Just like a Qiong Yao drama, what should I do if I have separation anxiety with my children?

Yesterday, when I was riding a bicycle with Zai Zai, I met a grandmother in the community who was taking her cute little granddaughter for a walk. Grandma told me that my granddaughter will go to kindergarten soon. In the past few days, everyone is taking the time to do some psychological development for the baby. Grandma said: \”It\’s the kind of thing that makes the whole family flip flop when the eldest grandson enters the kindergarten. We must not do it again with the little granddaughter!\” I understand what grandma said very well. The scene when his eldest grandson Xiaohui entered the kindergarten every morning, I was there It’s still fresh in my memory now. On the first day of kindergarten, my grandma and mother sent her to the classroom together. When she was about to leave, Xiaohui suddenly ran over from her seat, hugged her mother, and burst into tears: \”Mom, don\’t leave, mom, don\’t leave!\” \”Xiao Hui\’s mother couldn\’t help but her eyes were red, and she said: \”Don\’t cry, baby. Kindergarten is very fun, and when school is over, grandma will come to pick you up and go home!\” The mother said, gently comforting the little one. But her mother\’s comfort obviously didn\’t work. Xiaohui hugged her tighter and cried louder. The few children who had finally calmed down began to sob. Seeing that the situation was about to get out of control, the kindergarten teacher rushed over and pushed her hard. She tried her best to separate Xiaohui from her mother and pushed her mother out of the classroom. Xiaohui\’s mother walked to the entrance of the kindergarten with tears in her eyes. Grandma was waiting anxiously. When she saw Xiaohui\’s mother\’s appearance, she immediately understood the situation inside and couldn\’t help but also have red eyes. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law left with tears in their eyes. kindergarten. The next day, Xiaohui refused to go out. Grandma and mother coaxed and lied to him to get him out. When he saw the kindergarten gate from a distance, Xiaohui suddenly understood, hugged his mother\’s legs, and started He burst into tears, and his mother and grandmother struggled to carry him to the entrance of the kindergarten. Xiaohui refused to go in no matter what, no matter whether his mother patiently comforted her or made harsh words, he hugged her tightly and refused to let go. The child cried, the mother also shed tears, and the grandmother next to her couldn\’t help but also had red eyes. The school gate was full of children in kindergarten. Some children in the small class started crying when they saw Xiaohui crying. Parents could only pick up their children and quickly walked into the school. What makes Xiaohui\’s mother feel embarrassed is that when a baby in the middle class or senior class passes by, Xiaohui asks puzzledly: \”Why is this baby crying so sadly?\” Some mothers will smile and say: \”You still have the nerve to laugh. Others, you cried more miserably than him!\” Some would say: \”What\’s there to see? Let\’s go quickly!\” The most embarrassing answer is: \”Well, you see you are much better behaved than him, right? He doesn’t even cry in kindergarten. He is such a good baby!” “Look at the shame of the child crying at the door of the kindergarten. If you had cried like this back then, I would have thrown you at the door of the kindergarten!” In the end, grandma hugged the child heartily. Hui, let mom go first and say she will take care of it. Mom turned around and walked away reluctantly. Grandma held Xiaohui in her arms and watched her mother gradually walk away. Grandma tried her best to persuade her, and after coaxing her for a while, Xiaohui cried even more fiercely. When grandma saw that there was no other way to go like this, she told Xiaohui to go into the kindergarten to get the quilt back, and then go home. Xiaohui agreed and followed her grandma into the kindergarten. When the teacher saw Xiaohui, he greeted him affectionately and took advantage of Xiaohui not paying attention.Grandma left quickly. It wasn\’t until the afternoon that grandma rushed into the kindergarten to take Xiaohui home. When Xiaohui saw his grandma, he threw himself over affectionately and started crying again. The teacher said that he had been crying for almost a day. At first, he couldn\’t find his grandma and cried loudly for a while. Then he sat quietly by himself and sobbed silently. Nothing you do makes you happy. This made grandma feel bad. She hugged Xiaohui tightly. Xiaohui cried for a while and said, \”Grandma, please help me take off the schoolbag. It\’s so heavy!\” After asking in detail, grandma asked. It turned out that Xiaohui thought grandma was going to take him away and refused to take off the schoolbag. The schoolbag itself was not heavy, but grandma was worried that Xiaohui would not be used to drinking water from the kindergarten, so she put a pot of water in it so that he could carry it all day. Xiaohui naturally couldn\’t bear it. After hearing about Xiaohui\’s performance in kindergarten for two days, Xiaohui\’s father decided to send him off on the third day. However, before it was his turn to perform, Xiaohui started to have a fever that night. The illness lasted a week. When Xiaohui got well, Xiaohui\’s father was on a business trip, and it was his mother and grandma who sent him off again. This time, Xiaohui\’s mother had experience. She had done some ideological work with Xiaohui in advance and talked well at home. Who knew that she would arrive at the gate of the kindergarten? Xiaohui started to cry again, and his mother hugged him and patiently coaxed him. Finally, Xiaohui calmed down, but every time his mother stood up to leave, Xiaohui would hug her and ask: \”Mom, I can\’t bear to leave you.\” !