How to cultivate good habits in children?

American psychologist William James said: \”Sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.\” That is to say: habit Affect a person\’s destiny. [Developing Good Habits and Parenting Guide] Givenchy Baby Bear Picture Book, 15 volumes, PPS download. Each of us recognizes this concept very much, so we work hard to cultivate various habits of our children in our lives, especially study habits and living habits. Because the premise of forming a habit is action, we control children from their behavior, hoping to develop a good habit by shaping their behavior. In fact, there is nothing wrong with this direction. But why do we have such conflicts with our children in the process of cultivating good habits, and even hurt them? In fact, our method is wrong. Some time ago, I wrote an article about habits: \”How Long Does It Take to Develop a Habit\”, which mainly talked about the understanding of habits. Today I have new thoughts on cultivating good habits, mainly from the perspective of how to cultivate them. In the process of communicating with many parents, I discovered a common phenomenon: when we see that children cannot arrange their own time reasonably, we will ask or help the children to make a timetable, hoping that the children will follow the timetable. Arrange your own study and life according to your schedule. When formulating this list, many parents actually solicited their children\’s opinions, and their children agreed. However, when it was implemented, it was difficult to implement it. At this time, what was originally a hope for children to be autonomous has turned into reminders and requirements, and even into a mode of supervision and control. Our original intention is to cultivate good habits in our children, but in the end we focus on this \”schedule\” or \”plan\”. In the end, if we really can\’t implement it, we will think that the children have poor self-discipline and poor willpower. , poor concentration, the child will also feel extremely frustrated and feel that he is a person who cannot discipline himself. Every child has his or her own innate qualities, but they are not born with self-discipline and habits. Self-discipline and habits are not a problem of the child itself, but need to be cultivated. Our training is to make children feel that they can achieve, rather than letting children deny themselves. When it cannot be executed, we have to consider whether our method is appropriate? Or look for better ways to raise children instead of denying them. This is the most basic principle for us to cultivate habits. Executing a plan requires willpower, and our willpower is not born with it, but also needs to be cultivated. If you exert yourself for a long time and cannot replenish it well, your willpower will soon be exhausted, so it will be difficult to implement the plan. This is an inevitable result. From the perspective of brain science, our brains like simple and clear instructions. If we need to consume too much every day, our brains will also want to be lazy. This is another reason why the implementation cannot be carried out, and it is not the child\’s fault. When we understand the characteristics of willpower and the brain, we can modify the way we develop good habits in accordance with their characteristics. That is, the plan can be made simple and easy to execute, so that there is no burden on the brain and there will not be too muchIt consumes willpower, and when you get results, it can increase your willpower. This is a mini habit. I wonder if you have read the book \”Small Habits\”? The main thing is that we set the goal very low, and we can complete it with a little effort. When completed, our confidence will be increased. After completion, without any psychological burden, we will be very willing to overcomplete some tasks. By practicing micro habits one by one, you can develop good habits one by one without consuming willpower. It can also make the habit as natural as washing hands and brushing teeth, so that micro habits accumulate into good habits that will benefit you for a lifetime. Others say that the certificate I took is difficult to pass, and I have also heard that many people have not taken the test for many years. So for me, an ordinary person who has never gone to high school or college, I am not smart or have a strong willpower. How did you pass the exam? In fact, I relied on the self-confidence accumulated through mini habits, but at that time I didn’t know that they were called “mini habits.” At first I wanted to take the assistant accountant exam, but I always felt that the junior certificate was of little use, so I didn’t review it carefully. That year happened to catch up with SARS, the exam was postponed, and I had nothing else to do, so I took out the book and reviewed for more than 10 days. As a result, I passed both subjects with high scores, which greatly enhanced my self-confidence. When I took the CPA exam, I was very willing to work hard, and the exam went very smoothly. Only then did I have the confidence to challenge the CPA exam, and finally passed the exam. Because my starting point was low, I felt determined at the beginning that I could do it. For many people who have taken the exam for many years and failed, in fact, the more they take the exam, the less confident they will be because they have experienced setbacks again and again. I don’t know if you feel it? We all think that habits start with self-discipline. Without self-discipline, there are no habits. In fact, you don’t need a high degree of self-discipline to develop good habits. The cultivation of habits does not rely on self-discipline, but simple and executable mini habits. Let’s take my son’s diary writing as an example. Writing a diary is completely voluntary for him. There is no set requirement for how much he writes, as long as he can write every day. He said that sometimes his diary only has one sentence, and sometimes it can cover several pages. In fact, it doesn’t matter how much he writes. What matters is that he can continue to write. Just like the author of \”Small Habits\”, the exercise goal he sets for himself is one push-up. Even if he forgets one day and is already lying in bed, he will turn over and do another push-up and it will be considered complete. The simpler, the better. Simplicity is the basis for supporting complexity. Then when we understand the power of mini habits, we will have a direction when helping children develop good habits. Children have a long life, and good habits do not require rushing for success, but enjoying every beautiful moment with the child.