When Sarah, an educator, moved her three children from Shanghai to Israel 30 years ago, she once believed that loving children should be like this: taking care of everything for their children, and giving all of their lives, wealth, status, time, and experiences to their children. . After arriving in Israel, when she was busy preparing meals and filling bowls of rice for her three eldest children, her neighbors couldn\’t stand it and \”said\” to the children in public: \”How can you watch your mother busy like a guest?\” You are busy with the work and you don\’t lend a hand to help your mother? How can you stay still and wait for your mother to serve you?\” He turned his head and scolded her as a mother: \”Don\’t think that you are the mother after giving birth to a child. There are all parents in the world who don\’t love their children. Yes, but you must be measured, principled and methodical in loving your children.\” These merciless instructions instantly awoke Shala. It turns out that taking care of everything yourself and not letting your children do it is not loving but hurting. BFSU Cao Wen: How children become English academic masters [Real full 50 episodes + PDF] Since then, Shala has changed the way of love, and finally raised two outstanding sons, and also wrote the world-famous \”Specially Cruel, Specially Loved\” . In her view, parents who truly care about their children\’s happiness must be ruthless enough to hide half of their love, and know how to retreat and let go when necessary. Especially in adolescence, when children grow up and become sensible, education can only be effective if their parents are \”cruel\”. Let go and let the children carry their own burdens. I accidentally saw an interview with \”veteran drama star\” Zhang Hongjie, and I felt an indescribable feeling in my heart. During the interview, the white-haired man, who is over 70 years old, recounted his experience of having three children take turns \”gnawing at the old age\”. After retirement, he had no idea how much money he would receive every month. The third child is not married yet, so the eldest child and the second child will receive their pension in turn. Later, when the third child got married, he received the money. Now the money belongs to the grandson and daughter-in-law. The reason is simple, because they have no jobs and no money, so they have to spend it. This is nothing. In the early years, he spent money to help all the younger members of his family buy houses and insurance, ensuring that they would receive money and have enough food and clothing after they turned 50. Others say that his children are gnawing at their elders, but he firmly disagrees and keeps saying that \”parents live for their children.\” However, in exchange for his sacrifice, dedication and arrangements, his wife was paralyzed and bedridden. He relied on him alone to earn money for filming and medical treatment. No one among the dozen or so juniors helped him, but instead \”eyed him covetously\”. Seeing this, I can’t help but lament that doing everything for the child will only deprive the child of the ability to care for others and stifle his sense of responsibility. Children with no sense of responsibility will never grow up mentally, no matter how well they are fed and warmly clothed, and they will never be able to carry their own burdens. Parents can give their children a lot of love, but they cannot replace their children\’s growth. Only by letting go and giving children the opportunity to \”take responsibility for themselves\” can children realize that they are part of the family and that they have to take responsibility for some things. Once I went to my neighbor\’s house. As soon as I entered the door, I saw her tall son lying on the edge of the balcony, cleaning the anti-theft net. Frankly speaking, it is rare to see an adolescent child willing to do such tiring work, but the child didn\’t think anything of it. After washing, he went to the toilet and continued to clean the toilet. After chatting, I learned that every weekend, the children have to do housework. When I\’m not cleaning the kitchen, I\’m washing the toilet and sweeping the balcony windows. AlthoughThere is a nanny at home, but the neighbor still insists on this arrangement, just to let the children know that they have to clean their own home. While doing housework, you are also reminding your children: No one can live in a comfortable and warm home with peace of mind. If you want to gain, you must learn to give. After listening to the neighbor\’s sharing and looking at the hard-working children, I really wanted to give them a thumbs up on the spot. Children trained in this way will definitely be more confident and responsible than others no matter where they go in the future. Parents let go and children take action. This is called growth. Step back and let your children construct their own life coordinates. I watched a video in which Ah Xuan, a girl from Sun Yat-sen University, mocked herself as a \”985 waste\”: She was admitted to a university that everyone envied, and followed the crowd to apply for a major. But once she entered, she found that the major The content is too difficult and you can’t learn it at all. Coupled with the lack of interest, I became even more disheartened in my sophomore year. I felt that \”that\’s it\” and just wanted to hang out. I finally found some sense of accomplishment in the drama club, and I thought about pursuing a graduate degree in art. But after telling her about it, she didn’t understand it and rejected it without thinking too much. She believed that art can only be regarded as a hobby and cannot be regarded as a profession. The cold water poured over her head and face, and she didn\’t know how much enthusiasm she had extinguished. In reality, there are too many children like her who have studied hard for twelve years and finally entered higher education with excellent results. I thought that my life would be rewritten and I would become a \”dragon and phoenix among men\”. Who knew that in a university where there are so many masters, I would be small and confused, with no idea what I could do. Growing up, they were used to following a step-by-step approach, and