If you don’t pay attention to your baby’s most important first three years of education, you will regret it…

The following is what an early childhood educator shared about the problems that arise in early education for modern parents and the misunderstandings of most parents. I have also made some of the mistakes. Fortunately, I discovered this article early, just as the author asked himself , as a first-time mother, I am more concerned about: \”Did I do the right thing in the most important first three years of my child\’s life? Under my guidance, can she maintain a strong desire to explore, and can she maintain her concentration?\” Has she not been destroyed? Is her learning ability strong? When encountering difficulties, does she shrink back or find a solution to the problem by herself? Can she always maintain a confident and healthy mind?\” In fact, in the first three years of a child\’s life, it is important for him It is crucial, whether it is in terms of the development and improvement of the immune system, the sound development of personality, the overall development of IQ and EQ, it is no exaggeration to say that every day is very important for the baby. Note that the sensitive period before the age of 3 follows the child\’s nature. I don\’t know that children have various sensitive periods between the ages of 0 and 6. Taking the child\’s performance during the sensitive period as misbehavior and scolding the child goes against the child\’s nature and causes his Painful, leaving psychological hidden dangers. Children have various sensitive periods when they are 0-6 years old. The so-called sensitive period refers to: during the growth process of 0-6 years old, children are driven by their inner vitality to repeatedly perform certain actions within a certain period of time. Or a period of repeated learning of a certain ability and a particularly strong learning ability. There is a sensitive period for attachment formation, a sensitive period for the mouth, a sensitive period for movements of hands, legs, and feet, a sensitive period for language, a sensitive period for subtle things, a sensitive period for skin touch, a sensitive period for stubbornness and perfection, a sensitive period for order, and a mathematical sensitivity. period, painting sensitive period, etc. The oral sensitive period lasts from shortly after birth to a little over one year old. This is the oral sensitive period. No matter how much adults try to stop it, the child always puts his hand into his mouth and eats with relish. Adults must not stop their children because they think it is unclean, otherwise it will leave psychological risks. What adults have to do is to ensure that the things entering the entrance are relatively clean, and it is best to provide different things for children to explore with their mouths! Children at this stage rely on their mouths to explore the world. If they survive successfully, they will never use their mouths to chew anything other than food in the future. Some children cannot get rid of the habit of sucking fingers or other objects after entering kindergarten or elementary school, and it even extends to other bad behaviors, such as: eating snacks, spitting, and swearing! All are related to a certain extent because the sensitive period of the oral cavity has not gone well. The late stage of the limb sensitive period and the oral sensitive period overlap with the sensitive period of the hands. During the sensitive period of the hands, children like to throw things with their hands, dig small holes with their fingers, and even hit people (actually, from a child\’s perspective, they are just exercising their arm muscles). exercise practice). Overlapping with the later stage of the sensitive period of the hands is the sensitive period of the legs. Sometimes two or three sensitive periods often overlap at the same time. Sensitive Period of Property Rights Awareness Children over two years old enter the sensitive period of property rights awareness. They often say \”this is mine\” and \”that is mine\” and refuse to share anything with others, even their mother cannot get it. things inside. Dear parents, please do not think that your child is selfish, and you must find a way to get rid of this problem. In fact, this is the ownership of property rights.Practice to recognize the relationship between the person and the item by confirming the ownership of the item. Foreign education experts often say that the philosophy of a two-year-old child is \”mine is mine, everything is mine.\” We should also understand the behavior of children at this stage instead of labeling them randomly. The way to successfully get through the sensitive period of property rights awareness is to not get serious with your child when his behavior is particularly obvious and just follow him. This time takes about three or four months (depending on the child\’s condition). Then find an appropriate opportunity, that is, when other children share toys with your own child, remind him: \”Are you happy that the child gave you a toy to play with?\” When he nods, tell him: \”You gave the toy to you.\” They are also happy when others play.” You can stop here and don’t force your child right away. After repeating this several times, let him try to give the toys to other children. Through practice, he will know that the toys belong to him. After giving them to others to play with, he will still want them back. Sharing them with others will make everyone happy, so he will slowly willing to share. Most children enter the sharing stage around the age of three. Note 1: For children who are in the confirmation period of strong awareness of property rights, adults must not tease the child, grab things from the child\’s hands, make him cry, and then shame him \”You are so stingy!