• Wed. Feb 21st, 2024

Do you dare to be a stepmother?

Junior sister Jiazhen told me two days ago that she had just returned from Hong Kong with her daughter. People traveling with her were dumbfounded at the way she took care of her daughter, and asked her one after another: Is she her biological child? Really not a stepmother? My daughter Xixi wanted to eat a peach, but the children next to her asked her to take off the skin before eating, so she also asked her to do the same. Jiazhen told Xixi: You have two choices, one is not to eat it, and the other is to take care of the skin yourself. This is not the first time Niang Xixi has seen this kind of thing. When she was very young, her mother told her that I can’t hold you, and you have to walk by yourself when you go out. Not only do they have to walk on their own, but after the age of four and a half, they are also required to pull their own boxes and carry their own backpacks when going out. Jiazhen originally bought a trolley suitcase for her own use. After her daughter turned five, she discovered that the suitcase was just right for Xixi, so she let Xixi drag it when she went out. When picking up luggage at the airport, she also took care of the conveyor belt. Xixi, who had no hope for this girl, had her request for peaches rejected. She chewed the skin of the peach with her teeth and spat it out without saying a word, and finally ate the peach. Jiazhen didn\’t want to get up early, so she stopped eating breakfast, but Xixi wanted to eat. Jiazhen said to her daughter: Go find those people who came with us. If any family goes to have breakfast, ask them to take you there. \”But where will I find them\”? \”You can wait in the lobby, and when you see them, tell them I want to have breakfast in the restaurant, and they will take you there.\” Xixi thinks this is very troublesome. From now on, every time she arrives at a hotel, she will ask which floor the breakfast room is, so that she can come down and have breakfast by herself the next morning. Many people think that traveling with children is the end of the world. All the energy is focused on the children and they don’t want to have fun themselves, but Xixi must be an exception. Jiazhen once took Xixi to Yunnan. Xixi asked Jiazhen seriously: Mom, can we prepare something to eat? Dai cuisine is spicy except for rice. Parents traveling with us have been anxious about this matter. What should their children do? Only Jiazhen did not treat Xixi at all and did not take her to KFC, McDonald\’s or a Western restaurant. She told Xixi: If you don\’t know how to eat spicy food, you will lose a lot of happy, fresh and happy experiences in your life. Even if you don\’t feel comfortable with it now, you can learn to eat less. Xixi then began to conquer spicy food in her life, with the heart of seeking pleasure. I told Jiazhen: Girls in the philosophy department are so brainwashed that they can find ways to be lazy from any angle. She laughed and said: Why can\’t children eat spicy food? Self-imprisonment? I always feel that Jiazhen\’s approach is lazy, but I cannot firmly believe that this laziness is wrong. Xixi will go to school next year, and Jiazhen plans to send her to a bilingual school that doesn\’t pay much attention to grades. Bilingual schools are different from international schools. They are for Chinese students. They must receive compulsory education, use statutory Chinese textbooks, and must take the national college entrance examination, but the concepts are completely different. It basically doesn\’t care about the test scores and is another teaching model. The school will interview parents when recruiting students. In addition to certain financial capabilities, it also depends on the parents\’ firmness in this concept. Because after entering this school, I basically gave up the idea of ​​taking the college entrance examination in China. If Xixi wants to go to an ordinary private school, she needs to take some exams to meet the basic requirements of first-year primary school students.This ability. For example, how many skipping ropes can you jump in one minute, what are your specialties, and how many awards do you have? These are not absolute requirements, but will affect the threshold for entry into a selection. The teaching concept of this bilingual school believes that these untrained people cannot meet the standards. In order for their children to meet the standards, many parents have to start preparing this interest and that interest very early. For children, these are likely to be just Pseudo interest. They believe that when children are young, they should pay more attention to physical health, have no shortcomings, and have balanced development. They should not overemphasize or exaggerate the child\’s strengths. The child\’s strengths will be revealed during the development process. At that time, you can develop your true interests and specialties, and your shortcomings can be forgiven. This school also believes that we must pay attention to big ball, because big ball is a team event, which means social interaction, cooperative spirit, making friends and the experience of losing. All children should learn a big ball project. Some friends think she is irresponsible and believe that attending an ordinary school can give her children more choices: study at home or go abroad. Her actions undoubtedly ruined one of her daughter\’s choices. Jiazhen said: Why are there so many choices? I\’m not escaping, I just chose another system. I once asked Jiazhen: Are you afraid of trouble? There are exams here and there, various rankings, children go to school, and adults are tortured. If you go to a bilingual school, you don\’t have to worry about taking exams again and again. You just need to concentrate on making money. When the time comes, you will have money to send abroad. She said it didn\’t seem unfair to say so. If Xixi wants to go to a good school, she has to buy a house in the school district. We are still in the entrepreneurial stage now. Houses in the school district are so expensive, so we can only buy a small one. I don’t want to live in such a small house, and I can’t accept living in a small house for my children to study for so many years, so I have only one option left, which is to study in a private school. The competition in ordinary private schools is fierce. In order for children to keep up, it is very normal to attend 6 interest classes, including language and mathematics. You must have special skills, and there is a big difference between learning outside class and not learning at all. For example, if you don’t learn Mathematical Olympiad, you definitely won’t be able to do it. She said she was very resistant to this status quo, perhaps out of selfishness. She felt she still had a lot to achieve and didn\’t want to spend so much energy on education. She would rather spend time taking Xixi to travel and play than doing homework with her. Therefore, she decided to spend 70,000 yuan a year to send her daughter to a bilingual school, which was more cost-effective than buying a house in the school district. The way Jiazhen raises her daughter is indeed different from other mothers. She does not intentionally raise her daughter to be independent, but she is a person who is not so entangled and anxious. People who know her well, such as me, will not cover her name. Knowing that she did this is like how she wanted to live in a big house very early on, but couldn\’t afford it, so she stopped buying it and went to rent a townhouse in Meijiawu. After going there, many friends said: The air is good and the choices are good, but after returning, they still scrimped on food and clothing to pay the mortgage. So many parents tell their children with tears in their eyes, \”I am for you, we are all for you,\” but Jiazhen keeps saying: I don\’t want to live in a small house for you, and I don\’t want to give up what I want to do for you, every day. Do your homework with you. The concept of biological mother and stepmother is just a very traditional concept. Stepmother is easy to be accused of being rough, but in fact it is probably a concept.Difference. Jiazhen is not avoiding everything that a mother must do. For example, she was hesitant before about letting Xixi live on campus. A senior brother said something to her that made her give up the idea of ​​letting Xixi live on campus. The senior brother said that it is better to have contact with children every day than once a week. If you have negative emotions at school, you can communicate on the same day without living on campus to resolve your emotions. The child has a poor memory. When he comes back five days later, he has forgotten everything about why the child had negative emotions, and only the emotions remain. There is another thing that perhaps other parents have not noticed. Many introverted children are not very good at expressing themselves, which leaves them with no outlet for their emotions. Therefore, parents must help them express themselves when they are young. For example, when Xixi cried, Jiazhen would ask her: Why are you crying? How are you feeling now? Is it a grievance? What kind of grievance? Was he left out or scolded by his grandma? In the process of expression, the child clarifies himself and is released. With the body and mind of a biological mother, not everyone can do the behavior of a stepmother. Please do what you can according to your own rank.

By admin

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