Is it okay for a mother and her son to be too close?

In today’s article, Yaya’s mother is here to serve as a “negative teaching material”… Yaya has been a “mom boss” since she was a child! No matter what you do, you can never leave Ya Ya\’s mother, and Ya Ya\’s mother was also happy to enjoy this kind of \”being needed\”. He once even secretly showed off in a tone that seemed helpless but actually contained pride: \”Hey, as long as I leave Yaya for a little bit, Yaya will look for me crazily. This little thing is like a plaster!\” But as Yaya gradually grew, As time passes, certain clues gradually emerge. For example: Yaya has no \”reverence\” for me. Every time he does something wrong, if he is being disciplined by his father, he will cry to me with an aggrieved face. Sometimes his heart is really soft, and he will naturally stand by Yaya. Here, say something like \”The child is still young, let\’s slowly find a way to educate him\” and \”It\’s not a big deal, don\’t be so cruel to him\”. Until one time, Yaya was playing with a child and pushed him. I asked him to apologize, but he came up to me with a smile and kissed me \”mia\”, but refused to apologize. At that moment, I realized the seriousness of the problem and deeply reviewed the way I had gotten along with Yaya in the past. If I continued like this, it would be of no benefit to Yaya’s future education, so I made up my mind to let myself and Yaya Maintain an appropriate \”emotional distance.\” In this way, the situation of \”a loving mother often loses her sons\” will not occur. The first thing I do is: establish a sense of majesty. In fact, children also have their own \”cunning\” and can feel the atmosphere and look at the eyes very well. This is true! Mothers who are too forgiving are most likely to lose their principles and let their children master the \”trick\” of avoiding responsibility. It even gradually developed the mentality of \”you can be lawless in front of your mother\” and \”everything your mother does is what you should do\”. Yaya\’s mother understood this and decided to start from this point and gradually establish her power. It\’s really difficult at the beginning, but as long as you find the right way, you won\’t be afraid of difficulties. For example, when Yaya played with toys before, I would urge him to put them away, but Yaya would always climb up on his knees and hold my face, saying \”Mom, mom, collect\” in awkward language. Usually at this time, I would already He\’s defeated, hey, I\’ll take it, I\’ll take it. If it\’s bigger, let him take it himself. After I decided to set the rules and never be soft-hearted, when he wanted to cheat again, I would look at him with a stern face and watch him put away the toys before doing other things. Slowly, as long as I said \” Yaya, put away your own toys\”, Yaya may be reluctant, but as long as I look at him, he will go and put them away obediently. As children grow up, although it should be advocated to give them sufficient love and appropriate freedom, everything must be done in moderation and principles and rules must not be discarded. During the \”confrontation\” between Yaya and I, I deeply felt that the intimacy between parents and children should have limits. Because when parents are too close to their children, it is often easy to cause: 01 It is easy to set rules but difficult to enforce. Many parents will also set rules for their children, for example: you can’t steal children’s toys, you can’t lose your temper, and you can’t finish what you are doing carefully. Go to the next thing… However, the rules are indeed established, but breaking the rules is also a matter of seconds. If the child acts coquettishly, pretends to cry, or complains, the rule is broken. 02 Punishment for breaking the rulesWhen being punished, Yaya’s mother knows this very well. At that time, Yaya didn’t realize the seriousness of the problem. Sometimes Yaya did something wrong and made me angry. When I made a threatening gesture, Yaya would He covered his eyes and hid, looking at me through his fingers and smiling. At that moment, I couldn\’t help but laugh out loud. In the end, the best opportunity for serious education was lost, and instead it became a game between mother and child. 03 Led to lack of principles. There was a little boy about the same age as Ya Ya in the neighbor’s house. The mother took him to a relative’s house to visit. Unable to resist the elder’s “hard love”, she gave the boy a Coke. After that, the child cried and asked for Coke every day. Every time the mother asked the child whether he wanted to drink milk or freshly squeezed juice, the child cried and asked for Coke. The mother compromised, thinking of coaxing him over first, and then slowly. Correction, who knew that this concession would increase the child\’s \”momentum\”, and he would drink or eat every time. In the end, not only did he drink more and more, but he even tended to use Coke instead of water. 04 Causing the child to be arrogant and rude. Cece was very cute when he was a child. He was the only child of the third generation in the family, so he was naturally loved. Everyone in the family regarded the child as a treasure. I went to the hospital to see a doctor, but the doctor couldn\’t find a blood vessel because the child was crying too much. As a result, the parents cried fiercely in front of the nurse. Even in the children\’s play, Cece cannot suffer any loss. What happened next, you ask? Later, not only did this child have no friends, but when he was six or seven years old, his mother punched his mother twice because she wanted to discipline him. So it’s right not to wait until the situation gets out of control before you remember to set rules! Most of today\’s parents follow the education of love and treat their children with gentleness and gentleness like jade, but this degree is really difficult to control. If you don\’t pay attention, it will become indulgence! So, how should we give our children enough love and freedom while also establishing good rules? 1. A moderate sense of freedom and boundaries is the first lesson that children should learn. It is very important to let children know where the boundaries are. For example, it is the right thing to follow the rules in public, not to be brutal and to be polite. So the question is, what should you do if you see your child crying in public? The method Yaya\’s mother used at the beginning was to carry him to a place with few or no people for persuasion and education. If the persuasion didn\’t work, let him cry for a while. At this time, the most important thing is not to be soft-hearted. You cannot give in or pretend not to see when the child cries or makes a fuss. It is also important for children to understand that no matter what the circumstances, they cannot disrespect their teachers or do whatever they want, and parents must stop them in time. 2. Establish different rules at different ages. Since the key points of mental development are different at each age, different rules should be gradually established according to age. For example, 0-3 years old is a period for establishing clear and safe boundaries. Children at this period actually have no sense of rules yet, and all rules are gradually established by their parents. Once something is not allowed, you will often cry and make a fuss. At this time, parents should choose to empathize first and then establish rules. You can say this: I know the baby is very sad. You can hold your mother and cry for a while to cry out your grievances. , but this really cannot be done. Rule-based education based on penetration is more advanced. Children aged 3-6 years old need to establish relationships with the people around themHarmony rules. For example, if you disturb others, you should say sorry; if someone helps you, you should say thank you; rubbish should be thrown into the trash can, and you can\’t say bad words at will, and you can\’t attack others. For children over 6 years old, the rules of various public places and the rules of courtesy and respect between elders and children at home should be made clear to them. Top 10 bestsellers Li Zhongying\’s Comprehensive Parent-Child Relationship Skills e-book Three: Be firm in your attitude. Be firm when you encounter a child who makes a mistake and must be educated. No matter whether the child is crying or \”smiling playfully\” or even deliberately trying to please in order to \”exempt immunity\”, you must be firm. You must deal with it with a determined attitude and don\’t give up first. A psychological expert once said: A successful person may not necessarily be smarter than ordinary people, but he must be a person with a sense of rules. The sense of rules mentioned here refers to the awareness of \”rules\” and \”discipline\” that should be established since childhood. Yes, every parent should understand: while giving children love and freedom, the sense of rules cannot be ignored!