\” This is absolutely not allowed. the behavior of! Note 2: When the child is able to share, we must accept the food given to us. Do not say \”I am teasing you, I won\’t eat, you can eat.\” This is to refuse the child\’s sharing and will give the child The feeling it brings is disappointment, and children will associate sharing with disappointment and will not be able to enjoy the joy of sharing, and will gradually become unwilling to share. Other three- and four-year-old children enter the sensitive period of order, perfection, and stubbornness. If an adult breaks off a piece of cake and gives it to the child, the child will cry and refuse to accept it. Adults must not think that the child is selfish. That is the perfect sensitive period. We It destroys the child\’s sense of circles. Each other sensitive period has its own manifestations. For example, at the age of five or six, there is a sensitive period for worshiping and being worshiped, a sensitive period for marriage, etc. Only by allowing children to go through it smoothly and naturally can they maintain a healthy mentality. Don\’t \”teach\” and demonstrate before the age of 3. The key is to mistakenly regard instilling knowledge as early education, and always use \”teaching\” methods to arouse children\’s resistance. People often say that the most important period is before the age of three. This period is not about how much knowledge a child can learn, but the most important period for psychological growth. Psychological growth is an important part of early childhood education, and a healthy mind is the source of lifelong happiness. During this period, you dote on your child, take the child as the center, let him eat alone, do everything for him, disrespect him, easily meet his material needs in advance, and ignore his inner feelings, etc. This kind of emphasis on material satisfaction and neglect of spirituality Nurturing methods can only cultivate an unhealthy and independent child. Don’t teach the kids, just show them. Regarding not teaching children, many people may think that I am talking nonsense. I did not understand this statement when I first came into contact with it. It took me two full years and a lot of observation and practice to understand that children are really not \”taught\”. For example: when a guest greets a baby and the child does not respond, adults usually urge him to say hello out of politeness and face.\”Hey, why don\’t you call me aunt? Why don\’t you answer? You should call me aunt. That\’s what your child is like.\” etc. Doing this is teaching, and teaching will put pressure on the child. If you teach and criticize at the same time, it is even more torture for the child. We just need to imitate the child\’s tone and respond: \”Hello, aunt!\” or \”Goodbye, aunt!\” \”Thank you, grandma, I\’ve eaten.\” etc. This is modeling, not teaching. Children with flexible fingers can start to practice putting on shoes at about 18 months old. If the child wears shoes backwards, most parents will say: \”Wrong, wrong, left and right.\” Wrong left and right? There is no right or wrong based on a baby\’s ability. Telling him he is wrong will put pressure on him, and the tone of our words will make him nervous: What is going on? Why does mom have such a bad tone? Just tell the child calmly: \”Swap the two shoes.\” This is to tell him the correct way to do it, and that\’s it. Don\’t teach this is the left and that is the right (children\’s brains are very simple, just accept the correct instructions. Too complicated for him to accept). According to my experience, after a month or two of prompting, the child will wear shoes, and the left and right will not be wrong. When operating a toy, you only need to demonstrate, \”Baby, watch mommy do it\”, and mommy slows down to demonstrate. After that, give the child time and opportunity to adjust and operate repeatedly on his own. Don\’t disturb him, and don\’t keep reminding him \”wrong, wrong, don\’t do this\” when he makes a little mistake. In this way, children lose the opportunity to internalize external information, and their concentration is destroyed by us! What we should do is wait patiently for him to adjust himself, and we must not criticize. With enough love and respect, children may even have the ability to educate themselves. If you teach everything, you will lose your direction once no one teaches you. Often, children\’s self-learning ability is lost in our teaching. If you want to walk, crawl first for better health. Never use a walker! Be sure to let your kids crawl! Baby walkers are harmful to your baby\’s health. Learning to walk requires overcoming huge psychological barriers and mastering skills to maintain body balance. Walkers do not need to be so \”troublesome\” and can easily slip away a long way with just a touch. This makes it difficult for children to overcome psychological barriers and adapt to the arduous process of learning to walk. This is why children who use walkers learn to walk more slowly. Another situation is: the foot muscles of children who use walkers are shaped into tiptoes, and parents often have to spend a long time to let the baby learn to land on the entire sole of the foot. With a walker, the chance of your child crawling is greatly reduced. Many old people are often very proud, \”My grandson doesn\’t have to crawl, he just walks, that\’s awesome!