a crying and collapsed child, the parents\’ indifference and alienation can only make him deny himself in uneasiness. Adhering to rules and accepting your child\’s emotions are never two sides of the same coin. After all, stopping crying is not the goal; guiding children to learn self-control and deal with emotions is the real discipline. Stop using cold treatment to cool down a soft heart. Dr. Xu Youjia: Children\’s Health Knowledge and Diet Therapy Encyclopedia e-book [Ultra HD full color version]