It’s easy to set rules, but 99% of parents don’t know how to enforce them to be effective!

We all know that once the rules and regulations set for children are implemented, they must be implemented to the end and the whole family must abide by them, so that they will be effective. Because only in this way can children really take the rules seriously. However, life is not a textbook. There are always many situations when enforcing rules, and rigid implementation is not the right choice. But how to grasp the so-called flexible execution? Well, today I will share with you my practical experience on this. Three situations indicate that your rules are not implemented reasonably! No one wants to be completely controlled by others and have no autonomy over anything, even if they are just a child. Because after the age of 1, babies\’ awareness of autonomy begins to gradually develop. Their important need for self-development is to have a certain degree of control over themselves and the world around them. Therefore, if you want your children to be happy and abide by the rules, parents must not be so strict that there is no room for maneuver. You have to know that if a child\’s autonomy is suppressed, he will definitely resist or show it in other places: 1. Break the rules as much as we want when we are not around. Sometimes children have the same psychology as adults. The more you are not allowed to do something, the more they want to rack their brains to do it. My mother didn\’t let me eat sweets when she was around, so I would secretly eat them when she was away. My mother wouldn\’t let me play with water, so when she was away, I would get water all over the house. 3. Get into a “power” struggle with us. When a child\’s need for control exceeds his understanding of the rules, he will resist for the sake of rebellion. For example, when the nap time set by the mother comes, the child refuses to go to bed using various excuses such as going to the toilet and drinking water. The mother knows that he is playing tricks to delay the time, and becomes very angry, \”You must go to bed now!\” The child starts Crying and fussing. The mother also got emotional and said, \”Why is this child so disobedient!\” Then the drama started with the mother scolding and the child crying. When it was finally over, more than half of the nap time had passed. 3. Overcompensate when the rules are relaxed. One of my best friend’s children loves to eat salty things, and is particularly obsessed with soy sauce. He likes to dip any food in soy sauce. My best friend said: \”Before the child was 2 years old, I refused to let him eat anything with salt. Now that the child is older, I finally let him go, but I didn\’t expect that after he ate plain beef dipped in soy sauce once, he would eat it every time. My eyes lit up when I saw Soy Sauce. I was so devastated.\” If you want your children to happily abide by and enforce them, parents should set up two types of rules from the beginning. So if you want your children to happily abide by the rules, you must let your children truly Acknowledge rather than simply obey. I suggest that you take two steps: First, when we set up rules, we need to classify them. Otherwise, it will be easy for parents to implement them in confusion, and it will be difficult to grasp the flexibility. At the very beginning, we can divide it into two categories: one category of rules is non-negotiable, and this category is generally related to children\’s safety: for example, you must hold the hand of an adult when crossing the road, you must sit in a safety seat when getting in the car, and you must eat with strangers. We need to ask for our consent before using things for people. The other category is negotiable. For example, you must go to bed before eight o\’clock in the evening, and you cannot drink drinks, etc. In a family, proper discipline requires both types of rules! And with the age of the childgrowth, the proportion of negotiable rules should gradually increase. You want your children to feel that their autonomy is increasing! Of course, each family has different values ​​and educational views, and may have different divisions between negotiable and non-negotiable rules, and this is okay. But I especially want to say that if children feel respected, they will avoid resistance and rebound caused by their lack of autonomy and control. He will follow the rules beyond your expectations. Secondly, even if the rules are non-negotiable, we should deal with them flexibly instead of just telling the children \”No, it just won\’t work.\” For younger children, you can shift your focus and give them a choice. For example, if he refuses to sit in a safety seat, ask him: Do you want your father to restrain you or your mother to restrain you? For example, when you cross the road and a child runs around, you grab him and he will twist around. Don\’t yell at him. You can ask if you want to hold your mother\’s left hand or right hand. For older children, you can explain the reasons behind the rules in detail, or allow them to participate in formulating the rules themselves. If your child refuses to brush his teeth, you can tell him that if you don\’t brush his teeth, bugs will bite your teeth, which will be very painful, and the mother will feel distressed. Or you and he can complete brushing through pretend play (the child is the dentist and you are the patient). Do these three things well and never undermine the effectiveness of the rules. Of course, even negotiable rules are still rules. We should also pay attention to the following three points when making flexible adjustments to avoid completely destroying the effectiveness of the rules. 1. Try to avoid multiple adjustments in the early stages of rule establishment. In the early stages of rule establishment, children\’s understanding of the rules is not yet completely solid. Too many changes will confuse the children: Does this rule need to be implemented or not? When a rule has been implemented stably for a period of time, occasional adjustments are less likely to affect the child\’s consistent understanding of the rule. 2. Do not make adjustments just because the child is crying. For example, we set a rule \”No snacks 1 hour before eating.\” As a result, the child got hungry before dinner and climbed onto the kitchen counter to reach the snacks placed high on his own. When we saw it, we shouted to stop and took the child down. The child refused and shouted \”I want to eat, I want to eat!\” and started crying and making a fuss. We felt that we couldn\’t compromise just because we felt upset, \”Okay, okay, I\’ll let you eat one first this time. No.\” Cry again, do you hear me?\” What the child learns from this is: I only need to cry and make a fuss to stop obeying the rules. 3. When making exceptions occasionally, the prerequisites and extent of adjustment must be clearly stated. For example: \”Today your aunt is getting married, so you can eat a chocolate\”; \”Because grandma came from out of town to see you today, and I know you miss grandma so much, so you can wait an extra half hour before going to bed today\”; \”Today It\’s Xiaoqi\’s birthday, and as an important part of the party, he invites you to play a small game on the iPad with other children, and you can play with them for ten minutes.\” Clear instructions allow children to understand exactly when exceptions to rules can be made and to what extent. In this way, while children feel love and respect, they can still understand where the boundaries are and will notUndermining his entire understanding of the rules.