How to train children’s self-discipline

I was chatting with my best friend a few days ago. When talking about educating children, she said with emotion: \”When we were children, our parents didn\’t care much and we continued to learn and grow up. Today\’s children are really difficult to teach.\” In fact, children are always children. The difference is parents. Kant once said: \”The so-called freedom is not to follow one\’s own will, but to be self-dominated.\” It is difficult for children who cannot master themselves to move from \”heteronomy\” to \”self-discipline\”. If children are not self-disciplined, parents need to reflect on their own education model. In particular, the following 6 educational habits happen almost every day. Habit 1: \”Accompany\” or \”accompany\” Some time ago, Xiao Cao, a 7-year-old boy from Henan, became popular on the Internet and received likes from the People\’s Daily. Last year, Xiao Cao was still a fat little boy with squirting breasts. His father decided to take his son for a run. After one year, Xiao Cao also achieved a speed increase from \”3 kilometers in 40 minutes\” to \”3 kilometers in 15 minutes\”, and the \”little fat man\” turned into a \”little sunshine boy\”. A German mother’s experience in teaching integrity and self-discipline: Teach a good child who is strong + independent + tolerant + frugal. The father said that during this period, the child cried and thought about giving up, but in the end, he accomplished it with his company. I have read this sentence: Half an hour of high-quality companionship every day is far better than a day. However, not every child is as lucky as Xiao Cao to be truly accompanied by his parents. Some parents are physically present with their children and their minds are on their mobile phones (at work); some parents are just \”parents who feed and clothe themselves\” in name only. The world of parents is very big; the world of children is only parents. All the behaviors of children as they grow up are silently calling for their parents\’ attention. Whether children can move from \”other discipline\” to \”self-discipline\”, high-quality companionship is the first step. Companionship is about quality, not quantity. Even if you set aside 10 minutes a day to devote your whole heart to your children, over the course of a year, your children will be able to gather a whole bucket of love to nourish their confidence, determination, concentration and courage. Habit 2: Whether to \”arrange\” or \”negotiate\” the summer vacations of the past two years. I would inquire in advance and sign up for some training classes for my children. Most of them would choose some courses that I thought were beneficial to the future and learning. However, not only the effect is not ideal, but also conflicts continue. After years of experience of \”rewarding me with money and effort\”, this year I decided to \”lay it down\” and let him make his own decision first. Unexpectedly, what the child wanted coincided with what I thought. I confirmed again and again, took him to trial classes, and then signed up. After two months of classes, I had almost no worries. Naturally, there are times when the child becomes frustrated, cheats, and complains about being tired. However, compared to what I impose on him, he can get back on track faster. A writer once said: \”People are shocked in various ways, some on the spine, some on the nerves, some on morality and feelings. However, the strongest and most lasting one is on personal dignity. “Feeling respected is the source of a person’s motivation. Many times, it is not that children are not self-disciplined, but that they lack the motivation to self-discipline. So, please respect your children as adults. Let him participate in the management of family and life, assume the responsibility of self-management, and form a closed loop of self-responsibility instead of \”I am for your own good\”,“I arranged for you to do it” cramming. Habit 3: Should I \”reason\” or \”pay attention to behavior\” \”How many times have I told you to put things back where they belong after use\”; \”Children who don\’t study well will not have a good future\”; \”Can you please stop grinding?\” \”It\’s too slow\”;…Do you often feel that the older your children are, the harder it is to teach them. Even if you tell them countless little things, they neither listen nor do them, as if they are deliberately trying to go against you. Actually, no. This is our \”preaching behavior\” falling into the \”over-limit effect\”. In people\’s psychology, if they receive too much, too strong, or too long external stimulation, they will easily develop instinctive rebellion. The reason is very simple. If just \”preaching\” can influence a person, then there will not be so many educational conflicts. An effective way to teach is to use \”doing\” instead of \”saying\”. The principle that needs to be mastered is: if we are willing to do something, we will show it to our children through actions; if we are unwilling to do something, we will use \”results\” to let our children