The best way to train children lies in these \”Four Releases\”

I once heard a saying: \”The excellence of children is soaked in the sweat of their parents.\” Parents are the ferrymen of their children\’s lives. Outstanding children strive for family education! Education is actually not a process of \”picking up\”, but often requires putting it down. We need to let go of blame, let go of expectations, let go of comparisons, and let go of our low self-esteem. Every time you let go, your child will grow up. Let go of blame There is a hotly discussed topic on Zhihu: Why don’t you dare to tell your parents when you are hurt? In every answer, there is a child\’s unexplainable pain. One of the netizens said: Because my dad will scold me first. Regardless of whether it is right or wrong, he will first deny me and then add all kinds of scolding. The comfort I originally longed for turned into hurt again and again. Finally, he said desperately: If I were not in a situation where I was going to die, I would not even communicate with them. Should I buy the 9854-song mp3 collection + catalog of the Chinese traditional Chinese music machine for my children? The \”they\” in the children\’s mouth are the dearest parents who give them life and care for their growth! Why has the person I love the most turned into the person I hate the most? The root cause lies in: blame. If your children do something wrong, blame them; if your children fail to meet their expectations, blame them; or even just because you have encountered something unpleasant, you still have to blame your children. Those young children carry too many expectations, too much pressure, and too heavy a burden on their weak shoulders. In the end, all this will only crush the child. There was once news that a 13-year-old girl in Hangzhou found smoke coming from her home in the early morning. She was afraid of being criticized by her parents, so she closed the door and went to the living room to continue sleeping. It wasn\’t until the parents smelled a strange smell and discovered a fire in their home that they called the police. Under the news, some netizens said: This 13-year-old child must have experienced \”fear of blame\” countless times before this. Home is the warmest haven for children, but children would rather carry it on their own than talk to their parents. How much grievances are hidden in their hearts? There is a concept in psychology called \”internalization phenomenon\”, which means that children unknowingly believe their parents\’ negative evaluations of themselves and transform these extremely bad evaluations into negative perceptions of themselves. As a result, they will become accustomed to denying themselves, and gradually become inferior, timid, and unconfident. As parents, we should put away our emotions, give our children more encouragement and less blame, and use warm and powerful love to let our children feel a sense of security and build a warm and loving personality. In the documentary \”How We Fight Depression\”, \”Let Go of Expectations\”, a senior high school girl Zhong Hua, the reason why she suffers from depression is inseparable from her mother\’s high expectations. The mother wants her daughter to be top-notch in everything and to be admitted to world-famous schools like Harvard or Stanford in the future. When her daughter took the third place in the class, she wanted to be praised by her mother, but her mother asked her daughter, \”Who is the first place?\” When her daughter took the first place in the class, her mother was not satisfied either, and she would still Asked: \”Who is number one in grade? What\’s your rank in grade?\” Zhong Hua\’s mother\’s high standards gave Zhong Hua no sense of accomplishment in reaching his goals, and he felt that no matter how hard he worked, he would never be recognized by his mother. The harder parents push, the more anxious their children becomeconsider. Her parents\’ high expectations were like a big hand tightening around Zhong Hua\’s neck, making it hard for her to breathe and crushing Zhong Hua. Psychological counselor Zhou Xiaokuan once said: For children who have been overly expected for a long time, on the one hand, they will \”force\” themselves to meet the \”well-intentioned expectations\” of others; on the other hand, if they are unable to fulfill this expectation, they will It will cause stress, guilt, self-blame, and ultimately, you will be trapped in negative emotions from which you cannot escape. At the end of the documentary, since Zhong Hua fell ill, her mother finally woke up. She understood the heavy pressure that high expectations brought to her daughter. She learned to do subtraction, which made the entire family environment more relaxed, and Zhong Hua also got out of depression. Let go of your expectations for your children, understand their differences, and respect their growth rhythm; let go of your obsession with your children\’s achievements, view your children\’s growth correctly, and break big goals into small goals, which will make it easier for your children to achieve; let go of your anxiety about your children, Instead of focusing on your children, it’s better to work on improving yourself. Only when parents let go of their expectations and give their children enough love and respect will their children have more room to grow. Let go of comparisons. A 13-year-old boy in Nanjing ran away from home. The reason turned out to be that his grades were not satisfactory, and his father always compared himself with other children, which made the boy feel a lot of pressure and his father did not love him. No child likes to be compared. Parents\’ behavior of \”praising the superior and suppressing the inferior\” is actually the poison that hurts their children the most. A 15-year-old boy in Nanchang committed suicide by jumping into a lake. This boy is studying in a technical secondary school in Nanchang. He has a very outstanding brother at home, and his parents always ask him to be like his brother. But no matter how hard he tried, he was still far behind his brother. The comparison between his parents put heavy pressure on the boy. He suffered from severe depression and even cut his wrists to hurt himself. Writer Liu Yong once said: \”Those children who live in the shadow of being compared with each other by their parents cannot feel the respect, affirmation and appreciation of their parents. Their hearts are like a barren and desolate land, lacking The vitality and vitality that originally belonged to a child.\” The original intention of parents comparing their children is to stimulate their children\’s ambition and make them better by \”setting an example\”, but it will inadvertently interfere with the children\’s own judgment and destroy them. The child\’s sense of self-worth. Children who are compared lack self-identity and are more likely to deny themselves subconsciously; children who are compared feel that they are not good enough, not outstanding enough, and are not worthy of their parents\’ love; children who are compared have a thorn in their hearts, where they have low self-esteem. You can\’t find it in the mire. Excellent children are never judged by comparison. Children need approval and acceptance from their parents. American female scientist Barbara McClintock once said: \”I am a daisy in autumn. I believe that not every flower blooms in spring.\” Every child is unique. Parents put aside comparisons, accept their children\’s true appearance, and see their children\’s shining points, so that children can grow freely and live out their own selves. In the Indian movie \”First Dream\”, Raghav\’s parents are both top students, and his father has high hopes for him. After his son\’s results came out, he learned that his son failed the college entrance examination. His father did not criticize or accuse him. He only said one thing: \”If you didn\’t pass the exam this year, you will take the exam again tomorrow.\”Overwhelmed, Raghav jumped from a tall building and completely freed himself. Looking at his dying son in the ward, his father began to reflect on his education. Although he did not say a harsh word to his son, he invisibly put heavy pressure on his son. He realized that if we want to enter the world of children, we need to squat down. When Pathak\’s father leaned down, opened his heart to his son, and faced his son as equals, his son understood his sincerity, and also untied the shackles of \”cannot fail\” and began to search for the true meaning of life. Many parents are accustomed to treating their children with a \”top vs. bottom\” attitude, but discipline from above does not work. Leaning down and listening to the child\’s voice can win the child\’s heart. Listening effectively means letting go of parental authority, communicating with children on an equal footing, and letting children feel respected by their parents. When your child is sad, listen to your child\’s voice and allow your child to express his or her inner grievances. None of us are perfect parents. If you accidentally hurt your child, please put down your dignity and apologize to your child immediately. A child who is treated equally by his parents has a rich heart and is more likely to gain happiness. A good education is to lower your stance and see the world from a child\’s perspective, allowing children to gain the power to grow through acceptance. Loving children is a parent\’s instinct. How to love children correctly is a lifelong issue for every parent. As parents, we all want to give our children the best education. So, what is a good education? In today\’s era of involution in education, behind outstanding children there must be parents who are willing to let go. Less blame, more encouragement; less expectation, more peace; less comparison, more tolerance; less stature, more equality. The more parents can let go of these four things and let their children grow like wildflowers, the better their children will become.