There is knowledge everywhere in life. I didn’t expect that in a manor in Southeast Asia, I met a young “mentor” who helped me better understand the secret of parent-child relationship. Before the Spring Festival, several families made an appointment to go to Southeast Asia for a few days. . We lived in a garden similar to a private manor, and the organizer arranged many activities. One of the activities is learning a set of exercises said to activate chakras and strengthen the body. We mothers were very curious, so we made an appointment to experience it. Unexpectedly, the teacher was very young, a big boy in his early twenties. But he is different from ordinary big boys, he looks very calm. He met his teacher at the age of 18 and embarked on the path of spiritual practice. We sat facing each other on the floor, and the teacher began to explain the principles of this exercise, the key points of the movements, and how to control breathing. Here comes the problem. My English is completely the product of exam-oriented education. I can get high marks in exams, and my daily conversations are just okay. If I am a little more professional, I will be blinded. In addition, the teacher’s accent is not very pure, which makes it difficult to listen to me. Several other mothers are at similar levels. We even made guesses and gestures, but we were still confused. Many times, teachers have to repeat a sentence several times, and they have to consider other ways to express the same meaning. Often, the teacher looks at us with questioning eyes, and we respond with a look of confusion. After chatting like this for nearly half an hour, I started to get a little impatient. I asked the teacher: \”Can you teach us the movements and explain the key points at the same time?\” The teacher replied: These principles still need to be explained clearly to you in advance. Learning the superficial movements is just scratching the surface. Okay, I endured it and continued to guess and chat awkwardly with the teacher. From theory to practice, the class lasted three hours. After practicing a set of exercises, I found that what the teacher said does make sense. After mastering the principles and essentials, the movements will be more accurate. If you just follow the movements and learn the movements, you will not be able to understand this. However, what benefited me most was not that I learned a set of exercises, but that I experienced infinite patience and the feeling of being firmly supported by this teacher who was nearly half my age: We are not good at English, but he Just repeat it over and over again, explaining it in various ways, until we understand it. I was a little impatient and wanted to adjust the pace of my studies, but he remained unhurried and followed the scheduled pace. If we act incorrectly, he will repeatedly remind us and demonstrate us, without any judgment or blame. He is as steady as lake water, calm and calm. I tried to find traces of impatience, blame and impatience on his face, but his expression was always calm – not the indifference of being in the world, but a kind of warm and determined calm. To be honest, I have rarely experienced such patience and calmness among the teachers I have encountered. Afterwards, I couldn\’t help but think about it over and over again. I was thinking: Why do I feel impatient during class? How do I feel about his patience and “stability”? Why is the teacher so patient? How did he do it? What can I learn from this? I carefully experienced my impatience and impatience at that time, trying to catch those subtle and fleeting thoughts, and put them under a magnifying glass to observe carefully.I discovered that behind this “impatience” lies fear and worry. Because of poor communication, I worry that the teacher will be impatient, worry that the teacher will judge me, and think that my English is not good enough. Because I was worried that the teacher would be impatient, I first became impatient about this matter. Using irritability and indifference to cover up one\’s worries, weakness and helplessness is a subconscious self-defense. Moreover, this impatience is also impatience with oneself. If you are worried about others annoying you, then bother yourself first. Instead of waiting for your attack, it is better for me to attack myself first than to be hurt by you. Therefore, when I express my impatience, I will subconsciously observe the teacher\’s expression. If he also expressed his impatience because of this, I would have a feeling of \”just as I expected\”: You see, the teacher is indeed a little impatient. Fortunately, I expressed my impatience first. Doesn\’t this sound like a child\’s feeling? As a mother and a parent-child education enthusiast, I try to stand in the child\’s position and understand the child\’s mood: If I were a child, I would not be so perfect and would always make some mistakes; if I were not so smart, I would not be able to learn everything in one go. , my parents always meddle in things and judge me a lot. If I do something bad or wrong, I will be criticized or even yelled at by my parents. So, what do I do when I encounter difficulties and encounter things that I am not sure about? I will express my indifference by being impatient, impatient, and giving up. Because I didn’t want to do it and had no interest in doing it, that’s why I couldn’t do it well. It’s not that I’m not capable enough and I want to do it but can’t do it well. Therefore, you can only blame me for being impatient and giving up easily, but you will not blame me for being bad. Just like what many parents say about their children: