Reasonable parents are the most incompetent

Reasoning is probably the most common method used by parents. But we often find that the more parents like to be reasonable, the more disobedient their children are! I have a friend whose child has been very rebellious recently. He doesn\’t like to be clean. He wears white pants when he goes out and black pants when he comes home. Later, my friend secretly watched from behind and found that the child sat on the floor everywhere regardless of whether it was dirty or not. My friend came home angrily and gave the child a lesson, but it was of no use. The child still came home dirty every day. Over the weekend, she took the child back to her parents\’ home and cried to the child\’s grandmother. After the grandmother comforted her daughter, she called her granddaughter over and changed into a pair of pants. Then, a lifelike, white bunny was embroidered on the hip pocket of the old pants. The child liked it so much that he put it on immediately. He even twisted his neck to look in the mirror. He always wanted to see the little white rabbit a few more times, but it only lasted for three seconds. After playing for a while, he habitually wanted to sit down again, but he couldn\’t. To the friend\’s surprise, the child stopped this behavior after thinking about it, and carefully patted the bunny on the back, for fear of getting a little dust on it. My friend was so surprised that he came back and told us this story with great excitement. While everyone was impressed by the old lady’s educational wisdom, we also understood to some extent the reason why the child was “disobedient”. Being reasonable is not education. Many parents equate education with being reasonable, but most of them still only talk verbally, telling their children what is right and what is wrong. However, in terms of right and wrong, in children\’s cognition You may not really understand. Adults\’ understanding of truth often stems from inertia of thinking. If parents themselves grew up in a \”big truth\” environment, they would be more likely to become \”truth lovers.\” The starting point of educating children is: \”I understand\” and \”you don\’t understand.\” Because I love you and have an obligation to educate you, I need to tell you what is right and what is wrong. This is a purely informing process. In this process, many parents do not take into account the understanding ability of their children. Children do not understand what parents say and must obey their parents, which will eventually lead to rebellion and disobedience. Influence on children\’s critical thinking ability There are many people in life who like to \”argue against each other\”. They often subconsciously refute each other and refuse to admit their mistakes in understanding. Surprisingly, they often also have parents who love to argue, but what exactly is \”arrogance\”? I am trying to reason with you, and you have to accept the truth I tell you. Does it feel exactly the same as \”Great Principle Education\”? Therefore, always using \”principles\” to educate children is not only difficult to achieve results, but also affects some of the children\’s personalities. The first one to bear the brunt is listening ability. Even if what others say makes sense, it will be difficult for him to listen, and he instinctively rejects being \”told\” about it. If things go on like this, thinking is not only not honest enough, but also difficult to deepen, and thinking will gradually become superficial. The second is that they lose interest in understanding others and are only interested in how to overwhelm others and gain the upper hand in discussions. Their thinking is never on how to think, but on how to refute every word of others. Unlovable communication methods and insufficiently in-depth dialectical thinking are all stumbling blocks for children\’s growth. Education must also use your brain, no matter who you areAdmit it or not, simply \”reasoning\” is laziness in thinking in education. The only difference between beating and scolding children is that one involves physical suppression and the other involves mental suppression, both of which use brute force. Of course, education that is unwilling to use the brain will have little effect, and education itself should be a more sophisticated project. The educationally wise grandmother mentioned earlier is a model worth learning from. 1. Let the children experience the truth for themselves. It is not feasible to explain the truth to the children in vain, but it is another thing to let the children feel the truth for themselves. For example, what if a child always comes in without changing his shoes and leaves the floor dirty? Parents may wish to teach their children the task of mopping the floor once, and then ask the children: \”Are you tired of mopping the floor?\” If the child answers that they are tired, they can ask: \”Mom, what will happen if you step on the floor and make it dirty now?\” Aren\’t you going to be very angry?\” If you are more reasonable, the child will be more accepting. If the child deliberately resists the parent and refuses to answer the question, the parent can be a little more careful and ask the child if the child is not tired. If the task is left to you, would it be okay to do it once a day? Wait. Be patient and negotiate with the child rather than being sincere. It\’s much more effective to speak truth. 2. Be consistent in words and deeds. \”Education without words\” has a very long history in our country, and it is also a widely recognized method. However, when it comes to the need for education, some parents begin to selectively ignore this point. The parents\’ fault If you are unorganized and require your children to have a neat schoolbag, it will be difficult for your children to accept this kind of education. Only when parents accept these \”big principles\” and practice them for their children can the children truly internalize and absorb the \”big principles\” and become part of their own personality. When the principles are accepted and practiced by the children, this process can be called Education, otherwise, is nothing more than a blunt informing process. 3. Find another way. When something doesn\’t make sense, you might as well use your brain and come up with a small solution. The grandmother who embroidered the white rabbit before is a good example. There was also a parent on the Internet who was troubled by the problem of his child sliding down the handrail with his arms when going downstairs. The sleeves were easily stained and worn out. Later, an expert came up with an idea: You and your child each use a rag to hold the handrail from top to bottom. After wiping them all, the children were satisfied with the fun of using their hands and feet to go downstairs, and they also did charity. The parents suddenly realized. Therefore, when it makes sense and does not make sense, you can refer to these examples. Instead of educating children to solve the problem, you can use \”little tricks\” such as diverting the child\’s attention and giving the child reasons to achieve the parent\’s goal without having to teach the child a lesson. Worrying, you can also get \”additional\” educational effects, so why not do it.