How to give children a truly good family of origin?

One netizen’s answer is really enviable: “Since I was a child, I have been inexplicably very optimistic and will naturally think about the bright side when things happen; I don’t go to extremes and have a very relaxed mentality; I think I am very lucky and very satisfied with my current life; Also, believe in love and yearn for beautiful things…\” After reading her experience, I couldn\’t help but raise the corners of my mouth, as if I saw a radiant girl walking slowly in colorful clothes, her whole body filled with the light of happiness. I remember that the American psychotherapist Ronald Charleson wrote in the book \”Beyond the Family of Origin\”: \”Everyone\’s self-perception, way of treating others, and world view are shaped by the family of origin, and the characteristics learned in it are Various concepts will accompany people throughout their lives.\” The family of origin is like a pair of magical and powerful hands, shaping each child\’s initial appearance and leaving an indelible imprint for a lifetime. A happy native family will heal the child\’s soul and bring psychological capital that will nourish him for a lifetime; on the contrary, a bad native family will become a dark memory for the child\’s life. The bounden duty of parents is to turn the family into a warm nest and send love and strength to their children. The following three small things are all standard features of a happy family. Although they may seem insignificant, they have a significant impact. Parents respond positively to children\’s needs. A few days ago, a 6-year-old boy in Yichang, Hubei Province suddenly made a request to his parents \”willfully\”. 15 high-scoring baby education books recommended, which can be called life textbooks. The hundreds of silkworm babies he raised ran out of food, and there were not many mulberry leaves left around the house. So he wanted to find some mulberry trees in the suburbs and pick some leaves to feed home. Silkworm baby. For this somewhat \”unreasonable\” request, the parents did not refuse, but readily agreed and drove to the suburbs to satisfy their son\’s childlike innocence and whims. On this dark rainy night, a family of three held umbrellas, listened to the trickling of rain, picked mulberry leaves, talked and laughed. This happy scene will surely become a fond memory of the boy\’s childhood. This little thing will make him firmly believe that I am important and my parents care about my feelings. In fact, when parents are willing to understand their children\’s inner world through their children\’s eyes, they will understand their psychological needs. This moment is an opportunity for the parent-child relationship to become closer and the children\’s sense of security and belonging to gradually increase. Sometimes, parents feel too good about themselves and habitually ignore their children\’s feelings, pushing their children into the abyss of helplessness and lack of love. Just like the childhood of Weird Queen Fu Seoul, which left many painful memories for her at a young age. During the period after her parents divorced, she could only stay with her grandmother. Because she missed her mother\’s arms too much, she drank dish soap, hoping to exchange her sick self for some maternal love. These \”gloomy\” childhood experiences created her competitive character and made her heart fragile and sensitive. Whenever she talks about her family of origin, she can\’t help but burst into tears. Those children who suffer from parental emotional neglect and receive no emotional response are wandering at home, like \”spiritual outcasts.\” A good native family must establish a close emotional link between parents and children. Parents can care for and respond to their children\’s inner needs and see their feelings. Only byOnly when parents hold their children\’s hearts can children feel love steadily. When a child suffers setbacks and parents provide encouragement, the child\’s growth will inevitably go through many ups and downs and setbacks. At this time, the attitude of the parents determines the temperature of the family. I have a friend who has been excellent in both conduct and study since elementary school, but his grades have always been bad. Before the college entrance examination, with his strength, he would definitely be admitted to a double first-class university. However, he performed abnormally during the critical period of the college entrance examination and only passed the second grade score line. After hearing this result, my father complained dejectedly: \”It\’s so embarrassing for me! How can I have the nerve to get such a score!