The method and experience of educating children is to listen, a secret that most parents don’t know

One mother said that her child is always half-hearted. For example, he does not listen carefully to the teacher during class, but instead plays with other children. At home, I do this and that, and I can\’t concentrate at all. He won\’t listen to anything you say, and will either turn his head away or interrupt you directly. I asked her: \”Do you listen carefully to your child every day?\” \”No, what he said is all nonsense, or some nonsense.\” \”What did the child say?\” \”I didn\’t listen carefully either. It means saying that he is a big monster who wants to eat people, or talking about some kindergarten things, but he is hesitant and unclear.\” \”Please try to look into the child\’s eyes, use all your energy, and listen carefully to what he says.\” I suggested she do it. \”If you have something to do, you can put it down first. If you can\’t let it go, tell your child first, pause for a while, and then listen to you carefully.\” Because the quality of children\’s attention is closely related to their parents\’ listening. Listening has become one of the biggest pain points between parents and children. Too many of our parents often blame their children for disobedience. But I never reflected on the fact that I had never listened to my children properly. We often only want to hear what we want to hear and ignore the truth. Especially with children. If an adult has unquestionable authority, then the child can only hear one or two sentences out of 10, or even just a few words. Then he starts to draw conclusions, and then continues to pile them up with various things to show that his conclusions are well-founded. It\’s not that I don\’t listen to you, it\’s just that you are like this. If parents often treat their children like this. Then this child must be lonely, because he can\’t even find anyone to express his feelings to. If one day, the child flashes his bright eyes. Ask you: \”Dad, why do you say chickens are the descendants of dinosaurs?\” \”Why can\’t we go to Mars?\” \”Mom, why can\’t I fly? My dream is to fly!\” Then I look forward to your answer. You can either ignore it, say directly that you are too busy, wait a while, and use your own affairs to excuse it. Or just make up a reason to deceive the child. The child calls you again and again to listen and pay attention to him. But I was disappointed again and again. If you are a child, you will also feel frustrated and discouraged. So the child finally chooses \”forget it\” and finally \”shut up\” with you. We often say that we should respect our children, but how do we show respect? In fact, being willing to listen to your children means respecting them. In our own experience, you can feel it if you think about it carefully. If someone is willing to listen carefully to what we say, they will feel that the other person respects them. Children have their own feelings about whether their parents are willing to listen to them. It\’s just a deep psychological need – to be respected, which the children can\’t express for the time being. But they can really feel whether they are valuable from here. Listening means respecting, then ignoring means denying. Too many parents unknowingly choose to deny it. If you always tell your children \”no\”, \”forbidden\”, \”don\’t do this\”, you will feel that everything is under your hand. This sense of control can make us feel fulfilled and safe inside. However, if you raise your children through \”control\”, you will only end up with an anxious and irritable self and a rebellious child with personality defects. Because control and counter-control will only plunge the parent-child relationship into an abyss. Some mothers proudly said when talking about their children: \”I say one, but he dare not say two. I beat him and scold him, but he still gets closer to me.\” \”What if he is 12 years old? He will still be closer to me.\” Is that so?\” \”I don\’t know!\” When a child is young, he becomes dependent because of fear. He really can\’t live without his parents. This is a need for survival with no choice. But when they entered their teenage years, they discovered a new world and a new self. At that time, your control will only intensify the child\’s inner distance from you. As children grow older, they become less able to speak their minds, and parents become extremely anxious. They really want to know what their children are thinking, but they just won\’t tell you. Apart from simple greetings, there is basically no in-depth communication between parents and children. When the soul is far away and cannot feel your light and heat, there is only closed loneliness and coldness. When the bridge of communication is broken, it can only be like two isolated islands, with no communication between them. Many problems arise like this. How to listen to children and how to let children learn to listen? In fact, the key to the answer lies with the parents. Please be patient and listen carefully. One day, I read English with Xiao Xiaoyu and learned the word \”round\”. He resisted when he saw it, saying that this was not a circle and that it was different from what he learned. He said that before I learned Suo Ke (this should be the pronunciation). I said that even if it happens, it won\’t affect today. I just need to complete today\’s tasks first. But it still didn\’t work. I thought he was deliberately looking for reasons to refuse because he didn\’t want to learn. I got angry. But I still held back, and after asking for a long time, I checked the information and found out that what he was talking about was circle. Then I told him that there is a difference between a circle and a circle, they are not the same. The little guy was relieved immediately and completed the task in an instant! I\’m glad I didn\’t lose my temper, otherwise I would have made my child angry in vain. Give your child your full attention. When your child tells you something, put down your phone, stay away from the TV, stop doing housework, listen carefully, and replace absent-mindedness with listening attentively. When your eyes are looking at the face you are looking at and you interact with him, the communication effect will be better. Take reading as an example. When I tell my son about picture books, he always wants me to hold him and look back at my face from time to time. Of course, now we read a picture book together more often, head to head, so that he can I could see his look on my face. When teaching him to read the Three Character Classic or Tang poetry, I would sit face to face with him and communicate with each other. Because I found that as soon as I was distracted, my child would be distracted immediately. Parents\’ influence is really great. When we really put aside our own identity, squat down, and communicate with our children sincerely, we will also gain a child who is willing to open his heart, be positive, optimistic, and focused. Don\’t complain that your children talk too much. Children sometimes seem wordy, but don\’t complain that they talk too much. Many mothers say that their children seem to be talkative and cannot stop talking. Then don\’t do it in front of childrenInstead of complaining that he talks too much, learn to listen to the key information. Xiao Xiaoyu talks a lot every day. On the way home from school, I would ride my bicycle, and he would tell me about kindergarten on the bicycle. Sometimes the wind is too loud or I need to concentrate on riding. I will tell him: \”Don\’t talk about it now, dad needs to be very careful, let\’s talk about it when we get home!\” It\’s okay to point it out like this, but don\’t complain about why you talk so much! Seeing the talkative little fish, I thought, what\’s wrong with this! This is his nature, but I need to teach him that in addition to talking, he also needs to learn to listen. When parents really do these things, they actually set an example for their children. It also gives the children a family environment with smooth communication. In such a native family, children can express themselves and learn to listen to others.

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