\” They don\’t know that humans must develop through crawling to be healthy. Children who do not crawl have poor physical coordination, which affects their daily life and sports. Poor development of the vestibular nerve affects future reading and writing, and can also hinder the development of language. Correct handling of children\’s crying children need to understand that correct handling of children\’s crying emotions is the beginning of building a good character. Joy, anger, sadness, joy, fear, etc. are all normal emotional expressions gifted to humans. We adults always like happy things and often feel uncomfortable with crying.Very annoying. We need to be patient and feel the child\’s crying instead of just saying \”don\’t cry, don\’t cry\” to the child. This is a very big mistake. Crying is the release of his inner contradictions and conflicts, which is not a bad thing. As long as an adult hugs him gently, strokes his back, and the first sentence is \”Oh, baby, mommy knows… (what happened just now), you \”I\’m very sad. Mom understands you.\” \”Oh, baby, mom knows you were hurt by the fall and you were a little scared, right?\” This is empathy, which means that we understand him, and accepting his sadness is the beginning of adjusting his emotions. The second sentence must be \”Mom knows you are unhappy (this is very important)\”, so that he will be happy soon. The third sentence is \”Mom loves you, mom understands you.\” Finally, it can be more effective if you take three deep breaths to let the child exhale the unpleasant feeling. If you learn this, your child may run away to find a friend with tears still on his face. (I have tried this method many times and it is very effective. People often laugh at me. After all, I am an early childhood educator. You can just coax your child. In fact, this method is not coaxing, but the effect of empathy.) We often use this method when raising little boys. Say, \”Boy, why are you crying!\” \”Shame, boy, you\’re still crying!\” When a boy releases his sadness as a child, he is often blocked by adults. When he grows up, he doesn\’t know how to feel sad. You don’t know how to express your love, so it’s difficult for your husband to say he loves you. I believe many wives feel the same way. In other words, after such a boy enters marriage as an adult, he will definitely not be able to communicate well with his wife, which will affect the quality of the marriage. Parents, please think about it, if your son might be unhappy in his future marriage, would you still stop the little boy from crying? Please accept his sorrow unconditionally! It\’s not a shame for a boy to cry! Once a baby of a few months old cries, we should often say \”Come on, come on!\” and rush over in a hurry. This is not good. The child will develop a mentality of controlling adults. Instead, he should say in a relaxed and gentle tone: \”I\’m hungry.\” Really? Mom is here.\” Once the child struggles and cries and refuses something, use a compromising voice \”Oh oh oh, if you don\’t want it, don\’t want it.\” In fact, you should say in a calm tone: \”Okay, don\’t want it now, we will do it later… (do something thing)\”. Don\’t let your child feel that he can control adults by crying and do whatever he wants. In many cases, the implementation of educational methods requires observation and summary, rather than generalization. How to deal with a child who hits someone unintentionally? Why do two- to three-year-old children become more likely to hit others the more they are stopped? Because aggressive behavior is an inevitable growth process for most children. Most children between the ages of two and three often hit others. Adults should never say \”Don\’t hit\” or \”Why are you hitting again?\” This has no effect. This makes the child think that this action can attract the attention of adults, and the hitting action becomes more and more repeated. Most of the time, it is because the child is in the sensitive period of mouth, hands and feet. He is keen to use his mouth, hands and feet to explore the world and understand things. The scope of exploration will of course include other people\’s bodies, so \”biting\” and \”hitting\” appear. Attacks such as \”people\” and \”kicking people\”hitting behavior. Another reason is that he has not mastered the method of interpersonal interaction. When his language is still unable to express his thoughts correctly, he often uses impactful body movements instead in desperation. He may just say \”get out of my way\” or \”don\’t touch my things\”, but before the words are spoken, he has already reached out to push or snatch. Some children are seriously insecure and vent their bad emotions by attacking others, or want to attract the attention of their parents. What adults should do is not to label him \”You are a bad boy who hits others.\” As long as there is no reinforcement, when he hits someone, apologize to the other parent and child, and hug your child in time to prevent him from showing up again. Aggressive behavior, leave calmly. At the same time, adjust the time you spend with your child in a timely manner to give him adequate comfort. It is 100% useless for children at this stage to reason. At the same time, parents of children who are impacted must calm down and do not think that their children are being bullied. Many children interact through physical collisions. They must understand that the other child did not do it intentionally and does not have moral problems. If you think your child is being bullied, your child will develop the character of being bullied and will be bullied for the rest of his life. When you go home, don\’t tell your family that your child was beaten by so-and-so. All these will make your child think that I am easily beaten by others, and he will feel that there is something wrong with him that makes others dislike him. This will make him timid and cowardly. character. The correct approach is to accept the apology from the other parent and say to the child, \”You are a good boy. I know you just want to play with our baby (you can change the word according to the situation). You two can shake hands.