How to make children feel loved by their parents

There is a popular post on Zhihu: \”Why do some young people nowadays resent their \”original family\” more and more?\” There are 2,267 answers below. Some people resent their parents for treating them as tools, some resent their parents for being too authoritarian, some resent their parents for being partial, and some resent their parents for saying one thing and doing another… This reminds me of the old Chinese saying, \”Resentment comes from resentment.\” \”Prosperous\”, that is, resentment often arises from relatives. What should parents do to help their children feel loved and not resentful? Feel the needs of children. The ancients said that \”the father is kind and the son is filial\”. The word \”kindness\” is above \”ci\” and below it is \”heart\”. The compassionate heart of parents who love their children is always in mind. What does it mean to be mindful? It means that parents care about their children and put their whole body, mind and thoughts on their children at all times. Sincerely feel the needs of the child, so that the child will not feel resentful. Sometimes, parents fail to understand their children\’s needs and ideas and blindly let their children do what they want. For example, a child doesn\’t like to learn piano, but his parents believe that it will bring him a chance to become famous and insist on letting him learn it. The children are in great pain because of this, and may even develop mental illness without the parents being aware of it. These parents are with their children every day, but why can\’t they feel their children\’s needs? Because they focus all their attention on themselves and demand their children with the ideas they take for granted and the achievements they have not achieved. The pain belongs to the child, the anxiety also belongs to the child, and the parents are still thinking about their own plans to create talents for their children. In the final analysis, it is the parents whose hearts are not pure. There is a saying in \”The Great Learning\”: \”Those who want to improve their families must first cultivate their own bodies.\” When placed in family education, it means that parents should correct their own hearts. Purity, equality, and enlightenment. Be alert at all times, check everything, be restrained in your thoughts, and carefully examine every little thing about your children. Only in this way can we put ourselves in someone else\’s shoes, empathize with others, and truly feel what the child\’s needs are. It’s important to note that feeling your child’s needs does not mean meeting all of your child’s needs. If parents dote on their children, it is easy for them to develop willful habits. If the children\’s food and clothing are always at home, and their food and clothing are the best, even better than those of the elderly, the children will think that they naturally enjoy preferential treatment and are the center of the family. If one day the child\’s needs conflict with other family members, for example, if the child goes to a summer camp abroad, it will cost a lot of money, but if an elderly person in the family is hospitalized, it will also cost money. Most parents can tell the difference between the two. However, children who have already developed a sense of self-centeredness will complain to their parents, and even resent them for their incompetence, making them unable to hold their heads high in front of their classmates. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! You can\’t just ask your children. \”Book of Rites: Doctrine of the Mean\” says: \”If you correct yourself without asking others, you will have no resentment.\” It means that you correct yourself and do a good job for yourself, but do not ask others, so that you will not cause others to of resentment. In the same way, if you ask your children for everything but you cannot do it yourself, your children will be dissatisfied. For example, many parents lie on the sofa scrolling through their mobile phones and playing games as soon as they get off work. Their children come over to look at them out of curiosity, and they order them to read a book.; Some parents are playing mahjong in the living room, but require their children to go back to their rooms to do homework as soon as they get home from school. It is difficult or even impossible for parents to expect their children to do so automatically and consciously even if they themselves have not set a good example. Asking your children without correcting yourself first will often cause discord between parents and children. \”The Great Learning\” says: \”Therefore, a gentleman has himself, and then seeks others; he has no self, and then he does not seek others.