How to guide children with low self-esteem and lack of confidence

Psychologist Adler once said: \”Fortunate people are healed by childhood throughout their lives, and unfortunate people are healed by childhood throughout their lives.\” When one day, you find that the once lively and cheerful child suddenly becomes quiet and too talkative. When he is sensible, overly pleases, and never laughs again… don\’t blame him. The cause of all this lies with his parents. Miaomiao is a little girl from next door. She is 2 years older than my Guoguo. She is in the third grade this year. I met her in the elevator some time ago and greeted her. She said \”hmm\” lightly and lowered her head until she stepped out of the elevator. Later, every time I met her in the elevator, she would hide timidly in a corner of the elevator without saying hello or smiling. I couldn\’t help but feel shocked. Why did the lively and cheerful little girl in the past change so much? Whether a child has low self-esteem or self-confidence all depends on the way the family educates him or her. [Completed] Lesson on how children can improve their eloquence and expression skills. Parents should keep their mouth shut and encourage their children more, in order to cultivate optimistic and confident children. A child\’s inferiority complex originates from the comparison between parents. Children with low self-esteem often have the thought: \”I am not as good as others.\” 99% of a person\’s inferiority complex and timidity are formed through long-term blows and comparisons. This comparison may come from yourself or from those around you. The reason why we have a comparative mentality mainly comes from the stimulation of parents by \”other people\’s children\”. When you get used to this comparison pattern, even if you grow up and move away from your original living environment, you will still continue to use it involuntarily if you are no longer forced to compare. Therefore, no matter how good you are, there will always be people who do better than you in some aspects; you will always have a feeling of \”not as good as\”, which will trigger the feeling of powerlessness and inferiority deep in your heart. Psychologist Adler said: \”In fact, each of us has varying degrees of inferiority complex. This inferiority complex is because we all want to make ourselves better and live a better life.\” But excessive inferiority complex, What it brings is endless pain. Today\’s children have been under tremendous competitive pressure since kindergarten. Not only are they being compared on their studies and talents, but they are also being compared on their living environment and material conditions, and even their parents themselves have been included in the competition. When you see top students in the same class, they are not only talented but also very hard-working; many parents cannot hide their feelings towards their children. Over time, children from other families will be used to stimulate their own children, which intensifies the child\’s inner feeling of \”not being as good as others.\” On Zhihu, there is a question: How easy is it to destroy a child? One of the highly praised answers is that children should constantly compare themselves with other people’s children, so that children always live in the shadow of comparison. In fact, every child has his own unique shining points and strengths. This kind of education method that praises others and belittles oneself is extremely harmful to children. Not only will it arouse the child\’s resentment, but it will also make the child feel that \”no matter how hard he works, he is not as good as others\”, which will cause the child to develop an inferiority complex from the bottom of his heart. Parents’ attacks and denials are taking away all the self-confidence of their children. Many people born in the 1980s have received the education they have received since childhood.Education is repressive education. There was once a survey in which 90% of the respondents said they had been verbally assaulted by their parents, and this survey became a hot search topic. Parents obviously want the best for their children and love their children more than anyone else, but why do they always use attacks and denials to cause harm to their children again and again? Fighting is not education, but harm. Although the starting point of providing \”negative\” education to children from an early age is good, the consequences are like a dagger, piercing deeply into the heart of the child. Under the banner of \”for your own good\”, parents deny and belittle their children in various ways, making them feel bad about themselves; this is not a percussive education, it is just a blow, and it will cause endless harm to the children. Parents\’ blow and denial will make the child feel that he must be too bad, which deeply affects the child\’s confidence in life. How do you make a child who has never been encouraged feel confident? In the process of educating children, one mistake that parents often make is to focus too much on their children\’s shortcomings and shortcomings, and lack appreciation for their children. A casual denial from a parent will bring negative psychological implications to the child. Children who always live in the denial of their parents tend to have low self-esteem, have no independent opinions in doing things, and lack the ability to act. First, the child becomes low self-esteem. If they blindly deny their children, they will have an inferiority complex in their hearts, habitually look down on themselves, and feel that they are worthless. The more parents deny, the easier it is for children to live like what their parents deny. Second, it causes mental illness. If parents deny their children for a long time, the children\’s psychology will deviate. Subconsciously, when a child exhibits deviant behavior, he is showing it to his nearest and dearest people, telling them, \”Help me, I\’m not feeling well, I\’m feeling very uncomfortable.\” But at this time, most parents fail to notice their children\’s inner feelings and distress signals, and only see abnormalities in their children\’s superficial behavior. If this kind of psychological deviation is not channeled, it will be held in the heart. Over time, it can easily lead to depression, and more seriously, it can also induce some psychological diseases. To reduce children\’s inferiority complex, start by teaching children to accept themselves. Parental affirmation is the source of motivation for children to move forward bravely; to reduce children\’s inferiority complex, start from teaching children to accept themselves. There is an important term in educational psychology called the \”Ongermarie Effect\”. It is said that once upon a time there was a girl named Ongemary. She was not very beautiful, but her family and friends gave her confidence and encouraged her: You are beautiful. From this, the girl gained confidence. Every time she looked in the mirror, she said to herself in her heart: \”Actually, you are beautiful.\” The girl became more and more beautiful. The Ungermarie effect refers to the positive psychological implications that acceptance of oneself, self-encouragement, and self-praise bring to people. The same goes for education. If parents can view their children\’s words and deeds in a positive light, fully affirm, trust, and appreciate their children, and pass on positive expectations to their children, then the children will often become more independent, confident, and better. Psychologist William James once said: \”The deepest need of human nature is the desire to be appreciated and praised by others.\” No matter how old a child is, the most healing thing for them always comes from their parents.Mother’s approval! The following two suggestions are shared with everyone. I hope every parent can see the shining points in their children. 1. Affirm and praise children more. Affirmation and praise from parents are like the cool breeze in summer or the warm sun in winter, making them feel happy. When a child is praised, it builds self-confidence and makes the child more brave. But you must remember not to praise in a general way. When you praise your children, you must be specific and pay attention to the process of the child\’s efforts. Let the children know what is the best in them and let them understand that the process of hard work is often more important than the results. 2. Accept and support their children. Every parent wants their children to get better and better. But as parents, rather than disciplining their children, the first thing they should give their children is unconditional love and acceptance. There was once a little boy who danced happily towards the moon. Seeing this scene, the mother asked curiously: \”What are you doing?\” The boy pointed at the moon and said excitedly: \”I want to jump to the moon.\” Faced with the boy\’s childlike talk, the mother did not laugh or deny, Instead, he smiled and said, \”That\’s good, but you have to remember to go home for dinner!\” Many years later, the first man to land on the moon was shown on TV. This man was none other than the little boy back then, Armstrong. The support of parents can make children burst out with huge energy, and even change their lives. Just like little Nezha in \”Nezha: The Devil Boy Comes to the World\”, no matter how much others hate him, he is still supported and cared for by his parents. Constantly listening to the children and providing companionship, it is under this kind of care that Nezha, who was originally destined to become a devil, burst out with huge potential and achieved a destiny-defying change. There are no children who cannot teach well, only parents who cannot teach. Wise parents always view their children in a positive light. How you treat your child is what your child will look like. I hope that every parent can see where their children shine, and that every child can grow up in praise.