their parents were planning and directing them on how to go and learn. As a result, I left my parents, had no advisers, lost my direction in an instant, lost my sense of security, and stood at a crossroads in my life, unable to move on. In the final analysis, their confusion is related to not having many choices since childhood. Yu Dan, a professor at Beijing Normal University, said that the way to get rid of the sorrow of these well-fed children is to make them \”expanded\” and help them establish a life coordinate. Give your child a chance to choose, and he will truly grow up. Do you still remember Zhong Fangrong, a girl from Hunan who was admitted to the Department of Archeology at Peking University two years ago? She scored 676 points in the college entrance examination and was in the top ten in Hunan liberal arts. These two resounding achievements were enough for her to choose the best major at Peking University. But she insisted on enrolling in archeology, ignoring the \”regrets\” of others and remaining firm in her choice. Behind this is the respect and support her parents have given her since childhood, giving her enough confidence to stick to this seemingly \”promising\” path. Compared with other people of her age, she is undoubtedly wiser, and it is up to her to decide what she wants. Many times, it is undeniable that parents have high hopes for their children’s future with good intentions. It’s just that no matter how much you want to help your children make decisions, you can’t be their children’s leader for the rest of your life, you can only be a staff advisor and military advisor. It is still up to the child to take responsibility for his own life and let him learn to control, choose and make decisions. Only in this way can children follow their hearts, find the coordinates of life in their own unique and wise way, and move forward bravely. Stop for a moment and let your children go their own way independently. You might as well think back to the moments when you accompany your children to grow up in those years: when the lovely baby just starts to learn to walk, do the parents always stretch their hands forward, thinking about catching the baby at any time?Let him fall; on the first day when the child enters school, do they check the school bag, shoes, and uniforms over and over again to make sure there are no mistakes? When the child is older and proposes to go to school by himself, do the parents say they agree, but the result is still secret? Hiding behind and following along? Children grow up day by day, and the distance between them and their parents gradually widens. This is a natural law and an inevitable stage. If you always treat your child as weak and sensitive as when you were a child, always being inseparable, and surrounding him all day long, what will happen to your child? I have to wait for my parents to prepare everything I eat and use. I don’t know how to peel off eggs or tie shoelaces. When something happens, I cry for father and mother. In this case, how can we expect our children to be independent and independent after leaving home? Liu Yong wrote in \”Creating Yourself\”: \”The most basic manifestation of a mature person is that he cares about his own future and creates his own future. He no longer relies on his parents to solve everything, but has the ability to be independent. \”This reminds me of an experience that the famous family education instructor Liu Chenglian had with her daughter. When my daughter attended summer camp in fifth grade, she had to leave home for twelve days. At first, she and her husband waited for a call from their daughter every day to find out how her daughter was doing. But on the third day, her daughter said that she had a lot of things to do every day and there were many people waiting in line to call, so she stopped calling every day. Later, because they were worried, the parents drove two hours to the camp to see their children. The child was not seen, but the parents themselves began to cry. After listening to this, Liu Chenglian was extremely emotional: She obviously wanted to train her children to take care of themselves, but in the end, the parents refused to let their children become independent. When her daughter participated in the seven-day military training in the first year of junior high school, she didn\’t ask about her daughter\’s situation at all, she didn\’t receive a single phone call, and she still felt calm and relaxed. In fact, my daughter is doing very well and has good self-care ability. During the three years of junior high school, I either rode a bicycle to school alone or took the bus home without my parents having to worry about it. In fact, children are not as weak as adults think. They only need to stand far behind and give them a chance, so that they can be exercised and gain the ability to be truly independent. Parents\’ stopping and watching from a distance is the best love for children to feel a world of their own. In fact, as a mother of adolescent children, I have reflected countless times during the 13 years that I have been accompanying my son: Many times, I know that I have to let go, not to be too anxious, and to just let nature take its course and wait for the flowers to bloom. But when I saw that my child had different opinions from me, his grades were slipping, and he would most likely not be able to go to a good school, I couldn\’t help but start a fight with him. The outcome is often worse, with both sides losing. The only useful approach is to constantly adjust yourself, lower yourself a little, and learn to treat your children equally. He is no longer the little baby who follows his parents all day long, but a \”little adult\” who is getting fuller and ready to leave at any time and embark on a new journey. When he was a child, his parents could give him intense, hot and intimate love. When he grows up, all he can do is to be \”cruel\” and exit gracefully. No matter how reluctant he is to leave, he can only watch silently. This \”letting go\” has already been destined. Only by watching his background fade away with blessings can we promise him a truly beautiful and free future. Learning to separate is the deepest love a parent can have.