Good children are taught, not cruel

In the program \”Teacher, Please Answer\”, a seven-year-old boy cried: My mother often calls me \”two hundred and five\”. The little boy has poor grades and is often bullied by his mother while doing homework. His mother often scolded him when he took too long to do homework. When her temper got angry, she would also say some words that made him very sad. The little boy told the staff: \”I will work very hard. I hope my mother will give me more opportunities and stop scolding me!\” The little boy cried while talking, as if he had released all the emotions he had suppressed for a long time. It can be seen that the little boy is really sad. His mother said this: \”I just don\’t control it sometimes, and I didn\’t expect to make the child so sad.\” Yes! Many parents never realize that they are hurting their children bit by bit. Our casual words and random outbursts of temper can cause irreversible damage to our children. Rousseau said: The three most useless education methods in the world are: losing temper, reasoning, and deliberately moving. I deeply agree. The more cruel parents are to their children, the more scared they will be. This is the most useless way of education. How many parents are hurting their children in the name of \”love\” and \”yelling when they disagree and regretting after scolding\” is the norm for many parents and has become a vicious cycle in many family education. Some parents think that if their children are disobedient, they can just yell twice, but this kind of education method has many disadvantages. A doctoral study at the University of Michigan found that emotional damage and physical pain have very similar reactions in the human brain. If a person is sad to the point of \”heartbreak,\” then that person may actually experience \”heartbreak\” levels of pain in their nervous system. Every time a parent yells at their child unscrupulously, it will make the child feel fear and fear in his heart, and this feeling will accompany the child as he grows up. There is a phenomenon in psychology called the \”over-limit effect\”, which refers to the phenomenon of being impatient or rebellious due to excessive stimulation, too strong stimulation, or long-term effects. On the surface, the child will not resist and remains silent, but in fact, there will be resistance and rebellious emotions in his heart. In milder cases, children may become rebellious and antagonize their parents. The fear is that many children mute their emotions. If parents often yell at their children with harsh words, comforting them afterwards will not eliminate the negative emotions, but will remain in their brains forever. In her autobiography \”Mom, Mania and Me,\” writer Diane Dweller recalled her childhood life: Her mother was very irritable and would lose her temper at her and her sister for no reason, and yelling was common. In the family, she desperately lowered her sense of existence and met her mother\’s requirements without any bottom line. No matter how well she did, her mother always criticized her and picked on her. She has been living in the shadow of self-denial since she was a child. Because of this, she became a people-pleaser. After she got married, when faced with her husband\’s scolding, she always tried to please him and blindly satisfied her husband, but would only find reasons in herself. This recurring tragedy will continue because of the parents and will not change as the children grow up. All injuries in adults are caused by childhood. Children\’s young minds are easily bruised, and any rough and arbitrary education methods are inappropriate.of. Good children are taught, not cruel. There is a popular question on Zhihu: Which parents have you seen who were surprised by your education methods? There are more than 5,000 responses below, and everyone is telling their own story. Netizen @piejo shared his story: His parents have never beaten or scolded him since he was ten years old because they wanted to protect his self-esteem. Instead, every time he made a mistake, he would write a review. When he was ten years old, he was asked by his parents to write an 800-word self-reflection. He could not go out until he finished writing. If he wrote poorly, he would have to rewrite it. Not only that, every time he finished writing, his father would correct typos and discuss with him the mistakes in the book. At that time, in order not to rewrite, he would sum up his experience every time so that he could escape better the next time he wrote. Unexpectedly, his parents\’ education method turned him into a literary genius. As the number of words in his parents\’ self-review continued to increase, his writing skills also continued to improve. By the time he got to college, he had won many literary awards in his life and became a popular figure in the school. Parents with truly high emotional intelligence must find a way to truly educate their children in their children\’s mistakes. As long as we are children, we will make mistakes. Some parents think that if their children make mistakes, they will be punished. But in fact, children who are yelled at by their parents have not changed anything except becoming afraid of their parents. You will also feel the indifference of family affection due to excessive condemnation from your parents. Children\’s education depends on the pattern of their parents. Only parents who are small-minded will educate their children by yelling and scolding. Parents with truly high IQs understand that good children are taught, not cruel. The education of true love requires restraint. True education does not lie in \”violating children\” but in \”teaching children.