The best education is not to be a perfect mother

I wonder if mothers have such a feeling? After having children, I can’t help but feel anxious: “Anxious that my parenting techniques are not scientific enough”, “Anxious that I have not created better learning conditions for my children”, “Anxious that I have not done enough for my children…” Facing learning , I am worried that I am pushing my children too hard, and I am also afraid that I will fall behind every step because of my temporary relaxation. When it comes to personality development, we not only hope that our children will be obedient and sensible, but we are also afraid that they will not know how to refuse to be bullied. So much so that a school in Hangzhou had to issue a reminder – \”Anxious mothers are strictly prohibited!\” 15 high-scoring baby education books recommended, which can be called life textbooks. Behind the worry about gains and losses, it is the mother who strives to cultivate herself to perfection for the sake of her children. . But do children really need such a perfect mother? Chinese women: perfect mothers under the filter. Psychological counselor Huang Yuling told a story. There is such a mother who insists on the concept of \”good education should release the child\’s nature\”. I never blame my children. Even if my children lose their temper, I will patiently accept all their emotions. But in this state, the child became more and more naughty and rebellious, and did not develop in the way she expected. This mother fell into self-doubt, but did not dare to express her dissatisfaction. She suffered from depression due to the emotional internal conflict day after day. I worry that my emotions will have a bad impact on my children, so I would rather aggrieve myself than maintain superficial harmony. The excessive pursuit of \”100-point mother\” is like putting on a mask for mothers, making them blurred and lose themselves. In the hit drama \”Our Marriage\”, Shen Huixing, a working mother played by Bai Baihe, personally tore off the filter of the perfect mother. In order to balance work and family, she became a \”time management guru\”. Faced with the dilemma of working overtime at the company and having no one to take care of her children, she sneaked home on the pretext of going to the toilet. When her husband came back, she ran all the way back to the company and continued working until late at night. Even though the days of running back and forth are very hard, Shen Huixing still works hard to support and be a good mother. But if the string is stretched too tight, it will eventually break. One day, she prepared a meal for her children and turned around to start cleaning without taking a bite. With a \”pop\” sound, the two children got into a big fight over a chicken leg and threw the bowl on the ground. She hurried over to clean up, but the garbage bag she picked up was torn again, and broken food and bowls were scattered on the floor. The accumulated fatigue, the messy home, the noise of the children…all this made Shen Huixing collapse. She couldn\’t help but lost her temper at her child. After calming down, she thought of what her mother said: \”You don\’t have to demand perfection in everything. You can be a more relaxed mother.\” It\’s not that mothers don\’t have fragility, it\’s just that those fragility are hidden. Under the shell of identity. While social cognition praises mothers as \”great\”, it also places almost harsh demands on them. They can only play multiple roles each, switching back and forth between employees, nannies, drivers, and tutors. Since I couldn\’t work overtime at the workplace, I had to work at the entrance of the training class and in the rest area of ​​the playground, working wherever possible. Tutoring homework becomes \”overcoming the tribulation\”, and the faceFor children who are scratching their heads and having their blood pressure soar, they have to control their emotions. Under the halo of a \”100-point mother\”, there is an ordinary mother who uses infinite maternal love to support the growth of her children. A 100% mother cannot raise a 100% child. The sad thing is that even if you become a perfect mother, you may not be able to raise perfect children. The Weibo topic #parents are academically superior and their children are poor academics#, which tells the story of many high-achieving families’ plight. My mother went all the way to get a Ph.D. from a prestigious school, and my father was a master of academics who skipped several grades. However, my son had difficulty getting into undergraduate school. The mother once won prizes in national physics competitions, but her daughter often failed in physics. She pinned her hopes on a second child, but her son\’s grades were even worse… Scientist Francis Galton explained this as \”reversion to the mean.