Psychological analysis of children’s dillydallying, wise parents “urge” like this

Every time \”Dalun\” uses this topic to start a chat in the mom group, he will definitely capture a large group of \”comrades\” immediately. Faced with their children\’s troubles, worried mothers can only urge them over and over again. \”It\’s time to go to school, get up quickly!\” \”It\’s time to go out, quickly put on clothes and shoes!\” \”It\’s already 9 o\’clock in the evening, hurry up and do your homework!\” \”It\’s 10 o\’clock, quickly put away the toys and go to bed!\” said To be honest, I couldn\’t understand it at first. I made the time point clear to Ogawa every time, and he agreed every time. Why does it always seem like the same procrastination when doing it? After many arduous tug-of-wars, we finally saw the essence through the surface: preschool children lack time awareness. For them, time is just a very vague concept. We asked him to go out in 10 minutes, but he kept mumbling for a long time. The root of the problem was not that he didn\’t understand the importance of punctuality (of course, children may really not understand), but that he didn\’t know how long 10 minutes was. In other words, it’s not that children can’t be on time, it’s that they don’t know what punctuality is! It’s not that I’m dawdling on purpose, I’m just “living in the moment.” In the world of children, the past and future have limited meaning, and only “this moment” is more important. \”Living in the moment\” is the most true portrayal of them. Babies aged 0-2 years old lack basic time awareness and prefer to rely on their body\’s biological clock to sense time. Sleep when you are sleepy, eat when you are hungry, and play when you wake up. For 3-4 year old children, time is still a very abstract concept. But compared with babies, their understanding of time is one step closer and they can connect daily life with time. A day in a child\’s eyes is not made up of 24 hours, but made up of countless \”little events\”. These small events are connected together, giving them a gradual understanding of the past, present, and future. Breakfast time, play time, lunch time, nap time, reading time, snack time, dinner time… Growing one year old is not a year spent, but eating delicious cakes and blowing out digital candles. For children aged 5-6, time in their eyes is divided more finely, and they can clearly distinguish yesterday, today, and tomorrow. They can know that every little thing happens at a specified time, and some children can even specify the time to what time. For example, a 5- or 6-year-old child often knows exactly when kindergarten starts and ends. But they cannot yet grasp the more detailed concept of time. At this time, it is still difficult to ask them to strictly abide by the time schedule, such as \”Go to school in 5 minutes.\” Therefore, if you want to cure your children\’s \”dilly-dallying\”, you must first help them establish a correct concept of time, and then teach them to manage their own time. Let us know in advance and leave enough buffer time. Babies have a natural ability to focus. If we suddenly forcefully interrupt what they are doing, they will definitely cry and make a fuss. Therefore, if you want to successfully transfer a baby before the age of 3 from one activity to another, you must give him enough time to adapt to such changes. The simplest way is to tell him in clear language the two things to do before and after. For example: we have to go to bed first, and then we can play with building blocks after we wake up.For example: the baby and mother can watch \”My Mom\” ​​again, and after watching it, go to take a bath. Such verbal reminders can allow children to establish psychological expectations for the change from event A to event B. There won’t be huge emotional swings when changes occur. If you feel that verbal reminders are not effective, you can also prepare a small timer or a small alarm clock that is easy to carry with you. Make an appointment with your child for a time to take action, and remind him at several points in between. To change the idea, use \”events\” to mark the time after 3 years old. The child\’s understanding of time is always closely connected with the \”events\”. Therefore, we can help children write down all the things of the day and help them understand how they spent their day. For children who cannot read, we can draw what they have to do every day. For children in the literacy stage, the form of \”drawing + text\” can be used. You can also divide your day into chunks, such as morning and evening. Such \”memorable events\” can let children clearly know what they have done on this day or this period of time, and let them understand that every little thing takes time to complete. In addition, doing so can also cultivate good living habits in children, killing two birds with one stone. After learning to manage time, prioritize 5- and 6-year-old children. They already have a clear concept of time past, present, future, years, months, days and even more detailed time divisions. But they still struggle with specific things, so you need to help them learn to manage time. A year ago, I began to try to subtly pass on to Ogawa the four-quadrant ideas of time management by Dr. Stephen Covey (I have used Amway countless times, and especially admire his \”7 Habits of Highly Effective People\”). . According to the two dimensions of \”important\” and \”urgent\”, Dr. Covey divided activities/work into four quadrants to determine their priority: urgent but not important, important and urgent, important but not urgent, and not important but not urgent. I often tell Xiaochuan: something as important and urgent as \”going to school\” must be done first despite all difficulties. Reading, playing with toys, etc. must make way for it. Things like \”putting on clothes and shoes\” may not be important, but they become urgent because we need to go out immediately, and we must do them quickly. Things like \”reading a book\” are very important but don\’t have to be done immediately. Although you can wait, you must plan the time and then do it step by step and practically. In order to implement the idea of ​​​​the four quadrants, we can guide children to make a to do list (schedule). Together with your child (the child is more likely to implement the plan if he or she participates in it) write down what must be done tomorrow (next week), either in chronological order or in priority. It is best to make two copies and stick them on the door and bedside. In the process of making a to do list, children will gradually learn to plan and arrange time reasonably. Make it clear when and what he should do. The resulting sense of task will encourage children to be more active in completing the activities on the schedule. In the execution stage, the to do list can guide children\’s actions.. Children can easily judge the order and priority of things from the schedule, and know what to do now to ensure that the task is completed.

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