This child is very smart, but he is impatient and can\’t calm down and gives up when he encounters difficulties. Parents don\’t realize that this is a kind of self-defense for children: because if I set my mind to do it and still can\’t do it well, then I am not good enough and not good enough – I am being denied in order to avoid myself. When my parents found out that I was not good enough, I used impatience and irritability to cover it up – the irritability was much less severe than the negation of my whole being. Moreover, being irritable when encountering difficulties also implies impatience with oneself. Instead of waiting for my parents to dislike me, I should dislike myself first, so that the attacks from my parents will not hurt me. As an adult, when I feel that I am struggling to do something and my sense of self-worth is reduced, let alone scolding, a slightly impatient expression from the teacher will make me feel very hurt. When parents face their children\’s problems, the attacks on their children are not as slight as a look. It ranges from judgment and labeling to beating, scolding and corporal punishment. One can imagine how hurt the child\’s heart will be. In order to avoid being hurt, they will devote a lot of energy to paying attention to their parents\’ emotional changes, stay alert at all times, and either defend or escape. In this way, how could he face the difficulties and overcome them with all his heart and soul? Therefore, sometimes when children are irritable and fearful of difficulties, it is not a problem of personality or concentration, but a problem in the relationship between parents and children. Chengzi is 9 years old this year. He has been exposed to many teachers since he was a child.Regardless of whether it is a kindergarten, a school or an out-of-school interest class, the most important criterion for Chengzi to evaluate teachers is: whether they are gentle. Gentleness is actually a kind of \”stability\”. It\’s not just a softness in attitude, it\’s an aura that radiates in the relationship. The child will feel that no matter what I do, no matter how well I do, the teacher accepts me, will support me firmly, and will not judge me, belittle me, or attack me. He will relax, put down his defenses, take his attention away from the adults, put it back on himself, and concentrate on enjoying the learning process. More importantly, when a child sees what the teacher\’s \”stability\” is like and what it is like to be supported steadily, he will subtly internalize it into his own characteristics. He will transfer this experience to his relationships with other people and learn to treat others this way. Invisibly, we teach our children how to behave. This kind of personality shaping and relationship inheritance are more valuable than imparting knowledge. So, as parents, when our children are irritable and easily impatient, how should we be \”steady\”? I carefully understood the teacher\’s \”stability\”. In addition to the fraternity derived from faith, there are many things that we ordinary parents can learn from. \”Stable\” means not demanding results. After class, I communicated with the teacher: \”What I feel most about this class is your patience. I am curious, why can you be so patient?\” The teacher said that he has practiced this set of exercises for several years, and he I have benefited a lot from it, so I hope to share it with more people. However, as for how much we can accept, it’s up to chance. Working hard on the cause and letting go of the result can make your mentality stable. Looking back at ourselves, we are always eager to see the results. We hope that what we say will be immediately understood by our children. Once understood, we can do it immediately, not only do it, but also do it well. I wish I could plant today and harvest tomorrow. If you are not demanding about results, respect your children, respect objective laws, and lower your expectations, you will be less likely to arouse emotions and develop more patience. \”Stable\” means that you are always there to accompany and guide me. During class, when we felt that communication was difficult and impatient, the teacher did not give up, but stayed with us steadily, trying to speak as slowly as possible, considering other ways of saying things, and finding ways to help us understand. So, when a child acts impatient, it actually means he feels helpless and powerless. Can we also use actions to accompany him? For example, when faced with a difficult problem, we can work with our children to find a solution and see what steps it can be broken down into, step by step. If you want your child to persevere, use actions to lead your child to persevere, share your experience of perseverance, and encourage each other, instead of being like a supervisor who only uses small whips of words to drive him away and blame him. \”Stable\” means to be confident and trust your children. If you know what you want, you will not be blown away by the southeast and northwest winds and become anxious, and this anxiety will also be passed on to your children. If you are stable, your children will feel it and their hearts will become more at ease. We must believe that perseverance, calmness and self-confidence are not taught through methods and techniques, nor are they instilled through nagging and blaming, but are the motivation for life that is inherent in a person and is good for the better. All we need to do is giveA stable psychological environment for children to rely on, with encouragement and appreciation, companionship and guidance to awaken this dormant power.