experience the \”consequences\”. For example: if you throw away toys everywhere, you will naturally not be able to find them the next time you play with them; if you are too late for school and are late for school, you will naturally be \”punished\” by the teacher… At that time, using simple principles and patient explanations, Let children experience the benefits of \”self-discipline\”. Habit 4: Is it \”authoritative reward\” or \”equal stimulation\”? Under heavy rewards, there must be brave men? Many parents are also accustomed to using this trick when educating their children: \”After writing these three pages, I will let you watch TV for 30 minutes\”; \”Read for another 5 minutes, and your mother will take you out to play\”; Quilt, reward you with 10 yuan\”;… There is no doubt that the child is also one of the \”brave men\”. Children who are fed \”material rewards\” seem to be self-disciplined and obedient, but in fact, the children\’s inner motivation is gradually being swallowed up by \”material desires\” and \”authoritative giving\”. Self-discipline is not a result, but a passion. True self-discipline does not rely on coercion or coaxing, but on stimulating inner motivation. Children who can truly learn long-term and happily often find the joy of learning rather than being attracted by material things. Children with truly good living habits are those who experience a sense of security and satisfaction, rather than getting something. Fast-food education similar to \”material rewards\” is just parents being lazy. It takes more than ten years for a child to grow up; there is no shortcut to educating a child well. Habit 5: Is it better to \”get fat in one bite\” or \”step by step\”? In the circle of parents, there has always been a popular saying: It is not to be afraid of being a top student, but to be afraid of being a top student during the summer vacation. This means that while most children are playing, the top student is already changing lanes to overtake. In fact, what really makes a top student overtake others is never a summer vacation, but perseverance. Therefore, many parents are anxious and cannot bear the slightest laxity in their children: if they fail in a test, they will scold their children as if their lives are ruined; if they make an unintentional mistake, they will blame them as if their lives are ruined… Or: they will fill all their children\’s memories with learning. Time, if you relax a little, you will become anxious and irritable. If you want your children to be self-disciplined, parents must first understand what \”self-discipline\” is. The rubber band that has been tight for a long time will break sooner or later; the energy that has been consumed will dry up sooner or later. Self-discipline is neverAscetic persistence, but a bit of diligent self-mastery. Not only do you do whatever you want to do, but you don\’t do anything you can\’t do. An excellent child must be a combination of learning, entertainment, rest, exercise and other factors. Habit 6: \”Teach one thing and do another\” or \”lead by example\” There was a photo circulated on the Internet: a mother taking her child on the subway. The mother is holding a book, and the child is also holding a book. The truth I want to convey is simple: the same kind of children are the same kind of parents. The words and deeds of parents are the reference for children. If parents are not self-disciplined, it will be difficult to raise self-disciplined children. Let’s take a look: parents who don’t like to read, their children will naturally not be separated from their mobile phones; parents who live a decadent life, their children will basically not be able to cheer up; as one story said: If there is something wrong with the original, it is useless to modify the photocopy. If they want their children to know how to control their emotions, parents must first achieve emotional stability; if they want their children to understand the usefulness of reading, parents must first let their children see the usefulness of reading; if they want their children to go to bed early and get up early, parents must first maintain a regular schedule. It is true that self-discipline is not an easy task. Some even say that true self-discipline is anti-human. indeed so. Human nature is to seek the easy and avoid the easy, seek the advantages and avoid the disadvantages. If you want to achieve self-discipline, you must overcome the human nature of instant gratification and instant gratification. If adult parents cannot do it, it is even more difficult for children to do it. Written at the end: Life is full of anxiety; life is full of problems. This is the norm and no one can break it. Only \”self-discipline\” can live in harmony with it. On the road to education, habits are the core. Parents\’ good educational habits are the cornerstone of raising good children. There are no shortcuts to a good life. Click \”Like\”, start with habits, and help children develop the habit of self-discipline. This is a lifelong wealth that parents give to their children.