The truth that awakens countless parents: a sense of no boundaries is the poison that hurts children the most

The country has introduced a double reduction policy to reduce children\’s academic burden. However, parents\’ anxiety is increasing day by day. These anxious parents are parents who are willing to do everything for their children: Recommended scientific parenting books. I really hope my parents have read this book and download the electronic version. They will do their best to provide the best learning resources for their children and create the best environment. learning atmosphere, and even sacrifice their own quality of life for their children. Some people say that from now on, a child\’s performance will depend on all aspects of his parents\’ efforts. Because children have more free time, parents have to spend more energy to arrange their children\’s study clearly. Many parents would agree with this statement and are willing to take responsibility for their children\’s learning. However, these dedicated parents may have already fallen into a misunderstanding of parenting: they have forgotten that learning is their children\’s own business, and excessive participation in and arrangements for their children\’s learning is a kind of \”crossing the line.\” When it comes to out-of-bounds behavior, the more dedicated you are, the more likely you are to ruin your child\’s future with your own hands. Parents who don\’t understand boundaries will raise children who don\’t understand independence. Many people are unfamiliar with the word \”boundaries\”. Some people even think that \”boundaries\” are bad. \”Boundaries\” represent \”distance\” and mean that \”clear boundaries\” must be drawn between two people. In fact, even people who misunderstand \”boundaries\” will unknowingly maintain their own \”boundaries\” in life. Imagine that when you come home from work and fall on the sofa after a tiring day, you hear a voice saying to you: \”Sit up straight! You look hunched over. Have you completed today\’s results?\” You must hate this voice at this time. , I feel that he interfered too much and that he crossed your \”boundary\”. \”Boundaries\” means that we must respect the rights and needs of others. Everyone is an independent individual with their own experiences and feelings. Even very young children will have their own independent wishes. However, parents who cross boundaries with their children are everywhere in life. For example, children love stepping into puddles, an experience they only experience after it rains. When a child sees a puddle after the rain for the first time and experiences the water splashing when he jumps into it, he will feel joy and excitement from the bottom of his heart. But at this time, many parents will stop their children, or even threaten and reprimand their children. The so-called respecting other people\’s boundaries means respecting the other person\’s right to choose. When children become curious about puddles, they have a need to step on them. If parents stop their children, they are depriving their children of their rights and their needs will not be met. Where did those unmet needs go? When needs are not met, negative emotions will arise, and negative emotions may be buried in the heart. Sooner or later, those accumulated emotions will be vented in some way. There is a saying in \”Positive Discipline\”: \”Every child who behaves incorrectly is actually a child whose needs are not met.\” Unfortunately, often we can only see the child\’s inappropriate behavior, but not the child. That unsatisfied heart. Back to the matter of children\’s learning, many parents are willing to say something like this: \”I didn\’t do anything when I was your age, so I am like this now, soYou must do whatever you want…\” These parents have forgotten that learning is their children\’s own business. If parents are too involved, it will inevitably hinder the development of their children\’s self-will. And learning is something that requires time and hard work. If parents interfere too much, children will be more likely to develop rebellious psychology. What is even more regrettable is that many parents have killed this possibility before their children have even established an interest in learning. There is an interesting article online The joke: It is useless to let Newton reincarnate in your home. As long as Newton lies down under the apple tree, you have to shout, \”Hurry up and do your homework!\”. Such parents will \”cross the line\” with their children in life. This is even more true when it comes to learning, and they also euphemistically call it \”doing their best\” for their children. If a child cannot arrange his own learning tasks and make decisions about his own life, then it will be difficult for this child to grow into an independent person. Complete individuals. Parents who do not cross boundaries are first responsible for their own feelings and needs. Many parents who first know about \”boundaries\” often fall into a misunderstanding, thinking that \”boundaries\” mean compromise or indulgence. They may say: \”Is it just Don\’t care about the children? \”Wouldn\’t it be worse if we just let it go?