Good parents raise children, bad parents keep slaves. Which one are you?

Saw this news. A couple in their sixties had an only daughter. They both loved their daughter very much. The girl wants to study abroad after graduating from high school. The couple sold their large house and replaced it with a smaller one to raise enough money for their daughter to study abroad. After graduation, the girl found a job and a boyfriend in the United States. She planned to marry her boyfriend and settle in the United States. Faced with this result, my father could not accept it. He asked his daughter to return to China to work and not allow her to marry a foreign boyfriend, otherwise he would sever the father-daughter relationship. He said: \”I really regret sending her out to study now. This was the worst decision in my life.\” He felt that he had worked hard for decades to cultivate a daughter for others. What worries him most is: if he loses contact with his only daughter, how will he live the remaining decades? Parents always worry – will I raise my children to be white-eyed wolves? Could it be that I have worked so hard to raise them and they will not support me when I am old? Parents only need to do two things, and they don\’t have to worry about their children becoming \”white-eyed wolves\”. The first point: you love your children and be good to them. Love between people grows through interaction. If you love your child and take care of him when he is weak, he will love you and take care of you when you are weak. The attributes of the human species – if you are good to me, I will be good to you. Of course there are exceptions, but those are rare events, such as a certain personality disorder. But if you abuse him, bully him, ignore him, despise him, and are irresponsible to him, you will want to blackmail him with \”filial piety\” in the future. Sorry, you can\’t do it. Point two: You are filial to your parents. People are born to imitate their parents, which is the source of the original family imprint. Children will imitate their parents\’ behavior, imitate their parents\’ attitudes towards life, and form concepts similar to their parents\’. Therefore, the family of origin will affect a person\’s marriage. Husband and wife treat each other well and courteously, and children will probably treat their partners well and courteously after they get married. The family of origin also affects a person\’s parenting. Parents are gentle, loving, respectful and sincere to their children, and do not abuse or beat them. This pattern will basically continue when the children become parents in the future. Similarly, how parents treat their elders will also become an important reference standard for how children will treat their parents in the future. The father who is worried that his daughter will have no one to take care of her in her old age after she goes abroad may be worried too much. But if their daughter can ensure that they will be fully supported when they grow old, will their worries be relieved? Won\’t. Worrying about old age care is not the root of their worries. The root of their worries is that they \”cannot live without their children.\” This father regrets sending his daughter to study abroad so much because he doesn’t know, “How will he live the remaining decades if he loses contact with his only daughter?” Everyone is familiar with the “Oedipus complex.” But many people are not aware that there is a kind of toxic parent-child relationship in this world called \”love-child plot\”. It is parents who cannot live without their children. The most important career in someone\’s life, that is, raising children. In their hearts, children are their faith, their future, and their hope. On the one hand, they worship their children like \”gods\” and sacrifice themselves to satisfy him. On the other hand, they do not raise the child as an independent individual. Or use the child as your own substitute to realize your unfinished wishes. Or treat the child as your own spiritual doll and raise a child who is full of \”servility\”. Control his will and don\’t allow him to go his own way and explore his own life, euphemistically calling it \”for your own good\”. Baidu Encyclopedia defines servility this way. Slavery is based on the desire for survival, based on limited rational choices in reality based on personal cognition, and complete obedience. Slavery is not innate; it is the product of violent intimidation, profit temptation, and ideological confinement. Those parents who are too obsessed with their children are probably using three methods: violent intimidation, profit temptation, and ideological confinement to cultivate their children into slaves. I have seen children who were \”tamed as slaves\” by their parents. There is a handyman in my mother\’s workplace who loves to play mahjong. Because he is addicted to playing mahjong, he works half-heartedly and does not care about his children or home. My wife often goes to the mahjong parlor with her baby in her arms to \”catch\” him. Such employees would have been fired long ago if they were left in other units. But his father was an old leader of the unit. In order to take care of the leader, everyone turned a blind eye to his work attitude. Anyway, I won\’t give him an important job, just give him the minimum wage. My mother said that this young man was never like this. When he just graduated, he worked as a technician in a company in a first-tier city. There are not many people in the unit who specialize in this technology, so the department leaders attach great importance to him. He is also very diligent. Young people are all like this. The more others pay attention to them, the more willing they are to work and want to make some achievements. A year or two later, he even got a girlfriend. But in the past two years, the young man\’s parents have never stopped persuading him to go home and work. All kinds of coercion and inducement, both soft and hard. He wants to buy a house but can\’t afford the down payment. His parents refused to give him any money and told him that as long as he stayed there, he would not get a penny from them. My father also said that as soon as he returns home, he will immediately buy a house and a car. He wanted to get married, but his parents said that unless the woman was willing to go home with him, they would never accept his wife. He said that he could not find such a suitable job when he returned to the local area and had little development prospects. My father said, I will find you an iron rice bowl when you come back. There is no overtime or performance requirements, so every day is relaxing. He still hesitated. The father promised again that when he comes back, he will introduce all his connections to him. If he wanted to start a career, it would be better if his family had money and connections, than struggling alone in a strange city. My parents also brainwashed me that you are not the same person in that big city. You work hard every day and are used as a tool, and you don\’t make much money. Who can think highly of you? When you go home, how much do others think of you because of my reputation? The girlfriend didn\’t want to live in a small city, and the two couldn\’t argue. Parents resorted to their trump card – illness. Under such strong interference, the young man broke up with his girlfriend and resignedjob. Under the arrangement of my father, I entered my mother\’s workplace. But the skills the young man learned were of no use in this unit, so his father had no choice but to assign him to the logistics department. His parents felt that he had settled down when he returned to them. Then they urged him to get married and have children, and they got married on a blind date more than a year after he returned to his hometown. It is said that his father did spend a lot of money to \”do things\” for him, but the money invested was like water splash, and there was no profit. In that kind of unit and that kind of department, the young man gradually became idle and had no goals to strive for, so he started playing cards and mahjong with his colleagues. Not only fighting, but also fascinated. His father did not protect his career as he promised, because his father also retired soon. People in state-owned enterprises have stepped down from their positions and can no longer speak. Good parents raise children, bad parents keep slaves. Can you ensure that your child will live a lifetime of prosperity and wealth? If not, why not let him fight for his life and learn survival skills? Even if you can keep him prosperous and wealthy for the rest of his life, how can a child who is supported be independent? How can a person who does not even have the ability to be independent have dignity? Where does happiness come from? Have you worked hard all your life just to train a free but unhappy nanny for your retirement life? I remember Long Yingtai wrote such a passage in an essay. She said: I slowly and slowly understood that the so-called relationship between father, daughter and mother only means that your fate with him is in this life. He kept watching his back fade away. You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the corner of the path. Moreover, his back silently tells you: there is no need to chase him. The so-called father\’s love and mother\’s love means that I raised you up so that you can learn to separate and realize the meaning of your life.