\” After three years old, When your child becomes more sensible, if he still hits others, you should deeply explore the reasons why he hits others (whether there is domestic violence, etc.), eliminate the root cause, and tell him \”no\” every time he attacks others. . Note that I use \”can\’t\” instead of \”can\’t hit\”. Don\’t add negative information to it. As long as the child has negative behavior, the first principle is to downplay it, downplay it, and then downplay it! Don’t strengthen! Children naturally love to try and repeat behaviors that have interesting and stimulating consequences and attract the attention of adults. The correct thing to do is to make the consequences of the behavior meaningless, and he will naturally give up. Don\’t tease your children casually. Children also need to be respected. Why do we treat children like circus performers? Don\’t do to children what adults don\’t want you to do to them. When many families have guests at home, they greet their children: \”Come, come, come, sing a song, dance.\” This is extremely disrespectful to children. Do not let your child perform in front of guests. This will cause the child to focus all his attention on pleasing others as he grows up. As an adult, once others do not recognize him, he will suffer a huge blow and be unable to perform well. the inherent abilities that should be expected. “What’s your name?” If kids had the chance to pick the most annoying question they’ve ever been asked, this would be at the top of the list. Adults, please think about it. If an \”alien\” who is two or three times your height and several times your weight always looks down at you and asks you questions in an unceremonious tone, would you be willing to answer? You\’ve already rolled your eyes at that impolite \”alien\”, right?So when a child doesn\’t like to answer this question, how can we blame him for being rude? We should: Squat down, keep your eyes parallel to the child\’s eyes, introduce yourself and ask the child\’s name: \”I am Teacher Lin (aunt), I am very happy to meet you, can you tell me your name?\” And remember the first Never touch a child casually during a meeting. This is the training an adult should have! If someone treats your child like this, don\’t even help others to ridicule your child because of face. \”Yes, he just doesn\’t like to talk!\” \”Why is he so rude? Answer uncle quickly.\” \”He is just so timid.\” etc. If a child is often placed in such unhappy situations by his parents, it will be difficult for him to be outgoing and lively. Therefore, parents often say that their children are little bullies at home and little rabbits outside. When a child is respected enough, his behavior will be consistent both internally and externally. Mom and Dad, do you want others to laugh at you? Don\’t want to, right? So when our children say something that makes people laugh, we must not burst into laughter. For example, if a child says, \”My dad doesn\’t wear clothes to take a bath,\” and the family laughs, they then deliberately ask the child, \”Are you wearing clothes to take a bath?\” Isn\’t this confusing the child\’s thinking? Many families often play this kind of joke on their children. Don’t tease your children casually. When others tease my children, I often reject them rudely: I’m sorry, my children don’t like making such jokes. Between children and face, we should choose children. Language threats are more powerful than positive words. We often unknowingly convey a lot of negative and negative information to our children! Do not tell others about your child\’s \”misdeeds\” in front of your child. For example, many mothers often say in front of guests: \”He is so timid!\” \”He just doesn\’t like to eat!\” In this way, you are hinting to your child: This is the kind of person you expect him to be. He will achieve the results in the direction you expect: he will become more timid and less fond of eating. The suggestive power of language is huge. If you pretend to tell others secretly, but let the child hear it: \”You know, our baby was very brave when playing on the swing today!\” \”You know, my baby ate a full bowl of rice by himself today.\” This will send a message to the child: \”Ah? Mom said I am brave? Really? Well, I will be braver tomorrow!\” \”Ah, Mom is so happy, okay, I will eat another big bowl tomorrow.\” It is a positive suggestion that can directly reach the child\’s subconscious mind and has a huge impact. Don\’t threaten your children, \”If you make any more noise, mommy won\’t want you anymore.\” This is the biggest threat and the deepest fear. Because a young child cannot survive without his family. A mother\’s verbal abuse towards her child is the beginning of the child\’s bad character. The correct way to say it is: \”Please be quiet, Mommy loves you!\” Other words that make the child feel that any external things will hurt him cannot be said. Special emphasis: Resolutely avoid saying the following words: \”Don\’t make a noise, the police will come.\” \”If you make a noise again, the doctor will come to give you an injection.\” \”Go to sleep, the big bad wolf is coming.\” If you don\’t threaten you like this Boy, when he goes outYou will be generous, lively, cheerful, healthy and confident. Note: Never make malicious jokes with your children, \”Your mother doesn\’t want you anymore, she won\’t come to pick you up.