One morning I went for a walk… One weekend morning, my husband and I took the twins for a walk in the wild. An old woman came towards us with a big wolfdog. This is my biggest embarrassment every time I take a walk because I have \”zoophobia\”. I would feel creepy even if a little chicken approached me, let alone a big wolfdog. I know that the best way to deal with dogs is to ignore them. Firstly, dogs will ignore you, and secondly, I don’t want my fear to affect my children’s feelings about animals. But sometimes when a wolf dog approaches me, I really can\’t control the fear in my heart, so I yell to the dog\’s owner: \”Hurry up and tie up the dog, am I afraid of dogs?\” The old lady took action immediately when she saw this, and He said, \”Don\’t be afraid. Although this dog is big, she is very gentle!\” As soon as I heard this, I became even more angry and thought to myself, \”You people who don\’t understand psychology are really idiots. How can you use your own feelings to measure it?\” How others feel!\” Before I could explode, the old man added: \”If you are afraid of dogs, just let me know in advance. If you had told me earlier, I would have tied the dog up. Not everyone knows that you are afraid of dogs. \”Yes.\” The old man\’s words made me silent. It was such a small thing, but it contained a lot of content. If there is a lack of understanding and communication between people, how many meaningless conflicts will occur. Just imagine, if the old lady didn\’t understand that I was afraid of dogs, not only did she fail to tie up the dog in time, but I yelled at her and she also got angry. Would a peaceful and beautiful morning herald a smoke of gunfire? Just imagine, if she hadn\’t clearly told me that not everyone knew that I was afraid of dogs, would I still be sulking because I wasn\’t understood by others? The grandmother’s words and deeds fully demonstrate her clear understanding of the difference between “self” and “others”. When she heard others express feelings that were different from her own, she expressed her respect for others\’ feelings with her actions; when she reminded me to tell others my feelings, she explained: \”I am not you, and you won\’t tell me if you don\’t tell me.\” How do I know!\” Understanding that \”others\” are not \”self\” allows us to better communicate with others. \”Others are not ourselves\” may sound like nonsense, but in many cases, it is easy for us to think about problems. Mistaking others for seeing or thinking the same as you hinders your communication with the outside world. Since childhood, we have not received systematic humanistic cognitive education about the world. Although there are ideological and moral classes, most of them teach us how to be a good person, but lack the cognitive education on how to become a good person. Most of our generation are only children. Regardless of the economic conditions at home, there are several adults surrounding one child. Most of the time, the adults are constantly adapting to the needs of the children. Growing up in such an environment, \”self-centered\” The consciousness of \”center\” will be infinitely enlarged. \”Self-centered\” consciousness does not mean how selfish you are. Generally speaking, when we come into contact with the outside world, we will understand that the world does not revolve around you alone. The relatively invisible \”self-centered consciousness\” is actually a thinking mode, which is always mistakenlyTreat others as yourself. In fact, this mode of thinking is still very common. For example, I am afraid of dogs. I always subconsciously think that others know that I am afraid of dogs, so I don’t tell others. I also get angry at people who walk their dogs without leashes. I also made the same mistake when getting along with my husband. He leaves early and comes home late every day, and it is my job to get the children to school, so I know everything about the preparations before the children go to school. Once my husband was on vacation, he came to help. Originally, time was very tight. I was busy brushing the children\’s teeth and preparing water bottles. But there he was clearing away the leftover tableware from breakfast. I was really furious and said, \”Are you here to help get the kids to school? It\’s almost late, but you can\’t help at all!\”. My anger is because I regard my husband as myself. Although I think it is obvious, my husband just doesn\’t know! The anger affected me and discouraged my husband. Now every time I need my husband to do something, I give him direct instructions or make him a list. It only takes less than two minutes. It is effective and does not hurt feelings. In fact, there are many such situations in life, especially those closest to you. You always subconsciously treat others as yourself, and when others fail to meet your own requirements, you suffer in vain! The correct way to open up is to tell others your needs directly. The more direct and clear the better. At work, you should also understand the difference between the person you are talking to and yourself. When you are explaining something to someone else, you should consider how to make others understand your intentions better. It does not mean that others understand it just by sending an email or WeChat. This can only Prove that you told others. Effective communication and communication are also essential abilities for people in the workplace! When we understand that even the people closest to us are not ourselves, there is no need for us to be distressed and angry that others cannot meet our needs. Instead, we can communicate more effectively. Understanding the difference between \”self and others\” allows us to be more tolerant of the world. We have received a one-size-fits-all standardized education since childhood. Everyone pursues the same success model. Excellent performance in language and mathematics in school, and then be a good student. Go to a prestigious school, find a good job and make a lot of money. Women need to be beautiful and men need to be rich. We all use the same standards to hold ourselves and treat others. Anyone who violates the standards will be rejected or regarded as alien. The class cadres in the class are all good students, and those with poor grades are considered bad students. When you see people with disabilities or learning difficulties, you can always hear someone whispering. Such a system seems to have standards, but it is easy to put \”self\” against \”others\”. If you see that others are different from yourself or the worldly standards of most people, you will criticize others; on the contrary, if you feel that you are not good in any aspect, If you meet secular standards, you will feel inferior and full of resistance to this world. In fact, in this world, everyone is an independent individual, everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is impossible to have the same standards. Many Children with autism all have talents in art or mathematics. After graduating with a master\’s degree, I worked as a teaching assistant for disabled students in college and met a very smart and diligent German student.Student Christopher, although he has reading and writing difficulties and needs help taking notes in class and typing for exams, he has very clear ideas and the ability to solve problems. He still remembers one of the times I helped him take exams. This assignment achieved the highest score in the whole grade. 5-year-old Ollie has a good friend named Max. He was born with a mutilated hand and only had two fingers. Ollie mentioned this feature when he told me about his friend. He had no doubts or fears, just stating a fact. He I also think this is normal. Why is this happening? Because he has been learning about the similarities and differences between people in this world since he was a child. There is nothing strange about anything. It\’s like the old lady immediately put the dog on a leash when she heard me yelling that I was afraid of dogs. There was no question, no ridicule, only respect. When we understand that the world is composed of different individuals, we will not criticize or hurt others, nor will we belittle ourselves. Instead, we will be tolerant of ourselves and the world. How to help children understand the difference between \”self and others\”. In the early education EYFS (early years foundation stage 0-5 years old) system that is popularized across the UK, one item is \”understanding the world\”, which includes establishing an understanding of people and communities, technology and the Cognition of the world. One of the most important components of the world is human beings and their communities. In the growth standards of this outline, children aged 30-50 months begin to understand that individuals are similar and different from others. This not only allows them to connect with others, but also distinguishes themselves as individuals from others. Children aged 40-60 months can use language to describe the similarities and differences between themselves and others. In the EYFS system, children observe the differences between themselves and others while playing with their peers. Teachers also use communication and games to let children think about what makes them different from others and who their good friends are different from themselves. Same. When conflicts occur in life, teachers will also inspire children to better understand others\’ thoughts and feelings, and encourage them to solve problems through communication and communication. In addition to understanding the differences between individuals, understanding the world also includes understanding the cultural customs of different countries. In the past, whenever Chinese New Year came, I thought that kindergarten or school would hold some related activities to celebrate. In fact, the study of the Chinese Year is a teaching content in British kindergartens and schools. The main purpose is to let children learn and understand different cultures and customs through activities and homework, so as to better understand and tolerate the world. Being able to distinguish the difference between oneself and others is a kind of cognition, and it is also a way of thinking when facing the world. Let our children deal with the world in a more rational and wise way! Learn to communicate and tolerate!