\” Roaring is a kind of wantonness, but the education of love requires restraint. Parents who are truly far-sighted must know how to \”teach\” their children this way. 1. Lower your voice. A university professor once pointed out: \”The smaller the voice that blames children, the more seriously the children will listen, and the better the educational effect will be.\” Sometimes, if we yell and yell at children, it is better to use our voices in front of educating children. Putting it down and calming down will have the effect of getting twice the result with half the effort. A mother named Barbara really didn’t know how to lower her voice and educate her children without yelling or yelling, so she consulted a childcare provider. The nursery teacher gave her a suggestion: \”Let her not rush to yell at the child when the child makes a mistake.\” First, process the words she yelled at the child and say it in a calm tone: \”No, stop, don\’t do that. \”With such a small training, the child went from being unwilling to pay attention to her to talking to her with wide eyes; from yelling at her to starting to communicate with her in a low voice. Parents lower their voices so that children will not have rebellious psychology. At the same time, children can understand the mistakes they have made and get opportunities to grow again and again. Real education should be \”lower your voice and get into the child\’s heart.\” 2. Look at the child\’s strengths. There was a survey on \”How parents treat their children\’s performance in school\” and found that American parents have relatively good evaluations of their children, while Chinese parents tend to see bad things about their children.On the other hand, parents often like to magnify their children\’s shortcomings. If we can change our perspective, ignore the child\’s shortcomings, and look more at the child\’s strengths, we will find that the child will develop in the direction we expect. A parenting expert told a story: When his son was three years old, he tried to button his clothes, but the clothes turned out to be crooked, but he expected his mother\’s praise. At this time, she did not criticize the child, but said, \”The baby is awesome, the last button is particularly good, let\’s try to button it up and see what happens.\” Finally, with the help of the mother, the child put all the buttons on I buttoned everything up and learned to put on clothes. We should not always focus on the children\’s mistakes, but should pay more attention to what the children do well, give the children a little encouragement, and help them discover that the children will really get better and better. 3. Discuss the matter as it is and make children responsible for the consequences of their actions. Many parents yell at their children to make them remember. But education that raises the decibel level is the most useless, because it doesn’t get to the point. There is a passage in \”Children Are Not Stupid\”: \”Adults often think that they communicate with us by talking a lot to us. In fact, they are talking to themselves and feel happy.\” In fact, after children make mistakes, we should not settle old scores. Instead, clearly tell the child the seriousness of the mistake they made, and let the child bear the corresponding consequences. These are much more effective than any yelling method. In the past, I often yelled at my children, but at that time they would not listen at all. Later, I stopped yelling at him. Every time I go home and see my son throwing toys all over the house, I will patiently tell my son: \”Toys are for playing, don\’t throw them around. You must put them back into the toy basket after playing.\” Every time I asked him to put the toys back in their place, he obeyed and did so. Over time, children have developed a good habit of tidying up. Tell your child that you have made a mistake and you must take responsibility for it; instead of yelling and helping your child solve the problem. Parents who are truly far-sighted will definitely not be the product of emotions. They will understand that the real meaning of educating children is to talk to them gently and well. There is a saying that goes like this: \”Like the spring breeze thawing the frozen soil, like the harmonious atmosphere melting away the ice, this is the model of the family.\” When talking to your children, you should let them feel like the spring breeze and dissolve the frozen soil on the earth; like this spring sunshine, give your children The warmest love allows each other to have a spiritual connection. A roar may make the relationship between them farther and farther away; but an encouragement can open the door to a child\’s success.