\” Anything that deviates from the average, there is always a force that brings it back into balance. Even if you are a genius mother, your child may be an average person. Even if you give 100% of your love, you may not be able to get 100% of your children back. In the variety show \”The Boy Who Opens His Heart\”, there is a capable mother who is \”in charge\” of her children\’s food, clothing, housing and transportation. From preparing breakfast to feeding the child, wiping his mouth, brushing his teeth, and putting on his shoes, she was busy like a top, and the child didn\’t even have to stretch his hands during the whole process. As a result, the 8-year-old son has basically zero life skills. He cannot dress himself, tie his shoes, and is not even used to using chopsticks. In school, children often get laughed at by their classmates because of their poor ability to take care of themselves, and become very depressed. He felt from the bottom of his heart: \”I can\’t do anything without my parents.\” Mothers are often too \”selfless\” and always think that the more they give, the better for their children. But they forget that while removing all obstacles for their children, they also squeeze out their children\’s room for growth. Dr. James, an authority on American education, said: Parents and children are like a 100-point combination. When you get 90 points, the child only gets 10 points; a parent with perfect points is definitely not a successful parent. Behind every incompetent child, there is an all-powerful mother. When I was a child, I chased after feeding, when I grew up, I helped with homework, and when I became an adult, I worried about my children\’s career and marriage. I wish I could do everything for my children, but I forget to teach them to \”take responsibility for themselves.\” As a result, the more capable the mother is, the lower the child\’s sense of existence and the longer the child becomes, the more incompetent the child becomes. The best mother is to be the \”co-pilot\”. In the field of parenting, psychologist Zeng Qifeng put forward a classic view: \”The best mother is 60 points.\” A good mother does not have to be omniscient and dominating in everything, but knows how to love herself and set an example for her children. Huang Meifang in the documentary \”The Second Time in Life\” is such a \”60-point mother\”. 42-year-old Huang Meifang is a female assembly line worker who has worked hard in Shenzhen for 6 years. For the future of her children, she decided to obtain a diploma and save her points to settle in Shenzhen. It was really a huge challenge for Huang Meifang to go out to work after graduating from high school and pick up books again in her forties. After work, she also has to take care of housework and supervise her children\’s homework. It wasn\’t until everyone in her family was asleep that she had time to sit at the dinner table whileStudy online courses by yourself while taking careful notes. Sometimes, she has to take the subway for two hours to go to a teaching point far away from home to participate in offline learning. In those years, Huang Meifang rarely rested before 12 midnight, and had to start her busy day again at 6 am. In this way, she obtained a college diploma, obtained a bachelor\’s degree, and became a \”line leader\” from a front-line female worker. Influenced by Huang Meifang, her son stopped being playful and devoted himself to studying. He would go to school before 6:30 every day for self-study and arrange his study tasks for the day, without adults having to worry about him. When I get home, I study with my mother. Sometimes when I see my mother playing with her mobile phone, I will deliberately joke: \”Isn\’t it said that you live and learn, why don\’t you continue to study?\” Without a high degree of education, nor a good material life, ordinary people Mother Huang Meifang teaches her children the most important lesson in life through her own actions: As long as you don\’t give up on self-growth, you have the opportunity to change your life. A truly wise mother knows how to live like a beam of light, illuminating the direction for her children. When the children grow up and go on the road alone, they will be able to steer their own lives and successfully navigate through wind and rain. No one is perfect, not even good moms. She will make mistakes accidentally, lose her temper occasionally, and cannot satisfy every wish of her child…but she will definitely make her child feel loved and valued. French educator Rousseau wrote in \”Emile\”: The best education is the education of doing nothing. This is exactly the parenting wisdom of a mother with a score of 60, that is, she will not completely let go of her children, nor will she pay too much attention to them. Give your children the right to experience and choose life, provide appropriate guidance and be tolerant enough, and at the same time manage your own life with care, and run towards a better future with your children. Click to take a look. Education needs to be left blank, and children also need space to grow. To be a good mother, 60 points is enough.