\” After coaxing her back and forth for a long time, grandma finally asked her mother to go first, so Xiaohui turned back three times and reluctantly went in. Xiaohui\’s mother originally thought that such a day would be enough for a month at most. Who knew that this crying would last a year. Every day when she sent Xiaohui to the kindergarten, Xiaohui would cry for half an hour, and finally reluctantly went in. No matter whether mother sent it or grandma sent it, It\’s still the same thing whether it\’s from Xiaohui\’s father. Later, everyone got used to it. Going to kindergarten every day was like a Qiong Yao drama, and they always had to cry loudly as if they were parting from life or death. With Xiaohui\’s failed experience in front of him, the whole family naturally did not dare to neglect the granddaughter\’s entry into the kindergarten, for fear of making the same mistakes again. However, when it comes to separation anxiety in kindergarten, Xiaohui is not the only one who has it. Most babies cry and make fuss when they first enter kindergarten. Some babies don\’t respond on the first day and start crying the next day; some babies start crying from the moment their mother leaves. After confirming that their mother really left, they calm down within two minutes and go find toys by themselves and start playing with them. Get up; some babies continue to cry for a long time after their mother leaves. Of course, there are also babies like Xiaohui who can cry all day long. Whether the baby accepts it with peace of mind or cries and makes a fuss when it enters the kindergarten depends on whether the parents are fully prepared and also on the kindergarten\’s handling attitude. Some parents are better prepared and have taken various preventive measures in advance. In particular, they have specially trained how to separate, and their children will adapt faster. Some kindergartens also consider children\’s anxiety about entering kindergarten and allow parents to accompany their children throughout the whole process when they first enter the kindergarten. They will then gradually separate after the children become familiar with the environment and teachers and classmates. However, there are also many parents or kindergartens who continue the traditional practice of not allowing parents to accompany them, thinking that it is enough to just let their children cry for a few days. When the child appearsWhen he is anxious, is it really okay to just let him cry for a few days? If you observe carefully, you will find that some children actually stop crying after a few days. But stopping crying does not mean that the separation anxiety has been resolved, but it may be that the child has helplessly accepted the reality and expressed it in other forms. For example, some children will suddenly have a fever two or three days after entering the kindergarten, and some will develop symptoms such as colds, coughs, nausea, or diarrhea. Some children\’s health will suddenly become worse after entering the kindergarten, and they will fall ill every three days. It is probably because of entering the kindergarten. Separation anxiety is caused by not properly solving the problem. Separation anxiety in childhood can also accompany children throughout kindergarten, elementary school, and into adulthood. Some people are particularly afraid of being separated from their family members, or are not confident in close relationships. They look very closely on their significant other and check on others in various ways every day. They are afraid that they will be abandoned. This is actually caused by separation anxiety in childhood. A friend of mine said that he couldn\’t stand his wife\’s check-ups. Every time he left, his wife would use various methods to check on him, including phone calls, WeChat, and video calls. Even when he went out to eat and drink with friends, his wife would constantly message him on the phone. Very upset. Finally, after I talked to his wife, I found that his wife suffered from deep separation anxiety. After her separation anxiety was dealt with, her confidence in her husband increased a lot and she no longer checked in casually. Some children are still unable to leave home after entering high school or college, which is also related to separation anxiety. I once met a child who was extremely anxious. She was a freshman and attended a high school that could be day or residential. Day students are required to arrive at school at 6:30 p.m. and go home at 9:30 p.m. The school is about half an hour\’s drive from home. My parents are busy with work and don\’t have the time or energy to pick her up and drop off every day. They are also worried that it is not safe for the girl to go home alone at night. Her parents wanted her to live on campus and come home once a week. When he heard that he was going to live on campus, the child refused to agree and cried and fussed at home every day. He even told his parents that he would rather not study than live on campus. No matter how much parents persuade their children, they won\’t listen. After serious communication with the children and their parents respectively, I found that the child had such a situation because his separation anxiety was not dealt with well in kindergarten. After the child\’s inner separation anxiety was dealt with, the child readily accepted living in school. Therefore, everyone must not underestimate the impact of separation anxiety and seriously treat it as a child\’s growth ritual. Because this separation represents the child\’s growth, is a sign of the child\’s formal entry into society and integration into the collective, and is also a sign of the child\’s growing inner strength. While parents and children celebrate the joy of growth, they also allow themselves to grieve, because from this moment on, the distance between mother and child will become farther and farther! So how do you deal with separation anxiety when entering kindergarten? I have concluded that parents must do these things! 1. Tell your children solemnly every day: We are only separated for a short time. What a child fears most when he has separation anxiety is \”Mom doesn\’t want me anymore!\” The fear of being abandoned can overcome everything. Therefore, in order for a child to overcome separation anxiety, he must let go of his fear. Say goodbye to him solemnly every day, tell him that we are only separated for a short time, and then use detailed time descriptions to let the child know that his mother will come to pick him up when he has finished what he has done. As long as the child knowsIf he was not abandoned, he would not be so repulsive to kindergarten. 