How to cultivate children’s self-confidence and independence

Recently, a mother left a message in the background. She said that her child has entered the kindergarten class at the age of 6 this year, and she gives up whenever she encounters something slightly difficult. They also lack independent opinions on weekdays. They have to ask their parents about everything: \”Mom, what clothes should I wear today?\” \”Which shoes should I wear?\” \”Which color should I paint?\” Children are used to asking others about everything they do. Opinions, no opinions of one\’s own. This is not only true at home, but also when playing outside. He always likes to follow other children and do whatever others do. Some people say that children who are promising in the future will be more independent and independent from an early age, while children who have no independent opinions will have a narrower path in life. In fact, whether a child has independent opinions is not determined by nature, but by education. Parents’ family education is very important. Your words are the root cause of children\’s lack of opinion. Being assertive is not only an attitude towards life, but also a kind of survival ability. Unfortunately, it is the parents who destroy this ability in their children. Think about it, what is the most common thing we say to our children? \”No, no, no, no,\” we often deny our children\’s words. How many times have we said this? If a child has bad habits or dangerous behaviors, it is okay for parents to communicate with their children in simple and clear words, but try to say as little as possible. After the child is 2 years old, he will go through an important sensitive period, which is the \”self-awareness sensitive period.\” Essentials for family education: How to encourage children\’s progress and self-confidence, all 70 episodes. At this time, the child\’s self-awareness begins to sprout, and he will often say \”no\” to show his parents the attitude of \”I want to make my own decisions.\” . If parents stop or criticize children when they make decisions, the children will feel incompetent and doubt themselves. Over time, children will be afraid to make decisions, afraid of their parents\’ blame, afraid of bearing the consequences, and even more afraid that their parents will no longer love them. Gradually, children dare not speak out their inner thoughts and cannot respect their own feelings. They are repressed, obedient, and ingratiating. When they grow up, they lack independent judgment, have no independent opinions, and follow what others say. When raising children, don’t raise “excellent sheep” who have no opinions. In one episode of a popular variety show called “Listen Up, Friends,” Yi Yang Qianxi read a letter. The letter was written by a 25-year-old graduate student: \”I am already 25 years old, but I feel that I am not an adult yet because my mother is too strict and I don\’t have the feeling of independence.\” \”I am now in graduate school. , and was asked to go home before 11 o\’clock every day.\” \”I have never bought clothes by myself in my whole life. My mother bought them for me.\” When I saw the content of the letter, I was not only surprised but also shocked. A child who has been arranged and controlled since childhood is the most pitiable. Even when he grows up and is \”arranged\” to succeed, he is still an \”excellent sheep\” who has no independent opinion and is at the mercy of others. When raising a child, don\’t raise him to be an \”excellent sheep\” who has no independent opinions. Four methods to raise independent children. If you want your children to be independent in the future, the following four methods are worth learning from. 1. Give children the right to choose. An independent child is actually a child who can think independently and make choices. This ability cannot be developed overnightRather, parents need to give their children more choices in life, and then provide guidance and education. In terms of free choice of education, Montessori education has been very successful. Children in Montessori kindergartens have the freedom to choose their jobs, where they work, and how long they work. In this prepared environment, children can freely participate in the environment and gain independent development in the process of game interaction. For young children, first of all, they are very willing to accept this kind of environment, and can gain active development from it through interaction with the environment. Secondly, the environment is permeated with education, and children can accumulate and master certain experiences or skills through choices and hands-on operations. The orderly environment itself is permeated with a kind of rules. This kind of rules does not need to be prompted by the teacher, but allows children to consciously understand and abide by it, thus becoming a kind of internal demand, which will benefit children throughout their lives. 2. Respect children\’s \”independence\”. If you are careful enough, you will find that children like to say \”I will do it myself\” from the age of 2 to 1.5 years old. The child is showing adults, \”I can solve it myself.\” this problem\”. Dr. Montessori believes that children can grow and better develop their minds by \”working\”. Education should create a \”children\’s world\” that is child-centered and allows them to \”be themselves\” independently. You know, \”Please help me complete it independently\” is the inherent requirement of every child\’s nature. As adults, what we need to do is to help children let them do and think by themselves, and help them understand themselves and others correctly. When you find that your child is a bit \”independent\” and likes to do everything by himself, boldly let go and let your child try and explore. In addition to \”letting go\”, there should also be \”minimum guidance, maximum patience and maximum encouragement\”! Only when you let your children do what they do will they make progress. This is growth. As Dr. Montessori said, \”Never help a child do something he thinks he can handle.\” 3. Allow children to make mistakes. Sometimes, children have no independent opinions and lack autonomy. The main reason is that parents are too \” capable\”. Everything is planned for the child, from what clothes to wear and what snacks to eat, to enrolling in tutoring classes and interest classes, everything is completely under the control of the parents. Many parents are afraid that their children will make wrong choices, so they take some detours and make plans for their children. Their intentions are good. But after all, the road must be walked by the children themselves. Parents should take the initiative to give their children the right to choose and tell them to be responsible for their own choices. As long as there are no principled errors in the general direction chosen by the child, parents should let go and let the child try and make mistakes on their own. Among all early childhood education systems, only Montessori education has a trial-and-error education, which is mainly reflected in the error control of teaching aids. The error control feature of Montessori teaching aids does not focus on allowing children to correct their mistakes, but rather allows children to constantly try and make mistakes among many choices. Thus, I discovered that every step I performed would produce a different result, thereby achieving the purpose of self-education. 4. Don’t deny your children’s feelings. Parents respect their children’s feelings, and only then will their childrenBe able to trust your own judgment, stick to your own choices, and become an independent person. Therefore, parents must control their own mouths on weekdays, and do not always deny or belittle their children under the banner of \”for your own good\”. Not paying attention to the child\’s feelings, or even directly denying the child\’s feelings, is a taboo in parent-child communication. In the previous popular TV series \”In the Name of Family\”, Qi Mingyue in the center left a deep impression on me; every time I see her being rejected by her mother, it makes me feel extremely distressed. When she chose a dress she liked, her mother ridiculed her for having no vision. When she changed it to another color, her mother said she had no opinion. After working as a reporter, her mother despised her lack of organization as soon as she called home. Unstable; I saved up money to buy my first car and happily took my mother for a ride. Unexpectedly, my mother thought her car was too cheap and embarrassing. Over time, the proud and determined Mingyue disappeared; replaced by a timid girl who felt that she could not do anything well, just as her mother said. Children who have been denied by their parents will eventually become what their parents say they are. Psychologist William James once said: \”The deepest need of human nature is the desire to be appreciated and praised by others.\” Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: \”The meaning of a life lies in choice, and only by constantly serving oneself Only one who has made choices in his life has lived. On the contrary, if his life is always chosen by others, then this person can be said to have lived in vain.\” The most advanced way for a person to live is to not be dependent on everything and have an independent opinion. . Your education style determines what kind of child you will have.