Every time they are upset by their children, have all parents suddenly had this thought: No matter what, just love them as you wish! But after calming down, with a sigh, we will return to the previous state, worrying about our children over and over again. Disciplining children is really a difficult thing. The difficulty is that there is no absolute standard answer. If you supervise too much, you are afraid that your children will be rebellious; if you supervise them too little, you are afraid that your children will not make progress. The editor often hears this kind of talk: Recommended parenting books: Accompanying children’s lifelong growth Baidu Netdisk PDF download “This child is indifferent, no matter how I try to reason, he won’t listen.” “It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter. No, my child always goes against me.\” \”My child, I\’m afraid I\’m not here for revenge!\” As parents, we obviously want our children to grow up healthily and happily, but why do we have to endure all the hardships in exchange for our children\’s happiness? Don\’t know what\’s good or bad? In fact, many parents misunderstand the word \”discipline\”. The discipline that is truly beneficial to children is \”as it is, not as you want it to be.\” Why is your discipline ineffective? What is discipline? We all seem to take it for granted that discipline is what parents do for their children. Under the social laws that school education will most likely determine a child’s future, “discipline” seems to mean letting children learn more, better, and faster. Therefore, we can see that many parents plan those items that are \”beneficial\” for academic performance into their children\’s schedules, and then eliminate those \”interfering\” items one by one. However, what children really like may be the things that their parents think will \”interfere\” with their learning. These children may close the door after school every day and only speak a few words to their parents during meals. Parents want to chat with them and reason with them, but the children always act like they don\’t want to listen. The topic of greatest interest to them may be a popular game project in the class that only offends their parents. As parents, we all understand the desire to “want our children to study harder”. However, a fact that parents are unwilling to admit is that most children are not interested in learning. Parents\’ goal is to let their children study hard; but children\’s goals do not include studying well. They just want to get rid of their parents\’ control. The contradiction lies here. Learning was originally a child\’s business, but now it has become a \”task\” for parents. What these parents think in their minds is \”If they are not forced to learn, they will only know how to play.\” This is ineffective discipline. The goals of children and parents are completely opposite. In such a tense situation, every child naturally wants to resist the discipline of his parents. This is perhaps the most critical factor in why discipline is ineffective. Under this wrong parenting model, children are only the embodiment of the problem, and parents are the creators of the problem. Misunderstood \”Discipline\” For young children, besides eating and sleeping, playing is the most important thing. Every child needs to play and they learn a lot from it. However, as children move from childhood to adolescence and then to adulthood, children must slowly transform from people who focus on playing to people who focus on studying and working. Obviously, such a transformation cannot be completed in an instant.It requires profound changes in the child\’s brain and mind. However, too many parents know little about this process. It is possible that these parents themselves had never experienced the process of spontaneously shifting the focus of their lives to learning when they were children. Many people only discover the importance of learning after leaving school. However, when we teach our children with the mentality that \”if young people don\’t work hard, they will only be sad\”, we will inevitably mix anxiety into it. Although the ancient adage is correct, young children cannot empathize with it. Moreover, children’s minds should not bear the pressure of life too early. Because the more you emphasize the importance of learning with your children, the more your children will resent it and the harder it will be to find fun in learning. But when a child is disobedient, many parents feel helpless and their sense of authority is overthrown, as if the disobedient child has really become nothing when he grows up. Under normal circumstances, children need to have a good self-awareness in order to have a desire to explore the things around them and gradually develop a consciousness of learning. However, if the child feels more restraint than care from us, then the child will instinctively resist us from the heart. You can imagine that if we come home from get off work, our children will rush up to us as soon as we enter the door and ask, how was work today? Did you listen carefully to the leader’s speech during the meeting? Did you quarrel with your colleagues today? Do we also want to escape this chatter? Adventure Time Season 1 to Season 9 with Chinese and English subtitles 720P+ Gaiden+Frog Seasons+Beyond the Garden Wall Therefore, the more stringently and harshly you discipline your children, the more disobedient they will be. Even if a child obeys discipline, he is only behaviorally obedient. We cannot buy the hearts of children. In fact, discipline does not mean control. Discipline should be the guidance of behavioral habits and the development of psychological quality. Parents\’ self-management is the highest form of discipline. There is an old metaphor in Western countries: taking care of children is like taking care of a garden, and being a parent is like being a gardener. Just like a plant with the ability to grow, every child has its own vitality. Caring for a garden involves providing good soil, moisture, and adequate sunlight, and then waiting for the plants to slowly grow. What the gardener provides to the plants is nourishment. This is actually how we treat our children. ①The parent-child relationship is the basis of all discipline. Everyone needs love from their parents. This kind of love can bring confidence and strength to people. The more love a child experiences, the more resilient he will be in the face of a series of ups and downs such as long periods of study, pressure to enter higher education, and harsh bosses. However, when we teach and threaten our children, can they still experience the feeling of love from us? However, many parents inadvertently destroy the parent-child relationship in order to educate their children, and the children cannot feel the love from their parents. Some parents may say that they care about him just because they love him! However, we must start from the child\’s own feelings. When a child faces fierce parents all day long, what the child experiences is probably not the love of his parents, but the shame and disgust of himself. Severely blaming children not only destroys the parent-child relationship, but alsoIt fails to meet the original intention of parents to discipline. In this case, the child will gradually close himself out of self-protection. When a child cannot experience the love and care from his parents, sooner or later, the child\’s behavior will inevitably cause problems. ② If they unconditionally accept their children’s emotions but ignore their children’s problems, are they irresponsible? In fact, many parents do not use proper discipline methods. When children are no longer willing to communicate with us, it means that there is something wrong with our discipline methods. Parents’ nagging will make children’s self-perception worse and worse. Only when a child knows for sure that it is safe to admit his mistakes and weaknesses will he be willing to open up. We are always eager to give our children a \”life guide\”, but as everyone knows, reasoning with a child is almost completely ineffective. So what we have to do is accept it. Accept all your child\’s emotions unconditionally. Because emotions are feelings that arise involuntarily in people\’s hearts, we should accept our children no matter what emotions they have. But accepting emotions does not mean accepting all the child\’s behaviors: \”You hate this teacher, but you can\’t be disrespectful to the teacher.\” \”You like this female classmate, but you can\’t do things that are inappropriate for your age group.\” \”You hate exams. , but you cannot cheat on the exam.\” This kind of emotional acceptance is like a space that can tolerate mistakes, providing a safe field for children who have already had problems, so as to find better solutions. But if parents criticize their children\’s emotions and constantly deny their children\’s ideas, they will make their children completely helpless. ③ Believe in the child and accompany the child to grow up. The ultimate goal of discipline should be to enable the child to have the ability to live an independent and happy life. Therefore, the highest level of discipline is to believe in children. I believe that children can use their own strength to find their own way and live a good life. This means that we cannot directly provide guidance to children, but stimulate their interest in life and learning and make it blossom and bear fruit. When a child can fully experience the care and support of his parents, he will be willing to embark on a path of self-development. Therefore, we must believe in our children and believe in the power of belief. All 15 volumes of the original English version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid can be read online in ultra-clear pdf + mp3 + 4 movies. Some parents may feel that this level is too high and it is difficult for ordinary parents to achieve it. However, shouldn’t a good parent continue to learn and grow? Imagine, when a child faces a goal that is difficult to achieve, what kind of mentality do we want him to have? If we want our children to work hard, then we must also work hard when facing such high goals. This process must be long. And in imperfect real life, we will definitely encounter many problems. But this is also the only way to grow. In any case, we must remember that the height of parents can affect their children. At the same time, this height can always be increased.