We have learned various parenting methods, but the most important one is missing!

Maybe it’s because I used to be in the media industry, and I also create a WeChat public account on parenting; maybe it’s the same for every mother with a baby, anyway, like many mothers, Ki’s mother follows a lot of WeChat public accounts on parenting. . On the one hand, seeing what others are doing is also a kind of learning. Every day, after the children fall asleep, they will unconsciously pick up their mobile phones, check Moments, and check the WeChat official accounts they have subscribed to. When they wake up in the morning, send the children to school, and when they are free, they will check again. Sometimes when I read some articles about parenting, I can’t help but be confused. It seems that this is not good, and that is not right. It seems that no matter what parents do, there will be problems, and no matter what they do, they may have adverse effects on their children. Sometimes it’s not a good thing for a child to be too well behaved; sometimes it’s a few tricks to make the child obedient; sometimes it’s all the parents’ fault; sometimes it’s the parents who have given the best to their children, and it’s the child’s fault; sometimes it’s telling them Children, grades are not important, but one moment I have to tell them that grades are very important; one moment they tell them how good cry immunization is, and another moment they criticize how much trauma cry immunity has caused to children; the other moment they tell them that playing with iPads will harm children. Vision, after a while there are some studies from the United States that iPad does not damage children\’s vision… After reading more, I seem to feel that I have learned a lot of parenting knowledge, but when I think about it more carefully, I find that I don\’t know what to do. This is not good, and that is not right. There are various parenting theories and hundreds of schools of thought contending. Each has its own truth and which one should be followed. There is a saying that children should be raised according to books. Various books are emerging one after another, and the concept of raising children is also updated in real time. There is nothing wrong with scientific parenting, there is nothing wrong with raising children by respecting the rules, and there is nothing wrong with learning all kinds of parenting knowledge. However, We seem to have overlooked the most important point – that is the instinct of parenthood. No parenting method can violate the natural bond between yourself and your children. Just like when the cry immunity method was implemented, the child cried heartbreakingly and the mother was heartbroken. So, why do we continue to implement it? Our children are all unique. We cannot treat them as guinea pigs. One moment they will respect one thing, and the next moment they will completely deny it. Not to mention that the adults will be driven crazy, and the children will be at a loss what to do. Yesterday she was a arrogant mother, but today she suddenly speaks softly and softly, and the next day she hits and scolds her. How can the child cope? Ki’s mother is just an ordinary mother who has studied a little bit of child psychology. Maybe it’s because of her previous career. Ki’s mother likes to write something, so she will share some parenting experiences with everyone on this platform. The process of becoming a mother is a process of constantly absorbing new energy. Therefore, ki\’s mother has been studying psychology related to children. Of course, a large part of the reason is due to personal hobbies. Even in this kind of study, ki\’s mother will still encounter parenting problems. Maybe because I know my children better and understand the interaction between myself and my children, it may be easier for me to find solutions and make it easier for me to solve problems when I encounter them. Keep a calm mind when facing certain difficulties, becauseI know the reason for this and what will happen. I also know that some problems I encounter can be solved without too much processing, so I don’t need to worry too much. After reading so much parenting knowledge, the biggest problem we encountered is that I understand the principles, but I can’t do it. A few days ago, Ki\’s mother posted an article \”We can do anything for our children, but why can\’t we stop scolding them?\” Many mothers came to communicate with Ki\’s mother in the background: Yes, yes, we love our children, but we get angry. When you really can\’t help it, how can you control your emotions? There are many similar situations. We all know that parents’ emotional stability is very important for their children. Yes, we know that too, but if we can’t do it, what should we do? We all know why raising children should not be too anxious and should be calm. However, my child has just entered the small class and cries so much every day that I can\’t help but feel anxious. But the book says not to be anxious. What should I do? In fact, there is really no magic bullet that can turn an impatient mother into a calm and gentle mother in an instant, and there is no way to make an anxious mother become calm and calm. Raising children is a new process for us. Most people have no experience in raising children, so they can only slowly explore and improve in this process. As long as we are willing to learn how to raise children and make some changes, it is not easy. Understanding some truths, knowing that you can\’t do it, and then being willing to slowly make some changes is the best parenting view for your children. There has never been a pair of parents who can be a model for parenting, and there has never been a pair of parents who have no regrets or mistakes on the road to parenting. Every pair of parents has their own characteristics, and these characteristics will show up when raising children. We can never be exactly the same as others. There is another emotion that comes from regret in the process of raising children: If I had known this, I would not have raised my children this way. If I had known this, I would not have forced my children to get a score of 95 or above; if I had known this, I would not have sent my children back to my hometown to raise them; if I had known this… However, this cannot help more. In the past, many mothers used the cry immunization method when their children were young. Later, they saw various information saying how bad this method was for their children. Therefore, if I had known this, I would never have used such a method on my child, and I felt extremely guilty. In fact, besides regretting, we can do more. The growth process of a child is not short. When you become aware of certain problems, you can try to solve them. This does not mean that one mistake or some inappropriate choices will definitely cause irreversible and irreparable damage to the child. of hurt. We must also believe in our children. They have a certain tolerance and must be resilient. A report shows that the most critical factor in a child\’s ability to recover quickly from an injury is not some innate trait, such as willpower, but whether he has a solid relationship with the adults who raised him. stable interactive relationship. And whether the child has a stable relationship with the adult?The interactive relationship comes from the long-term relationship between parents and children. Some temporary poor parent-child relationships, or a certain wrong approach, do not necessarily cause a devastating blow to the interactive relationship between children and parents, and children in In this process, you will also find ways to grow. Sometimes, we will find that in the same family, parents raise their children in roughly the same way, but even if they are twin children, their development will still be different, or even very different, because the children themselves have different characteristics. Traits. You will also find that even if there is a very stable support system and interactive relationship, all this seems to be ineffective for some people – even if someone clearly expresses their willingness to support the person in trouble and is willing to accept him unconditionally, this person may still decline. The so-called parent-child relationship often includes two aspects: parents and children. We strive to do what our parents can do, and the rest requires the children\’s own efforts and development.