The impact of parents quarreling on children is beyond your imagination…

I saw this scene in the community a few days ago: a young couple was taking a little girl about 3 years old for a walk. The girl\’s father dragged a scooter and said to the little girl: \”Come up, dad will drag you along.\” The girl got on the scooter, and her father pushed hard. I don\’t know whether it was because the little girl didn\’t sit firmly or because the father used too much force. The little girl slipped to the side, fell down, and immediately burst into tears. I thought the next step would be for the father or mother to help the little girl up quickly, but the plot development that followed was far beyond imagination. The girl\’s mother yelled: \”What\’s the matter with you? Why did you drop the child!\” Then the father also exploded: \”You must be sick! I didn\’t mean it!\” The verbal battle between the two began. , you said something to me, and started a high-decibel quarrel that no one was watching. The most speechless thing was that during this period, the child was still sitting on the ground crying miserably. I was too embarrassed to keep watching the fun. When I walked about fifty meters away, I heard the girl\’s father shouting: \”Hurry up and help the child up! It\’s noisy!\” The child\’s mother completely ignored it and continued to attack. The father was also unambiguous and immediately answered. trick. I had already walked a long way, and I heard the couple cursing and picking up the sobbing child, and then continued walking while cursing. These parents were able to ignore the crying child on the ground and put the quarrel first. They were really \”selfless\” in the quarrel, but they looked completely like two unreasonable children who used the simplest and crudest method to communicate. Since the parents are still children who have not grown up, how should the children of the \”children\” deal with themselves? This is a disaster for both parents and children. On the battlefield where adults are filled with smoke, children have turned into cannon fodder. As parents, we need to know that quarreling simply to vent emotions is the most meaningless form of communication. I remember that one issue of \”Qi Pa Shuo\” talked about the topic of single mothers. As a child raised by a single mother, Dong Jing admitted that the years when her parents lived together had brought some psychological shadow to her. Dong Jing said that when she first transferred to the new school, she was often bullied by her classmates. One day, she came home covered in mud and saw her father and mother, but no one saw the mud spots on her clothes, and no one realized whether something had happened to her today. Because what my parents were thinking at that time was: How can I have this argument with him? How can I win this argument? When adults are completely immersed in the vortex of quarrels and cannot extricate themselves, who will care about the children\’s feelings and emotions? How can children gain a sense of security? Dong Jing said: \”When a couple is at war with each other and the two armies are confronting each other, the children in the middle can only be used as cannon fodder. I have been a cannon fodder for many years.\” \”Divorcing parents is not a good thing, but I feel that when they are The moment I got divorced, my life got on the right track, and I finally had a normal family life. The harm an unhappy family does to children is immeasurable.\” It doesn\’t mean that couples can\’t quarrel, if it\’s just for the sake of Arguing without controlling one\’s emotions turns into pure venting of anger, which is not conducive to the growth of children and does not solve any practical problems. As the saying goes: YesWhere there are people, there are rivers and lakes. It is impossible for people to be without friction and disagreements, and the same is naturally true between husband and wife. How to turn conflicts into friendship is the ultimate goal of our disputes. Dr. Thomas Gordon points out: “Conflict can drive people apart as well as bring them closer; it can contain the seeds of destruction as well as the seeds of greater unity; it can lead to armed war or it can bring about deeper mutual Understand.\” If intense conflicts between adults can cause harm to children, then \”arguing\” in a way that ignores each other will not have an impact on children? In fact, children are like the \”radar\” of the family. Even if there is no intense conflict between parents, your anxiety and depression can be felt by the children. Children have an extremely sensitive sense of smell for their parents\’ emotions. When children feel that the atmosphere at home is abnormal, There will be invisible pressure. I was watching a variety show some time ago, and a boy came on and expressed his troubles: Mom and Dad are having a cold war. The boy said that he had recently been recording how many words his parents said every day and what they said. Finally, he found that his parents said no more than 5 sentences a day and the speaking time did not exceed 5 seconds. The most common words said are \”what\’s wrong\” and \”nothing\’s wrong\”. The boy felt like a sandwich cookie and had no idea why his parents were cold feet. His mother said: \”The cold war was caused by the pressure from work and the lack of communication between dad and mom in life. Not only did mom and dad have a cold war, but the three of us also lacked communication, which resulted in many differences.\” The boy choked and said, \” You must never stop having a cold war in the future. This makes me so sad!\” Psychology expert Haim Ginott pointed out: \”When parents have conflicts, children will feel uneasy and guilty. Regardless of whether it is justified or not, children often think that they It is the cause of family conflict.\” \”Children cannot remain neutral in the civil war launched by their parents. They either side with their father or their mother, and the consequences are harmful to their character development.\” Later, my mother said in an interview Said: \”It is inevitable to have quarrels and quarrels in life. Adults may think it is nothing and they will reconcile after a while, but it still causes a lot of psychological harm to the children.\” Adults underestimate the sensitivity of children and think that we It will be fine once the quarrel is over, but in the child\’s mind it is \”unfinished\”, and uncertainty and insecurity will always linger in the child\’s mind. Since conflicts are inevitable, it is important to protect children from surviving adults\’ battlefields. Not all quarrels will leave children in a mess. Timely and effective communication between parents and children can quickly help children recover emotionally. In the movie \”Heartbeat\”, the parents of the little girl Julie are usually very close to each other. Her father always has to take care of her mentally retarded brother, so the family is very poor and has no money to renovate the yard in front of the house, causing the little girl to be outside. Being laughed at. On this day, my parents had a quarrel at the dinner table. Mom said: I\’m tired of working part-time to support the family, I\’m tired of having to borrow our vacuum cleaner every time it breaks! Dad shouted: Do you think this is the life I want? Sometimes we have to sacrifice to do the right thing! Mom retorted: MaybeWe should start thinking about what is right for us. Is your brother more important than your child? The father slammed the table angrily, and the little girl Julie had tears streaming down her face. Julie said: It was the first time I heard my parents yelling at each other. The momentary excitement of her parents frightened Julie. Julie didn\’t know why her parents were quarreling and whether she had made any mistakes. What did Julie\’s parents do next? In the evening, mom and dad came to Julie\’s room respectively. Dad told Julie that he loved his brother very much and that he would always take care of him. Mom told Julie that she loved dad very much and loved his strength and good heart. Julie said: I feel sad for my father, and I feel sad for my mother, but most of all, I am grateful that they are my parents. The child\’s emotions have been channeled, and he still feels that he has a happy family, instead of being in panic all day long amid his parents\’ quarrels. Mr. Yang Jiang mentioned in \”Remembering My Father\”: \”My parents are like old friends. Our children have never heard a single quarrel between them since they were young.\” The harmonious way in which parents get along gives their children an example of marriage. Yang Jiang Jiang is known as \”the most talented woman and the most virtuous wife\” and also benefits from such a good family environment. Education expert Yin Jianli said: \”Give your children a happy home, let them grow up healthily both physically and mentally, and become a person with harmonious physical and mental development. This is the most abundant thing that parents can give their children, and they can enjoy it throughout their lives. Wealth.\” Don\’t let your children become innocent cannon fodder, because the family is not a battlefield.