\” Then, there was a long lament, leaving a cold figure on his back. The friend had no choice but to lock himself in the bedroom and accept the double blow from frustrated grades and curses from his parents. In the end, instead of repeating the exam and retaking the exam, he deliberately applied for an undergraduate college in another place far away from his parents. He rarely contacted his parents and was unwilling to go home for a long time. When he needed support and backing the most, his parents kept complaining and turned it into a weapon to hurt him. This kind of injury made him feel chilled and even filled with deep despair. We always think that belittling, denying, and attacking children is a kind of encouragement and encouragement, which will urge children to develop in a good direction, but the fact is exactly the opposite. The \”Rosenthal Effect\” tells us: Suggestions from authority figures will cause children to form the same self-perception and develop in the direction of the \”suggestion\”. The more you scold, the stupider the child becomes; the more fierce you are, the more cowardly the child becomes. Such a family is destined to be unable to provide positive nutrients to its children, but is like an iceberg, forcing the children to escape. Parents who are willing to be close to their children must be able to provide love and support and armor them instead of attacking and denigrating them. Just like Huanhuan\’s mother Nan Li in the TV series \”Little Shede\”, when her daughter failed the math test, she was afraid of damaging her daughter\’s self-confidence, so she always comforted her and encouraged her; when Huanhuan failed to run for class president and was dejected, She smiled and gave her daughter a hug, patiently comforted her, compared her feelings with hers, and told her embarrassing things when she was in school. Warm words like the spring breeze convey a sense of security and confidence, and also restore children\’s frustrated self-confidence. In fact, the better parents can control their emotions and guide their children with words of encouragement and respect, the more they can help their children regain their confidence and courage and become better and better. Children who come from encouraging families not only have healthier personalities and more positive attitudes, but also have more cheerful and sunny personalities, full of positive energy. Parents love each other and build a warm home. There are several pieces of news that make me heartbroken after reading them. After a young couple quarreled on the highway, they threw their three-year-old daughter into the emergency lane and left. The child was so frightened that she cried. A mother drove wildly, caught up with her husband\’s car and hit it hard, completely ignoring it. The daughter\’s cry in the car: \”Mom, don\’t be like this, drive slower…\” When a couple quarrels, the children will be hurt the most. When they see the two closest people around them tearing apart, their inner security will seriously collapse. Falling into endless fear. What\’s more, in order to seek a sense of security, they will constantly lower their posture and compromise to please their parents and everyone around them. Psychologist Susan Forward said: \”In the minds of young children, parentsIt is the center of the whole world. \”The way parents get along is the color of the world in their children\’s eyes. Parents who love each other are the warmest home in the eyes of their children. Liu Genghong and his wife Wang Wanfei, who have recently hit the screen, are not only popular in the fitness industry, but also in the world of being parents. There is no ambiguity about this matter. Wang Wanfei said, since having a child, Geng Hong has been trying his best to be nice to me. They must work together to build the best home for the child. He gradually lost the impatience in his character. , learned to grow up and manage emotions; he was unwilling to go out to film, and was afraid of leaving his wife for too long; he paid more and more attention to his wife and family, spending a lot of time with his family, and they watched movies and played sports together. This is what he sees The pinnacle of life. And she has a cheerful personality, tolerance and magnanimity; she is \”skilled at taming husbands\” and slowly transforms a hot-tempered man into a husband with high emotional intelligence; his and her growth together makes the family become more and more mature. The more solid and firm they are, the more loving and full of laughter they become. Bathed in a family where their parents love each other, the children see a rainbow of happiness, and what is planted in their hearts is the expectation of good things. The eldest son Yu En, the second My daughter, Little Puff, and my youngest daughter, Shanshan, see their smiling faces, and I know how practical and happy they are. For parents, they need to run a good family with care, be more tolerant and give love. Giving your lover less harshness and emotionality will not only bring more psychological nourishment to the child, but also create the most loving family style, which will have a long-term impact on the child\’s life. Goethe said: \”There are two things that children should learn from their parents. What is obtained – roots and wings. \”The best native family never relies on the accumulation of fine clothes and money and wealth, but it must have the integration of love, so that the children can feel the solid roots and the support of wings at home: with full understanding and attention and response, give him a sense of value and happiness; give him a sense of security and belonging with unconditional support, encouragement and love; a loving home created by parents\’ joint efforts is the happiest home in the world. Recommended parenting books: Accompanying children\’s lifelong growth Baidu Netdisk PDF download At this moment, our children have a valuable asset. They will greet the future life with goodwill and a full sense of security.