2. Hand the child over to the teacher solemnly. After a child goes to kindergarten, he needs someone to rely on. If his mother lets him know that the teacher is trustworthy, and his trust in the teacher increases, he will be more adaptable to the kindergarten. The mother needs to communicate with the teacher in advance and ask the teacher to cooperate. Then tell the child sincerely every day: Mom trusts Teacher XX very much. When Mom is not here, the teacher will care about you just like her mother. If you have any ideas, tell the teacher. Then solemnly hand the child over to the teacher. The child will know that even in a strange environment, he has someone he can trust, instead of being alone! Only in this way can children truly trust their teachers, overcome their inner fears and anxieties, and adapt to kindergarten as soon as possible. 3. If the mother has severe separation anxiety, it is best to use someone else to pick her up when she first enters the kindergarten. Many children\’s separation anxiety is infected by their parents, just like me. Some mothers separated from their children at the entrance of the kindergarten and hugged them for half an hour, still looking reluctant to part with them. This is the result of the mutual influence of separation anxiety between mother and child. In this case, it is best to change the father or grandparents to pick up and drop off the child. Although some children do not want to be separated from their mother, their mood is relatively stable if their mother delivers them. If someone else does it, they will cry and make a fuss. At this time, it is best for the mother to be responsible for delivering them. 4. Accept your child’s emotions and give him adequate support. Separation anxiety needs to be accepted and recognized. The mother can give her child a hug every day and give him some support to let him know that his emotions are accepted and that it is normal to have separation anxiety. When emotions are accepted, children will come out of it faster. When a child is distressed, he must not be treated roughly! Otherwise it will only increase the child\’s anxiety. In fact, separation anxiety does not only appear in kindergarten. Separation anxiety will appear when the child is 6 months old. If the mother handles separation correctly from an early age, the child\’s separation anxiety will be much easier to deal with when he enters kindergarten. Finally, I will share some ways to deal with separation anxiety in babies. 1. Let the children understand that their mother will be back soon. For children who are in the separation anxiety period, the most important thing is to let them know that their mother will be back. The main reason why separation makes children feel anxious is that they worry that their mother will no longer want them. Therefore, it is extremely important for them to adjust to the separation and know that their mother will come back. 2. Let the child adapt to the separation step by step. There is a step-by-step process for the child to accept the separation. At the beginning, the mother can put the baby at the door of the living room or kitchen. The mother can do her own thing and give the baby one or two toys he likes. He can see you while playing. Next, the mother can let the child play alone in one room while she is on call in the next room. As soon as the baby cries, the mother immediately appears in front of her. Let the baby know that even if he can\’t see his mother, he is safe. The mother can then be separated from the child briefly while the grandparents or nanny watch over the child. The mother should say goodbye to the baby solemnly and tell the child: Mom has something very important to do and she has to leave temporarily and will come back in 5 minutes. Then the mother hands the child to someone else and closes the doorleave. Even if the baby is crying and fussing at this time, the mother should not be soft-hearted. After 5 minutes, the mother will open the door and go home. Say loudly to the baby: \”Baby, mom is back!\” When the baby gradually adapts, the mother can gradually extend the separation time to 10 minutes, half an hour, one hour, half a day, one day… 3. Say goodbye to your child solemnly every day. Every time you leave, the mother must hold a very solemn farewell ceremony, hug and say goodbye to the baby, let him understand the mother\’s reluctance, and then let the baby watch the mother leave. This process is very important so that children can treat separation correctly. Of course, this process is very sad at first. The children will cry sadly when they see their mother leave. Many successors will ask the mother to leave secretly because they don’t want to see the children so sad. This method is indeed more stable for the children in the short term. Effective, but in the long run, it is detrimental to the child\’s psychological growth. Some successors use coercion and inducement because they are tired of the children crying, threatening the children: Mommy doesn’t want you anymore. This method seems to have immediate results, but the baby is just frightened and does not fundamentally solve the problem. On the contrary, it may bring more negative effects: for example, it will aggravate the child\’s separation anxiety and make the baby feel more terrified about separation. , and other emotional problems such as being deceived will also occur. The best way is that when the child cries sadly, the successor can hug the child, hold the child, pat his back gently, talk to him, and tell him that his mother is only leaving temporarily and will be there soon. He will come back soon. Talking to his mother on the phone or video chat is also a good solution. These will give the child a full sense of security. Of course, hugs must be moderate. Children are very smart. When they know that if they cry loudly, you will come back and hug them, and they will use this method to delay time. Therefore, every time you decide to leave, leave firmly and come back on time. This will make it easier to establish a good relationship of trust with your children. Ultimately, separation anxiety is a child’s mourning for growing up and leaving home. If we mourn with our children and welcome their growth together, the children will be able to get through this stage of anxiety more firmly and slowly no longer have high regard for their parents. Instead of being attached, I will be attached to the teacher and like to be with the children! When the children grow up day by day, and look back on the days when they cried and cried, even a Qiong Yao drama will give people endless aftertaste!