My best friend called me and said, crying, that after her child entered junior high school, she suddenly felt that her son was strange and scary. After school every night, my son would hide in his room and play with his mobile phone. The homework on the table was completely blank. He couldn\’t help but remind him several times, but his son became extremely annoyed. Sometimes he even yelled, \”Leave me alone!\” He couldn\’t be hit or scolded. No, I can’t even say it now. My best friend cried in despair and helplessness, \”Why on earth is this?\” Because she missed the best time for psychological construction. There are stages in children\’s psychological development. When problems arise, the best opportunity for correction has already been lost. Professor Li Meijin said that the period before the age of twelve is a critical period for a child\’s growth. Only by grasping the child\’s growth characteristics and providing psychological care will the management become easier and the child\’s path will become smoother. Parents must control the following three stages of development in a timely manner. Before the age of 3, relationship is the foundation of education. There is a saying: No matter how hard it is, you must keep your children by your side. Because the lack of early emotion will create a lifelong gap between parents and children, it will also become the most difficult problem to resolve in discipline. Professor Li Meijin has emphasized many times that before children are 3 years old, parents must personally raise them and give them positive attention and response. When children are born, they are fragile and lonely. They cannot move or speak. The caregiver\’s response constitutes his belief in the world. Someone will comfort you when you cry, hold you when you feel uncomfortable, and be satisfied immediately when you are hungry. Such a stable and positive relationship will give your child the deepest sense of satisfaction and security. This close emotional relationship is called \”attachment\” in developmental psychology. Many times, we have the misunderstanding that as parents, we have the inherent power to discipline our children. But when the children grow up and they turn a deaf ear to all the advice, a fact will be revealed: identity has never been the key to discipline. The child\’s emotional attachment to his parents, this psychological attraction, is what makes him willing to obey the teachings. source. In other words: attachment is the foundation of education. If parents miss the stage of establishing attachment and do not enter into a close relationship with their children, then parenting will become the most difficult thing in the world. In the online drama \”Rebirth\”, Lou Yi, played by teacher Song Chunli, was once the chief doctor and supported a charity school after retirement. Lou Yi has strong professional ability and is kind and loving, but she has great love, but she is not a competent mother. She devoted all her time and energy to her work and neglected her children. She forgot her child in the kindergarten countless times; she couldn\’t remember the day of her child\’s birthday; when her child behaved abnormally, she only scolded and blamed her; it wasn\’t until her son Fan Kai disappeared that she suddenly discovered during the search process that his son had already slipped into the kindergarten. into the abyss of sin. Canadian psychologist Gordon Neufeld said: Behind behavioral problems are almost always relationship problems. Hidden behind children\’s escape, rebellion, and disobedience to discipline is the absence of attachment to their parents. As parents, only by connecting the psychological umbilical cord between parents and children when their children need it can they have the power to guide their children as they grow. Before the age of 6, personality determines the final success or failure. Professor Li Meijin was a guest on \”Round Table School\” and said a sharp saying: \”Before the age of six, the nagging of parentsWords and words are gold. After the age of twelve, what your parents say is garbage. \”Children\’s problems are lagging, and they miss the critical period of development. When the problem is discovered, it may take 1 ton of effort to correct the habits that originally only took 1 kilogram of effort to cultivate. 3 to 6 years old is the golden time for child character development. At this time, helping children establish good qualities and habits will benefit them throughout their lives. Not long ago, Huawei announced candidates for talented young people. The rigorous selection process and enviable rewards have promoted these \”geniuses\” Go to the top and accept the scrutiny of the public. It can be traced carefully that they are not talented, but more step by step, and finally slowly reach the top. Zhang Ji, who received the highest annual salary of 2.01 million, received his undergraduate degree from a third college School. Surprisingly, this was his score after repeating the exam. The \”genius girl\” Yao Ting, who was also selected, only scored 4A2B in the high school entrance examination, and did not even open the door of a key high school. They are obviously not the smartest. , may not be the hardest working, but their excellent qualities are extremely eye-catching. Throughout their experiences, without exception, they all followed independence, planning, concentration, self-discipline, etc. These qualities supported them to break through themselves and win unlimited possibilities in the future. .Excellent qualities and habits are not innate, their causes are in the family, and their roots are in the parents. As educators of children, parents should intentionally establish behavioral norms for their children in their upbringing. For example, being able to say \”no\” to their children , teach children to understand and abide by rules; for example, guide children to share and take responsibility, so that children understand gratitude and responsibility; for example, accept children\’s frustrations, guide them patiently, and polish children\’s resilience; how many words did children recognize before the age of six? , it really doesn’t matter how many questions you can answer, how many poems you can memorize, these weak advantages will soon disappear. Only quality and habits will have the power to last through time, affecting children’s behavior year after year. , determines the final success or failure. Before the age of 12, value affects the positioning of children. There was a joke on the Internet: the score of a child\’s test determines the degree of harmony in the family. As an old mother, I feel the same way. The child\’s academic performance is like hanging A sharp weapon that stimulates from time to time and stabs the liver. But expectations are expectations. There is one fact that we will eventually face: children have different natures and abilities. Some children are born with the attribute of \”student master\”, while some children are born with \”student master\” attributes. But the scenery is elsewhere. Therefore, even if you put in the same efforts, sometimes you cannot achieve the same performance. Professor Li Meijin once suggested that parents should identify their children’s personalities and help them discover their own abilities. This sense of value will form the children’s Positioning of oneself. Unfortunately, many parents cannot see the bright spots of their children and pass their anxiety to their children, making them unable to breathe under the pressure. I watched a program where the little girl likes to write novels. With this love, She has written 56 books since elementary school, with a total of more than 300,000 words. Thanks to writing novels, the girl has good grades in liberal arts, but is relatively weak in science. In order to spur her daughter to keep pace, her father tore up the novel in anger and persisted The father firmly believed that novels were the main culprit that delayed his daughter’s math performance. The most heartbreaking thing is that this father choked in front ofThe choking daughter said: \”If others can do it, you can do it too. Dad believes in you!\” Many parents adhere to this concept, and in the comparison and competition, they force their children to find it difficult to cope with themselves. The most frightening thing is that in the continuous denial, the child will ingrain the idea of \”can\’t do it\” deeply in his heart and form a native inferiority complex. In fact, why force your child to enter a track that does not belong to him? Only by affirming the children\’s strengths and giving them more positive attention can they feel their value and usher in their own backlighting moments. We all know that the water capacity of a bucket depends on the short board of the barrel. Therefore, we always want to spend more efforts to make up for the deficiencies and shortcomings, even if what we get is just a mediocre template. However, if we tilt the barrel, how much water the barrel can hold will be determined by the length of its long board. This is the new barrel theory. Instead of focusing on children\’s shortcomings and struggling with shortcomings, it is better to encourage children to develop their strengths and find their dreams and interests. Whenever, such a child can do what he likes, he must be lucky. There is no doubt that our hearts are hurt when we watch the little person who was once a toddler suddenly become a child covered in thorns and problems. But putting aside all the techniques and means, we will find that every child\’s behavior comes from the projection of the parents\’ upbringing. What you sow, you reap. The initial companionship and response in life are the starting point of all education; guidance and correction in childhood are the foundation of behavioral habits; affirmation and support in youth are the prototype of life value. Parenting is hard and exhausting. But only in this way can children have indestructible strength in the face of wind, rain and temptation.