\” \”So, many people dare not respect their children\’s \”boundaries\”. In fact, observing \”boundaries\” does not mean \”indulging\”. The essence of \”boundaries\” is by no means the destruction or alienation of relationships. The real \”boundaries\” are with Temperature, both parties can experience being respected. Because \”boundaries\” not only means respecting the rights and needs of others, but also means being responsible for your own feelings and needs. Going back to the case of children stepping into puddles, almost Every time after a rain, we can see children eager to try and parents scolding them. At this time, parents\’ biggest worry is that their children\’s shoes will get wet, so some parents will threaten and scold their children. If the parent can understand the child from the child\’s perspective at this time, then he will be able to understand: it is normal for the child to be like this, and the root of the problem is his own inner disapproval of the child. Through this, the parent may allow the child to Step into the puddle, or maybe gently tell your child why they can’t step into the puddle now. Only when a person can see his own heart can he be responsible for his own feelings. In other words, we all need to be responsible for our own feelings and needs. Be responsible instead of excessively asking others to meet your own needs. A more common situation is that parents can’t help but talk about their children’s learning situation. “Have you finished your homework? \”How was the test result?\” \”Did you listen carefully in class?\” \”Often at this time, the biggest conflict between parents and children is that they have different needs. \”Study well\” is the parent\’s need, not the child\’s. The child\’s need is to pursue things that are interesting, novel, and can bring them happiness. Come to happy things. When the needs of both parties are different and the parents educate the children in an authoritative manner, the children will have aversion to learning in their hearts. At this time, the so-called cultivation of the internal drive for learning becomes a legend. Fact In fact, our communication with children is the same as communication with adults.. Friction is inevitable in interpersonal relationships, and differences in ideas between two people occur in every relationship. My feelings and your needs are criss-crossed and mixed together like a mess. What we should really do is respect each other, respect our own feelings, and take responsibility for our own emotions. When parents interfere too much in their children\’s study and life, the first thing that should really change is the parents. 30 must-read Chinese classics pdf download HD 30MB Parents should first resolve their own inner anxieties, and then consider how to communicate with their children in order to stimulate their children\’s learning motivation. When a child understands that whether he studies well or not is his own business, he can exert his own will and learn to be responsible for his own actions. I believe that every life has the power to grow for good. Many people have heard the story of the famous educator Mr. Tao Xingzhi who used \”four pieces of candy\” to correct a child\’s thoughts and behavior. Mr. Tao Xingzhi saw a boy who was about to hit other classmates. The boy timidly came to Tao Xingzhi\’s office, thinking that he was going to be punished. However, in the end, he received \”punctuality\”, \”respect for the teacher\”, and \”correct motives\”. , rewards on the grounds that \”you can correct your mistakes after knowing them\”. We all admire Mr. Tao Xingzhi’s great wisdom. The reason why Mr. Tao Xingzhi can do this is because he knows and believes that every life longs to grow towards goodness. I still remember what happened at home the day I just finished reading this short story. That day happened to be Sunday. In the evening, my daughter started crying for no reason. When asked why, she said: \”I\’m afraid that the teacher will take the exam on Monday and she won\’t know Chinese.\” .\” In the past, I might have lectured my children: \”Why didn\’t you review during the two days off on the weekend? Now you know you\’re in a hurry?!\” But I still took a deep breath and swallowed the scolding I was about to blurt out. I know that if I scold my child at this time, I will be disturbed by my own negative emotions. It happened that I had just read Mr. Tao Xingzhi’s story that day, and I thought: Can I use another way to communicate with my children? Can we also find a good motivation from the child\’s behavior? So I said to the child: \”You are worried about the exam tomorrow and that you won\’t be able to write new words.\” The child nodded. \”Do you know what this means?\” The child remained silent. \”This shows that you are motivated and hope that you can master those new words.\” Later, I accompanied my child to review the new words, and the next day, there was no such thing as \”not being criticized in the exam.\” Sometimes our eagerness to discipline our children stems from our own inner anxieties. In fact, as long as parents can realize that any life has the power to grow for good. Then, we only need to provide a good environment for the children, and the children will naturally thrive. A wise man said that there are only three things in this world: my things, your things, and God’s things. Science Enlightenment Readings for Primary Schools Everything Has Science All 8 volumes mp3 Mind your own business, don\’t interfere in other people\’s affairs, and deal with external affairs well at the same time. This is probably the most transparent way to live. I hope every parent can mind their own business and use their own life status to influence their children, instead of projecting all their anxieties and worries about the future onto their children.