How can parents cultivate their children\’s independence?

Children\’s success is inseparable from the cultivation of independence. A person\’s independence not only requires the ability to live independently, but also requires independent thinking. This manifests in children taking the initiative to think, actively facing and solving practical problems in life. Rome was not built in a day, and children\’s independence will not suddenly improve as they grow older. It requires step-by-step guidance from parents. In today\’s article, we will discuss how to cultivate children\’s independence from three aspects: life, psychology, and learning. Let children manage their skills independently and arrange their time reasonably. All three volumes in PDF are available to cultivate independence in life. Please always say: \”Come and try it.\” I think of a friend born in the 1980s who said: \”When we were children, we couldn\’t look at it with peace of mind. While their parents are busy, they sit there without moving.\” But nowadays, we can always see children who watch their parents busy, but still sit on the sofa and watch TV. The adults mop the floor. You can do it without even lifting your feet. There are not many children like this. Not long ago, a parent talked about his son’s boarding problem. The children have been boarding in the county school since the first year of high school. They are a very small county, and the children\’s ability to take care of themselves is much better than that of children in big cities. Only my son performed mediocrely in this aspect. In a dormitory of six people, he was the only one who couldn\’t wash clothes, make a bed, or tuck in a quilt cover. So his mother would go to school every week, bring home his dirty clothes that had accumulated for a week, and then clean his bed. When talking about this matter, the mother never expressed concern about the child\’s ability to live, and rationalized everything with a simple \”He can\’t\”. As adults, it is too easy for us to \”underestimate\” our children. In our eyes, children are always fragile and in need of help. Even if some children reach the age of eighteen, we still treat them as children. We rarely give our children too many opportunities to learn how to live their lives. Is it because the child can’t do it? It\’s the adults who don\’t feel comfortable letting their children do it. The adults\’ uneasiness makes the child afraid to try. As time goes by, he also labels himself \”I don\’t know how.\” Therefore, if we want our children to live an independent life, we parents need to often say to our children: \”Try it!\” If you cannot sweep the floor clean, you will become proficient if you sweep it a few times; if you are slow to wash dishes, you will become more efficient if you try a few more times; no If you know how to wash clothes, you can learn from your mother a few times… In the beginning, children always fail to do well, but growth is about constant trial and error, and they have to learn from the consequences of not doing well. A child\’s ability to live depends entirely on parents\’ foresight to let go at an early age. Many parents often ask: \”When is the best time to cultivate children\’s independence in life?\” There is no standard answer to this question, but one thing is certain: as long as the child is willing to try, we must support it. To cultivate psychological independence, please always say: \”You can decide/choose this matter yourself.\” One of the characteristics of children who are not independent is that they have no independent opinion. Taiwanese education scholar Li Chongjian once mentioned in a TED speech that as teachers, when children need to \”make a choice,\” they most often say the following two sentences: \”I don\’t know what I want?\” or \”I don\’t know what I should choose.\” ?” He also mentioned this story:A mother asked her daughter what she wanted to eat for lunch, and her daughter subconsciously replied: \”I don\’t know, whatever.\” The mother said: \”Don\’t know, I will take you to eat if you tell me. Anything is fine.\” When the daughter heard this, She got excited: \”Is anything really okay?\” Mom said: \”Everything is fine.\” My daughter said: \”I want to eat salted crispy chicken.\” Mom shook her head: \”Mom has told you many times, salted crispy chicken It\’s very greasy and unhealthy. Please change it.\” The daughter thought for a while and said, \”Then I want to eat pudding.\” The mother got angry: \”Eat pudding for lunch? Didn\’t I tell you that you have to have dinner at noon!\” From this little story, We can find that parents consciously let their children make choices, but subconsciously deny his decisions. The reason why a child has no opinion is because adults keep denying him. We deny our children’s feelings and thoughts, and criticize their thinking and choices. Gradually, our children lose confidence in their own choices and decisions, and become undecided about many things. Zhou Guoping said: \”If you want your child to become an independent person in the future, you must encourage her now not to blindly follow her parents.\” To cultivate children\’s psychological independence, children should be allowed to experience the feeling of their own choices and decisions in life from an early age. When he puts forward an idea, our feedback should not always be negative and negative, but give him more positive responses. If the child is too young, we can give the child limited choices, choose one of two or more, so that the child has a sense of control over his own life. Don\’t be afraid that your children\’s choices are wrong or imperfect. The cost of life\’s detours will be minimal if you take more detours in childhood. Often saying to children: \”You can decide/choose this matter by yourself\” is a kind of trust. A German mother’s experience in teaching integrity and self-discipline: Teach good children who are strong + independent + tolerant + thrifty. With the trust of their parents, the children will also believe their own feelings and slowly form their own judgment and understanding of things. To cultivate independence in learning, please always say: \”I see your efforts/progress.\” Children procrastinate, dawdle in learning, and rely too much on their parents\’ supervision. This is a common headache for parents nowadays. In fact, if children do not take the initiative to learn, it is not entirely because they love procrastination, but because their confidence in learning has been destroyed. I have seen some parents criticize, accuse and be impatient when tutoring their children with homework: \”How do you write this word?\”, \”I have told you hundreds of times and you still get it wrong\”, \”Your answers are written outside the horizontal lines. Went…\” When studying, when a child faces too much guidance and negative energy, it will be difficult for him to view homework positively. In the end, the children not only lose interest in learning, but also lose their sense of responsibility and rely too much on their parents\’ urging over and over again. On the child\’s learning path, we should not only see the child\’s helplessness from the homework book and provide specific help, but also see the child\’s progress bit by bit, give him encouragement, and let the child regain his confidence in learning. Among them, the most important thing for parents is to learn \”tolerance\”, to be able to bear not blaming their children, to be able to bear to tell their children the answer immediately, and to be able to bear the heart of being all-inclusive. Confidence is the beginning of a child\’s independence and initiative. When he has a sense of competence in something, he will not always want to escape. Famous Russian educator MaKalenko said: Do you know the importance of a person\’s independence? 21 tricks to help your child learn to be independent. \”Calm, serious, and realistic guidance is the external expression of family education, and should not be bossy, angry, shouting, begging, or pleading.\” Pay timely attention to your child\’s small progress. Encouragement can cultivate children\’s growth mindset and understand the true meaning of hard work for learning. I believe that parents who can have a peaceful mind and have confidence in their children can better help their children to face various problems in learning independently.