The child lost his temper again! Don\’t worry, this is a good thing

Recently, my son\’s temper has gotten louder again. He always looks dissatisfied, which sometimes makes us unable to guard against it. It was still sunny just now, but things change at any time. Just the night before, his mother and I took him to the warehouse to pack books for distribution. Every time he went there, he would choose his own books and sit under the lamp and read them by himself. And we just packed up and went about our own business. But this time he said he would post the express delivery order, and I wholeheartedly agreed and encouraged him to do more things. But my wife probably didn’t hear clearly and just posted the order casually. When he put down his book and ran over to post the order. I found several sheets that had been posted on the floor. In an instant, the weather turned from sunny to stormy, with tears and snot in my eyes. I said, \”There are still many things to post, so I\’ll post them for you.\” \”No! I don\’t.\” \”What should I do?\” \”Tear it off and reattach it.\” He wanted to tear it off and reattach it. \”Then this won\’t work, because if you tear it off, you can\’t use it.\” I gave my reasons, but to no avail, the crying became louder and louder. My wife wanted to take action, but she felt that the boy was being unreasonable. I quickly stopped him and told him to wait and let him cry for a while. \”It\’s his freedom to cry. It\’s okay to lose his temper.\” I wanted him to vent his dissatisfaction first. After all, it was the failure to do what we promised. At this time, there are generally three methods: one is to suppress violently, don\’t cry, shut up. This is the most commonly used method by many parents because it is very effective, immediate and trouble-free. Another way is to let the child cry and ignore it until he is tired of crying. This method requires parents to have a lot of patience, because hearing their children cry will arouse many negative emotions in parents. The last way is to actively communicate with the child, divert attention, and analyze emotions. This method should be the favorite of children, but it has very high requirements on parents. Because it requires patience, dealing with it, and diverting attention. In addition, you need something to talk to your children. I\’ll give it a try. I said that when you cry like this, you really look a bit like Arthur (this is the protagonist in a picture book he has read). Are you going to destroy the earth? At this point he became interested, but still cried. There happened to be a copy of \”Jerry\’s Calm Space\” on the table. I picked it up and said, \”Would you like me to tell you a storybook?\” \”No, I won\’t listen, it doesn\’t sound good.\” He usually seizes every opportunity to ask me to tell stories. I read one sentence and put it down. I couldn\’t force him, but I could attract his attention. \”I think Jerry is better than Arthur. Why do you think that is?\” He looked at me sideways. \”Because Arthur only knows how to lose his temper, the universe is destroyed, but Jerry not only loses his temper, he can also control his temper. How does he do it?\” The son will listen at this time, and his crying will become smaller. But won\’t answer yet. \”I remember that I went to space and made a spaceship out of boxes.\” \”No, no, I drew a spaceship.\” \”Oh, you remember it very accurately. Let me see if it is like this.\” At this time, he basically changed from anger to peace. Of course there will still be some rejection, but at this time you can tell him again the reasons why you can\’t do it. Finally, he quietly posted a few notes himself. Instead of being beaten, an emotional conflict was resolved through guidance. My wife said who does this stubborn temper look like? I said it\’s like you. Didn\’t his grandma say that when you were a child, you would always laugh when you cried? He arrivesYou haven\’t jumped up yet. Be patient and accept your child\’s emotions. Don\’t worry, this is a good thing! Emotional development is a long-term process, and the most critical period is the early childhood stage. Developmental psychology believes that the rules of emotional expression are actually a bit like the application rules of language: children must learn and use them in order to get along with others and gain recognition from others. This learning occurs much earlier than we think. In infancy, children as young as 7 months old will have a rich range of facial expressions to express their emotions. Children generally cannot hide their true feelings. So he will act more irritable and look incredible. What seems simple to us is unacceptable to them. For example, when receiving a disappointing gift, adults will usually accept it silently. But the child will pout and refuse, and may even cry. Adults are puzzled: It’s good to have a gift, why should it be like this? Are you spoiling him too much? In fact, children will feel that if they don’t like it, they just don’t like it. What my son often says every time he goes to color is, \”I can draw whatever I want.