Help children grow self-motivated and learn independently

Educating children does not mean simply asking them to do something, but igniting their interest in knowledge and awakening their inner drive so that they can learn and grow independently. If the internal drive is insufficient, if the child is allowed to learn, he will resist and resist, and he will be inactive, procrastinate, and lazy in doing things in life. This is a typical lack of internal drive. The most troublesome thing for parents at present is that when they ask them to study, their children will say they are annoyed, or they will learn it, or they will learn it later. If you ask me to take a long time to eat and take a bath, I will drag it for a long time without urging. Anyway, what can be done in 5-10 minutes has to be delayed for half an hour. So what is internal drive? How to awaken children\’s inner drive? What is drive? Drive is a kind of inner autonomy that is invisible and intangible. It has the internal motivation for people to learn and act independently. When internal motivation is strong, people will do something actively and happily and maintain a passionate attitude towards it. To put it simply, when a person is very interested in something, he will have strong motivation and driving force, which we call internal drive. When a child has strong internal drive and does something, he will be particularly active. Because it is something he wants and likes, he will work hard to do it well. How to Awaken Children\’s Internal Drive An important way to awaken internal drive is to first satisfy the child\’s underlying needs and regain a sense of control, especially a sense of control. When a person has a sense of control over his or her life, it is easier to stimulate children\’s internal motivation. For example, if a child wants to dress herself, we can respect her and let her dress herself; or if she wants to learn to draw, we can also respect her and let her learn to draw. The so-called sense of control actually means that in life, children can have the final say on their own affairs, rather than what their parents say, children must do what their parents ask. If parents respect their children, give them suggestions, and let them make their own choices, then they have made their own choices through their own thinking, and they will be very attentive to what they do. On the contrary, if a child is forced and asked to do something by his parents, even if he agrees on the surface, he will be particularly resistant in his heart and may even be full of pressure. Once stress occurs, children are prone to anxiety, rebellion, and depression. When children have this kind of mentality, it will be difficult to do things well. For a person, a sense of control is the antidote to stress. The source of stress is that children have lost their sense of control over their lives, and a sense of control is the antidote to stress. The so-called pressure comes from things we don’t know, dislike and fear. For us, it can be as small as feeling a little unbalanced or as big as fighting for life, it is all related to stress. If you want your children to let go of stress, let them regain a sense of control in their lives and learn to make decisions for themselves. We can let our children make their own decisions about what to eat today and how to eat it. This is why the current 2-year-old child will say I will do it myself, and the 4-year-old child will say why should I listen to you. When children face choices, parents should give them advice as soon as possible and let them make their own choices instead of making decisions for them. Just like my eldest daughter, she told me when she got up in the morning that she wanted to go to the library.At this time, I did not reject her directly, but said, honey, you have a painting class at 10 o\’clock. Do you want to go to the library and read a book, or do you want to go to a painting class to draw? If you go to the painting class, we will take time to go to the library in the afternoon. If you go to the library, you will have to wait until next week to have the painting class. After listening to my analysis, the child stood there and thought for a while, and finally said, let’s go to a painting class! Because this was the child\’s own decision, she did not resist or be unhappy, but went to pack her things neatly. After packing her things, she immediately called me, \”Mom is ready.\” As parents, our ultimate goal is to teach our children to think independently and practice it, so that they can gain the decisiveness to succeed in school, life and society. As parents, we should help our children find the things they love most and further stimulate their internal motivations, rather than forcing our children to do things they don’t want to do. For example, when eating yesterday, Dabao eats very slowly every day. He always urges her to hurry up, but the result is still slow. It takes about 10-15 minutes to finish a meal. Today during dinner, I told her that her father would go out to wipe the fork later. If you finish eating in 5 minutes, your father will take you there. If you don\’t finish eating in 5 minutes, you will be at home. By then, your father will be fine and leave. Unexpectedly, the child finished the meal in 2 minutes. I was thinking that the reason why the child ate so quickly this time was actually because going out to touch the fork stimulated the child\’s internal drive. Awakening a child\’s inner drive actually activates the child\’s motivation, which is the source of the child\’s motivation. It will allow the child to do something willingly without any pressure. We can also call this state a flow state. When children are in a flow state, they will find that time passes very quickly and their focus is focused. You\’ll also be highly focused without feeling stressed, and once you\’re in a flow state, levels of certain neurochemicals in your brain, including dopamine, surge. Just like doing math problems. If you do math problems that are difficult, you will feel very difficult and stressed, but if you do those that are particularly easy, you will find it boring. At this time, if you do something that is not too difficult, but not too easy, simply put, you can figure it out if you calm down and think about it. It feels just right to do it. At this time, the math problem is not difficult or easy, but it challenges ourselves. At this time, we can easily enter the flow state. The book \”Self-Driven Growth\” once said: Once a person enters the flow state, his thinking will be more agile, he will process information more quickly, he will be more focused and motivated, and he will