\” You must keep your children away from anyone who says such things to your children. This kind of joke is very bad and is extremely detrimental to the child\’s sense of security. We must pay close attention to language education. A child who talks too much is definitely the result of improper language education by his parents. He doesn\’t say silly words, such as \”feet\”, \”shoes\”, \”eating rice\”, and even makes up some nonsense words that others can\’t understand. From birth, every word spoken to the child should be grammatically correct and have standard pronunciation in the native language. The main caregiver should use exaggerated mouth shapes, clear voices, and slow speed when talking to the baby, for example: \”Bao-bao-sleep-wake-up.\” Be careful not to talk nonsense, otherwise your speech will still be unclear when you are four or five years old. If a child can learn standard pronunciation in one go, why should he learn baby talk one more time? A waste of time, energy, and neural information storage. Many children still cannot tell the difference between you and me when they are more than two years old. This is also the result of adults not paying attention. In order for children to master first, second and third person pronouns as soon as possible, mothers should use personal pronouns when communicating with their babies after one year old, so that children can imitate them. You should say more \”I pour water for you to drink\” and less \”Mom pours water for the baby to drink.\” When a child says \”baby\’s\”, adults should follow up by saying \”yes, it\’s yours\”. When a child makes a mistake, never burst into laughter. The child will be stunned by the laughter and lose the opportunity to learn. Set boundaries correctly to help children abide by the rules. Do not tell children to \”obey\”. Let children abide by the rules happily, internalize the rules in their hearts, and become a belief that they will abide by throughout their lives. Various behavioral norms can be seen everywhere in China\’s family education and social order, but few adhere to them. Why is this? Are Chinese people naturally unruly? Is it because we don’t talk about rules in the education process? Certainly not. As we have gone abroad to the world in the past few years, we have opened our eyes and realized that there is such a huge distance between us and world civilization. As long as there is no one to supervise, we will break the rules, and we are lucky enough to say, \”No one will see it, right?\” Why is this? Most people in developed Western countries believe in God. What is deeply rooted in their hearts is that if I cannot do anything that offends my conscience, God will see it. Therefore, there are no ticket inspectors at subway stations in Germany. Many supermarkets abroad weigh and calculate prices by themselves. Unconditional returns are a common practice internationally. And we grew up under the supervision of others. When we were young, we listened to our parents at home and were always reminded not to do this or that. When we went to school, we listened to the teacher and obeyed this and that. Children never had the opportunity to judge for themselves. Rules that should be followed spontaneously as you grow. Breaking the rules is the child testing our bottom line, which is actually the beginning of obeying the rules. We should treat him tolerantly and remind him \”you forgot something\” instead of criticizing him or putting pressure on him. (You can\’t say \”Why did you forget?\” as the word \”how\” will put pressure on the child and have the meaning of blaming.) At the same time, we should fully respect the child\’s spontaneous exploration behavior. When children’s spontaneous exploratory behavior is rewarded by ourWhen respected, he will begin to abide by the rules we set for him, which means he will learn to obey others wisely. At this time, the dawn of discipline will appear and the rules will be internalized. Internalized rules will stay with the child throughout his life, and he will happily and easily follow these internalized rules. What should you do if your child grabs a toy? Let children understand how object autonomy solves the problem of children snatching toys during interactions. From the moment babies start interacting, a principle should be established: Whoever owns the toys has the right to decide. Adults cannot forcefully give their children\’s toys to other babies, nor can they induce them to give them to others. If it is a public toy or game device, whoever gets it first or starts playing with it first has the right to decide to continue playing or leave, and other babies must wait. Children usually cry when they can\’t get the toys they want. Adults can say in a calm tone: \”We have to learn to wait!\” You can also divert the child\’s attention and use other toys to attract him to leave temporarily. When a child is unwilling to share, adults must not say to him, \”You are stingy,\” \”petty,\” etc. If you keep labeling your child with such labels, he will never learn to share. Only after the child understands that he has autonomy over his own belongings can he talk about sharing. If adults force their children\’s toys to other children out of dignity, it means that you are telling your child that he can also snatch other people\’s toys, so no matter what the situation, the rules must be uniform. Normally after the age of three, a child learns that if a toy is given to others to play with, he can still get it back, so he is willing to share. Before the age of three, do not rush to cultivate selfless qualities in your children.

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