Jia Zheng’s godson: these 4 taboos you must know

In \”A Dream of Red Mansions\”, Baoyu\’s father Jia Zheng has always been known as a \”strict father\”. He pursues authoritarian education and beats or scolds Baoyu. Although he loves his children, his education methods are inevitably criticized. From Jia Zheng, we can see that in educating children, we must know the following four taboos. Impose your will on your children. Jia Zheng was the grandson of Rong Guogong. He loved reading since he was a child and wanted to obtain fame through his own efforts. However, when his father passed away, \”the emperor showed compassion for his ancestors\” and gave Jia Zheng an additional official position, which was equivalent to being directly recommended without taking the college entrance examination. After years of hard study, he did not want to be in vain because of a God-given opportunity, and his ambition could not be realized, so he pinned his \”imperial examination complex\” on Baoyu, hoping that he could obtain fame in an upright manner and honor his ancestors. Therefore, we see that Jia Zheng\’s requirements for Baoyu\’s study are extremely strict, even to the point of paranoia. It seems that every time father and son meet, Jia Zheng will always reprimand Baoyu for \”neglecting his studies\”. Whenever he heard his father\’s call, Baoyu felt like a thunder exploded above his head, and his face changed greatly with fear. In order to ensure that Baoyu walked on the \”right path\” designed by himself, Jia Zheng even specified what books to read and what homework to do. Before Baoyu went to school, he lectured: \”Even if you read thirty more copies of the Book of Songs, it is just to deceive others and deceive others. When you go to greet the master in the school, just say what I said: Don\’t use the Book of Songs or ancient prose.\” In response to the story, it is important to memorize the \”Four Books\” first.\” However, the more he wanted Baoyu to follow the path he pointed out, the more rebellious Baoyu became. Borrowing Xing\’er\’s words: \”From our ancestors to our second grandfather, who has lived in poverty for ten years? But he doesn\’t like reading.\” Does Baoyu really not like reading? The first time he met Daiyu, the first thing he asked was: \”Has my sister ever studied?\” \”Didn\’t you see him quoting scriptures and scriptures at will during his talent test in the Grand View Garden? He also said: \”Except for the Four Books, there are many fabrications\” and \”There are no books except Mingmingde. They are all books written by saints that the predecessors themselves could not understand. , so he came up with his own ideas and mixed them up. \”It can be seen that Baoyu does not like reading. He has his own thoughts and opinions on reading, but it is inconsistent with Jia Zheng\’s idea of ​​official career and economy. If we look at Baoyu\’s temperament development, he may become an outstanding poet or Artist, because he has the interest, temperament and talent in this area. However, Jia Zheng was blindly autocratic and only cultivated Baoyu in his official career according to his own wishes. He never regarded Baoyu as an independent individual, let alone respect and understanding. I am reminded of a famous poem by Kahlil Gibran: Your children are actually not your children… They came to this world through you, but not because of you. They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. You What you can give them is your love, but not your ideas, because they have their own thoughts. Don\’t impose your will on your children, respect people\’s talents. Children may have a future that exceeds their parents\’ expectations. Lack of companionship for children. Jia Zheng did attach great importance to Baoyu\’s \”education\”. Whenever he met with his children, he would ask and supervise them all about their studies. However, he neglected his children\’s \”education\”. He worked as an official outside all year round and eventuallyThe day was busy with affairs, and when the emperor asked him to take a leave of absence, he gave Baoyu several years of homework before leaving. In addition to reviewing textbooks and learning to write articles, I also need to write ancient posts every day. Without supervision, Baoyu would naturally not be too self-conscious. As soon as Jia Zheng left, Baoyu ignored his father\’s instructions and began to play, form groups and recite poems, becoming more and more free and unorganized. A few years later, when Jia Zheng returned to Beijing, Baoyu knew that his father would have to ask about his homework when he returned. He was so anxious that he had to cram for it. Some of the posts were even copied by sisters such as Daiyu, Baochai, Tanchun, and Xiangyun, but Jia Zheng was not aware of it at all. If Jia Zheng is busy with official duties, it\’s fine that he really doesn\’t have time to spend with his children. When he has time, you can see that he just \”reads books and plays chess, and doesn\’t mind other things.\” As a father, he regards parent-child activities as \”secular things\”. He only cares about his own happiness and has great ambitions to teach his children, but lacks the affection of raising children. Lacking his father\’s company for a long time, we see that Baoyu stayed with the girl, maid, and nanny all day long, so that he showed obvious feminine tendencies and lacked masculinity from his youth. Psychologist Gerdi said: \”The presence of a father is a unique existence and has a special power in cultivating children.