\” And when I ask him to choose a storybook to tell, he will also say, \”I can read whatever I want.\” Which one?\” A small child will have great self-esteem. As self-awareness develops, it becomes stronger and stronger. So sometimes, you see some kids throwing tantrums over which pair of shoes they are wearing. It is obviously a hot day, but the children have to wear thick caterpillar shoes to go out. And sometimes I wear a pair of shoes for weeks without changing them. Parents are often at a loss. any idea? Many times there is really no choice but to leave it to time. When we say, \”Take your time, kid,\” we need to really mean it. Because the child will tell you \”Mom, wait for me\”, this is the child\’s voice. See what kind of tantrums the children have? In emotional conflicts, we all know that a slap in the face cannot make a difference. Children cannot lose their temper for no reason. Generally there is a cause and effect. I can roughly sum up the following types: You don’t understand me, I’m angry that you control me, and I’m unhappy. I am in a bad mood and want to lose my temper. The main reason is probably my parents. Parents are like triggers, triggering emotional reactions in their children. Be more understanding, tolerant, and respectful, and you will be calmer and your children will benefit too. Accepting children\’s negative emotions requires more patience and grace from parents. It reflects the level and cultivation of parents. The kids laughed and we laughed. When the child cries, we stay with him. No one can live a life with a smile. It is more important to learn to face and control negative emotions. And compared with boys, girls are more willing to follow some rules. For example, if they behave well in school, they can get more praise from teachers. They are better able to understand what behaviors approved by adults look like, and they work hard to do it and get recognition. . Boys, on the other hand, tend to behave incomprehensibly and are even more direct and impulsive in expressing their emotions. Therefore, if there are boys in the family, parents have to spend more time on emotional guidance and need more patience. Children always lose their temper, which is closely related to your mood. Because emotions are contagious, when a child is always in a family environment full of negative emotions, whether the emotions are directed at him or not, the child will show many difficulties.To regulate negative emotions. In a family, for example, if a mother gets along with her children for a long time, then in the mother-child interaction, the mother\’s emotions will be more positive, and she will express more happy and calm emotions than negative emotions. Such children will be better able to control their own disappointment and other of disappointment. Because children see their mother\’s positivity and optimism, they will also be infected by these emotions. If there is a conflict with a friend outside, such children will tend to be more easy-going and less aggressive. It is also easier to gain acceptance from other children and integrate into the group more quickly. Parents should work hard to help their children recognize and understand emotions. There is a keyword called empathy, which is an emotional management tool that can last a lifetime. People with this ability tend to have higher emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to experience the same emotions as others. This is a relatively high-level ability, and generally requires older children to use it skillfully. But it begins to develop when the child is 4-5 years old. The best way is to frequently communicate with children about their emotional experiences to help them understand emotions and develop empathy. Psychologists have found that children who are better able to process their emotions by the age of six or seven tend to have more frequent emotional discussions with their parents early on. This discussion may occur right during or after the child is having a tantrum. It may also be after the parents themselves have just lost their temper or had an argument with someone. Of course, we must put an end to using violence to fight violence, and we must not let it go. But \”move with emotion, understand with reason\”. It should be noted that this emotion is in front of reason. Don\’t always be reasonable, but put more thought into \”emotion\”. First, we must manage our own emotions, then slowly help children recognize emotions and understand the emotions of others, and finally let children develop the ability to manage their own emotions. Of course, many times, when you beat your child with violence to make him docile, your child will forgive you when you turn around. But don\’t be complacent and think that just because you love your children, you can do whatever you want. In the name of love, countless children have been destroyed. Sometimes, the child\’s physical body is not injured, but the psychological trauma is silent. Young children are quick to forgive erring parents. But as adults, we must constantly reflect on ourselves. This is a long and arduous practice.