feel more relaxed and passionate. As a parent, how can we help our children find their inner motivation? The answer is very simple: encourage them to work in areas that interest them. For example, children love to read, love to draw, love to play Go, love to play the piano, love to play football, and love to dance, among these hobbies. Find hobbies that interest your child and allow her to find a sense of control and accomplishment in these things. Once they find a sense of control and accomplishment, they will work very hard when learning and practicing, and they will not feel tired or stressed, nor will they need their parents to urge them. If you don\’t like itIf they are not happy, they will feel tired and stressed, and even feel that they can\’t make the decision and everything has to be controlled by others. When they find a sense of control in small things, they won\’t have as much resistance in other things. As parents, if we want our children to listen to us and do what we think is right, we must first give them space. Let them do what they think is right. Only in this way will the children put aside their prejudices and listen to us. We call them respecting their children. How can we help children gain a sense of control over their lives? How can we help them find their own inner drive and realize their full potential? Letting children regain a sense of control does not mean letting children have full control over everything, but rather respecting children. We can let children make their own decisions when it comes to dressing and eating in life. But if we know something is wrong, we can give our child suggestions, for example, when she is doing something. We can give suggestions instead of rejecting directly and saying no. Follow my requirements. If you reject directly, the child will feel disrespected and will have a rebellious mentality. But if we discuss it with our children calmly, your idea is good, but what do you think of this method? Respect does not mean to follow the child\’s will, but to make choices for the child or give advice to the child, rather than rejecting or denying the child immediately. There must be a certain degree of balance in between. The book \”Self-Driven Growth\” once said: It can guide parents to find the most appropriate \”degree\” between hoping that their children will succeed and letting things go their own way. But if it is a big matter, if the children are not willing to listen to the advice given by the parents, you can work with the children to seek advice from experienced people, or take the children out to improve the children\’s horizons. When children see more, they will no longer be limited to the small world in front of them. The level of a person\’s vision determines the level of her realm, and also determines the direction of her destiny. So next, how do we cultivate children\’s internal drive? Let children have a sense of control over their own lives. As I said before, let children regain a sense of control. A sense of control means that children have autonomy and can make their own decisions about their own affairs. For example, what time does the child do his homework, what major will he study in the future, and what school will he be admitted to? Parents have to make decisions for their children one by one, never respecting their children, but restricting their children\’s autonomy in the name of love. In this way, it is difficult for children to grow, and at the same time they will have inner resistance, and they will either become rebellious or particularly dependent on their parents. The book \”Self-Driven Growth\” once said: As adults, we are not actually trying to force our children to follow the path we have set for them, but to help them grow so that they can find a life path that truly suits them. Children must eventually find their own path and correct the direction of this path on their own in the rest of their lives. Just like some children learning to drive, they are particularly excited when driving on the road because they regain a sense of control, that is, autonomy. But when waiting for traffic lights, they will appear anxious because they feel that they have lost control. Simply put, they feel a sense of powerlessness inside. If you want your children to grow in a real sense and awaken their inner drive, you must first respect your children and allow them toMake your own choices. But allowing children to make their own choices does not mean that parents can leave their children alone, but that they should give reasonable suggestions. When you think something your child is doing is wrong or unreasonable, you must intervene in time and help your child regain motivation. Giving children a sense of achievement is also the best way to awaken children\’s inner drive. For example, the child did something very well today. Encouragement and affirmation should be given in a timely manner so that the child can gain a sense of accomplishment from this matter. She will think that she is capable of doing things well, and she will be more confident and confident when doing other things next time. Let children find the goal of their efforts. To put it simply, when children do things, they must have a goal to strive for. Especially when a child deviates from the right path, it is even more important to find a goal for the child, for example, if the child likes a certain celebrity. Even chasing it crazily must bring the child back from fantasy to reality. I remember that when I was at work, I had a customer sister. At that time, their daughter loved chasing Hunan Satellite TV’s Fast Guy. Because she was fascinated, she always bought tickets to watch it. At that time, my sister was very distressed. She would make trouble if the child was not allowed to go. She had no choice but to be satisfied. However, because of the pursuit, her grades plummeted. At this time, a friend gave her an idea and asked her to show her children information about the fast men she was chasing, and even let her children talk to them at close range. After the children understood and were satisfied, they found that these fast boys studied very well and got a lot. For this reason, they started to study hard after returning home. Instead of continuing to chase blindly, he demands that he be as good as his idol, instead of just being beautiful and lacking in wisdom. Time management methods and techniques: Don’t yell, don’t scream, and solve the problem of procrastination and dilly-dallying. As parents, we must ignite the spark in our children’s hearts as they grow, help them regain their interest and motivation, and let them be independent. Learn to grow.