\” Virtuous parents must first do good deeds themselves, and then lead their children to do good deeds; they must be First ask yourself to do no evil, and then prohibit your children from doing evil. You will never ask others before you do it yourself. When teaching your children, teach yourself first. Set a good example yourself, and your children will naturally follow suit. There is an ancient saying: Those who teach by example will follow, and those who teach by words will follow the law. If you just use words to teach, your children will argue with you about right and wrong, saying that you haven\’t done it yet, so what qualifications do you have to criticize me? \”The Doctrine of the Mean\” says that a gentleman\’s self-cultivation is like an archer shooting an arrow. After discovering that he has not hit the target, he will immediately reflect on himself. Parents\’ self-cultivation should be like an archer\’s shooting of arrows. When they find that their children\’s words and deeds are not in line with their own wishes, they must first reflect on whether they are virtuous and fall short of their abilities. For example, if the eldest child complains that his parents are partial, the parents should examine themselves: When facing the eldest child and the second oldest child, are they partial? Even if you don\’t have it in mind, if you show a certain bias in your behavior and misunderstand it, you are not doing your job. Observe etiquette to avoid being ungrateful. Some parents obviously give a lot to their children, but their children are still full of resentment. This is because as time goes by, people tend to forget kindness and friendship. The most valuable thing in life is to be able to naturally maintain the heart of knowing and repaying kindness, and it remains unchanged throughout life. This depends on the education of etiquette. Etiquette can fundamentally cultivate a person\’s gratitude and respect, and help children establish standards for judging right and wrong, good and evil, beauty and ugliness. In ancient times, there was a ritual called \”Country Drinking Ceremony\”, which was designed to unite the feelings of the entire family during family gatherings. In the \”Country Drinking Ceremony\”, seats are arranged according to seniority and age. When a 60-year-old elder sits at the banquet, a 50-year-old person needs to stand aside to serve, accompany, and obey orders to show respect for the elder. The older the elders are, the more food offerings they receive. Even if you have a rich family fortune, but your seniority and age are relatively young, you still have to be ranked at the back. Its purpose is to remind everyone not to forget the care, education and dedication given to you by your elders when you were growing up, and not to be ungrateful. It cannot be said that just because you have money and status, you can be rich and powerful, sit in front of the family, sit in the middle, or even sit in front of your parents. This is not a way of dealing with kindness, friendship, and morality. When children are still young, parents can open the \”Disciple Rules\” and see if they have fulfilled the first four sentences: \”Don\’t be slow when your parents call; don\’t be lazy when your parents tell you; listen carefully when your parents teach; and don\’t be lazy when your parents teach.\” , must be obeyed.\” Children develop respect, sincerity and filial piety through the rules of etiquette at home, and they will naturally not be scornful or disobedient to their parents when they grow up. Therefore, the \”Book of Rites\” says: \”A filial son who loves deeply must be harmonious; a filial son who is harmonious must be cheerful; a son who is cheerful must have a graceful appearance.\” Children who truly love their parents should treat them with kindness.My parents are kind, gentle and tactful. Behavior is an expression of the character of the mind. If the order of etiquette is maintained, the children will naturally be friendly and kind when they enter society. Parents must learn to respect their children. The ancients said that they should respect their children, because children are the \”branch of relatives\”, a branch of ancestors and parents. But Keiko is not like today\’s parents, who give their children whatever they want. To truly respect and care for children is to pass on the virtues of our ancestors, such as quality, spirit, life experience, and entrepreneurial lessons to our children and grandchildren, so that this kind of good quality, good virtues, good family tradition, and good family tradition can be passed down from generation to generation. If a good family tradition is passed down from generation to generation, the family tradition is upright, and children are influenced by good virtues such as filial piety, loyalty, trust, etiquette, justice, and integrity, they will subtly develop a true love and filial piety towards their parents, and they will carefully observe every word, deed, and action. Will follow the crowd and pick up bad habits. Even if parents are powerless, children will not become impatient or resentful. Therefore, to love and respect children is to guide them with good teachings, rather than blindly satisfying their desires and tempting them with desires. Traditional Chinese culture emphasizes \”ethics and moral education\”, and the union between people is a moral union, not a utilitarian union. \”A lifelong plan is better than cultivating people.\” This sentence comes from \”Guanzi\”. For families, it is very important to cultivate people. In this way, the family tradition, family tradition, and family business can be passed down, and parents and children can love each other.