\” The characteristics of male confidence, decisiveness, independence and exploratory spirit can only be given by fathers. In addition, due to the infrequent meeting, the psychological distance between Baoyu and Jia Zheng gradually widened. On the reunion day of August 15th, the whole family played drumming and passing flowers. Baoyu felt uneasy because Jia Zheng was sitting there. He was in a dilemma even when telling a joke. He was afraid that if he could not tell a joke well, he would be said to have no eloquence, and if he said it well, he would be scolded for being glib and glib. . It stands to reason that a family should enjoy the festival happily. Baoyu is afraid of his father\’s majesty because of the long-term lack of communication, which creates an emotional gap between father and son. Many times, we are very busy, busy with customers, leaders, and friends, but we only neglect to accompany our children. One day, you will suddenly find that your child has grown up and you are no longer as close as before, only inexplicable alienation. As Yan Rujing said: \”A child\’s life is a TV series, from 1 episode to 20 episodes. He will change slowly. You can make up for it if you don\’t watch the TV series, but you can\’t make up for our children\’s life. If you don\’t watch it, it will last forever. I can’t watch anymore.” It’s easy to give negative comments to your children. Like many traditional Chinese parents, Jia Zheng always had a straight face and was unsmiling. We saw that when he saw Baoyu, he was scolded. When the Grand View Garden project was completed, many plaques were waiting to be named. Jia Zheng wanted to test how Baoyu\’s achievements were progressing, so he ordered Baoyu to inscribe them one by one. Baoyu\’s couplets and poems were excellent, but Jia Zheng either \”sneered\” or \”stopped drinking\”. Baoyu named a farmhouse-style place \”Apricot Curtain in the View\”. Everyone clapped their hands and praised it, but Jia Zheng scolded: \”Ignorant karma! How many ancient people do you know? How many familiar poems can you remember?\” How dare you show off in front of the old gentleman!\” Even though he thought Baoyu performed well in his heart, he didn\’t praise him in his mouth. When Baoyu named a monastery hidden in a bamboo forest \”Youfeng Laiyi\”, everyone praised it, while Jia Zheng nodded while cursing \”beast\” and \”beast\”. It can be seen that his love for BaoyuThe inscription is affirmative in the heart, and even appreciates his talent, but he is unwilling to show it, and is so stingy that he refuses to even give a word of praise. Philosopher James once said: \”The most ardent requirement in human nature is the desire to be affirmed.\” Every child likes to feel recognized and appreciated. This acceptance creates a child\’s sense of self-worth. But Baoyu couldn\’t get recognition from his father. He didn\’t know his father\’s innermost thoughts. He only knew that his father scolded him and didn\’t like him. Therefore, he was afraid of his father. Every time he saw Jia Zheng, he gasped. \”Tone\” means \”getting out of the garden in a flash\”. An inadvertent word of encouragement from parents can often make children full of confidence, but frequent negative comments can destroy not only the child\’s confidence, but also an originally warm parent-child relationship. Every child has a shining point, and first-class parents will never be a bad judge of their children. Pursue violence education. Many parents regard the educational concept of \”filial sons from under the stick\” as a god, and Jia Zheng can be regarded as a typical practitioner. Baoyu secretly befriended Qiguan, an actor in Prince Zhongshun\’s palace, and molested the maid Jin Chuan. Although he made a mistake, Jia Zheng only believed one side of the story. Baoyu was beaten so hard that his \”face was white and weak, and the gauze clothes he wore underneath were all stained with blood.\” \”From the hip to the shin, it was either green or purple, whole or torn, but there was no benefit at all.\” This severe beating did not do any good. There was such an uproar that the entire Jia family came to visit. Mrs. Wang beat her chest and stamped her feet, crying all over the place. Even the old lady was so angry that she was shaking all over and crying. However, the old lady was not angry because Baoyu made a mistake, but because she hated her son\’s violent education method. In her view, when a child makes a mistake, beating alone is useless. Do you think what effect Jia Zheng had after beating Baoyu? Because he needed to recuperate from his injuries, Baoyu could legitimately stop going to school. When his injuries healed, he could start living a leisurely life again. As a result, Jia Zheng\’s purpose of asking him to reflect and repent was not only not achieved, but also delayed his studies. On Zhihu, there is a question like this: What impact will parents spanking their children have? One answer touched my heart: \”I am deeply obsessed with those unpleasant memories, and some of them are particularly uncomfortable when I think about them. It is not that filial sons emerge from under the stick, but sad children emerge from under the stick.\” More Some people say that even if your parents get older and start to respect you and treat you calmly, you will not be able to say \”I love you\” to your parents naturally, and you will not be able to put your arms around your parents and open up to them like friends. With chatting in mind, the dinner table is always particularly quiet. It\’s easy to slap someone in the face, but the mark it leaves on your heart can never be erased. If your child makes a mistake and there is no way to correct it, just beating and scolding will not only fail to achieve the purpose of education, but will also make your child become more and more alienated from you. There is a widely circulated saying: \”Parents are not called parents because they give birth to children, but because they educate their children.\” Being a person is a science; being a parent is a university knowledge. Educate children to avoid these four taboos. Even if children fail to become talented, they will become adults; even if they fail, they will still become useful.