What causes postpartum depression

Not long ago, I saw a long article on Zhihu by a father with a baby answering \”How scary is postpartum depression?\” This piece of content received 31,000 likes and touched the hearts of countless mothers suffering from postpartum depression. He wrote: In just six months of raising a baby, he changed from a man who thought, \”Why do women have to complain endlessly as long as they take care of the baby at home and do some trivial things?\” to a man who \”feels considerate from the bottom of his heart?\” , someone who loves his wife.” This is not because his child is highly sensitive and has high needs, but because he has seen the culprit of postpartum depression through raising his child: a loss of order. After reading his story, I found that compared to pregnancy and raising a baby, \”postpartum loss of control\” is the most distressing thing. Taking care of a child means losing the order of life. After the child was born, he and his wife started a business together, and the mother-in-law was the main caregiver. Until one day, his mother-in-law had to go back to her hometown for something, and he took on the heavy responsibility of taking care of the baby full-time. At that time, the child was 6 months old and was in the stage of \”sleeping when he is full and eating when he is full\”. So, he patted his chest and assured his wife that she could handle work at home while taking care of the baby. How about the book \”Golden Confinement Sister\” teaches you about confinement in pdf download in ultra-clear [Precautions during confinement + Confinement recipes + Newborn care] However, reality is always more \”cruel\” than ideals. Indeed, if you break down every aspect of raising a baby, it is not difficult at all. Breastfeeding, changing diapers, coaxing to sleep, eating complementary foods, and bathing are just things that become perfect if you do them a few times. But the problem is that children\’s behavior is random and uncontrollable. After putting your child to sleep, you were about to go to the kitchen to prepare some solid food, but before you even took out the bowl, you heard crying in the room. You guessed that the child was hungry, so you hurriedly picked up the bottle. After the child took a few sips, you realized that he wanted to poop. By the time you change your diaper, put you to sleep again, and return to the kitchen, the water has turned cold, the cut fruits have oxidized and turned black, and everything has to start over. You can\’t predict what your child will do next, so you have to keep your nerves high at all times, try your best to adapt to your child\’s changes. As a result, your life changes from nine to five with a regular schedule, and becomes chaotic, disorderly, and out of control. I think of the time when I just gave birth to my baby. I have never missed working so much like I did then. In the company, I can choose to complete the work early or upload files against the deadline. Even if I have to work overtime until late at night, I rarely break down, at most I feel a little uncomfortable. Because I know that being busy is temporary. After the project is completed, I can give myself a vacation. However, while taking care of my children, I became slightly depressed. I don\’t know what I\’m going to do next or what will happen tomorrow. My husband comforted me, \”Just do what you are doing.\” But the problem is, staying with my children means that I have something on my hands at any time 24 hours a day. Not long ago, I saw a video. A mother originally planned to hold her sister in her arms and send her brother to school in the morning. But it suddenly rained, and she had no choice but to go home halfway and put her child into clean clothes. After finally sending her brother to school, she took her sister to the vegetable market to buy vegetables. At this time, she received another call from the kindergarten teacher. Her brother had vomited and she had to send him a set of clothes.go to school. By the time she finished delivering clothes and buying groceries, it was already noon. What I thought could be done in one hour actually took more than three hours. She wanted to put her sister to sleep and then cook, but unfortunately, her sister, who was always well-behaved, just kept crying that day, and no matter how she coaxed her, she couldn\’t. She collapsed instantly and couldn\’t help spanking the child. Looking at her little daughter, she felt regretful and had nowhere to vent her emotions. She had no choice but to slap herself crazily, which made her feel painful. In the eyes of others, she only needs to send her children to school, then buy groceries and cook at home, but only she knows how tedious it is to do these two things that sound light and easy. The helplessness of losing the order of life is something that people who have not really experienced it can never imagine and understand. Being a stay-at-home mother is more like being on an isolated island. In the dark night, you can see the lights of ships flashing in the distance. You expect them to rescue you, but as you wait day after day, you become desperate and numb. If you lose your goals, you lose your sense of value. When a person cannot organize his day, he loses his goals. Because when he doesn\’t know why he is doing what he is doing, he cannot get positive feedback and thus have a sense of value. Lee Seung-hyun said in the interview that a large part of the reason why he became depressed when raising children was because he found that he always \”spent a lot of time and energy, but in the end, it seemed like he had done nothing during the day.\” .\” Fortunately, Qi Wei understood him very well and was grateful for his efforts. Whenever he doubted himself, Qi Wei would always say: \”The one who is not running around is the backbone of the family. Without you, I really can\’t stand it.\” He has enough financial strength and the understanding of his family. After returning to work, Received encouragement and support from Qi Wei. Even so, he still can\’t escape his depression, let alone us as ordinary people? Zhihu blogger @发店管家 said that he didn’t realize how harsh he had been to his wife until he had a baby himself. When the child was sleeping obediently, he saw his wife lying on the sofa playing with her mobile phone, and couldn\’t help scolding him: \”Can\’t you read more books while the child is sleeping? Why are you always holding the mobile phone endlessly?\” Later he I found that after experiencing a state of high nervousness when raising a baby, a person no longer has any extra energy. Playing with his mobile phone seemingly doing nothing is actually \”charging\” his exhausted self. But most people can\’t understand it. A mother on Xiaohongshu said that when she takes her children to her grandma\’s house, she is at her most negative. As soon as she entered the house, her mother would criticize her from head to toe. If she is fat, say she is too lazy at home and does not exercise; if she does not have a job, say she is not enterprising at home and does not set a good example for her children. The words that seemed to be \”for your own good\” brought her the greatest harm. Because these words are so \”right\” that it is impossible to refute them. So, she could only hold back her grievances and resentments, and gradually became sensitive and suspicious amidst repeated \”You can\’t do it, you\’re wrong\”. In the end, even she felt that maybe she had done something wrong. The best way to destroy a mother is to make her feel: I\’m not good enough. But obviously, they have worked very hard. Postpartum depression, lots of itSometimes it\’s not because the mothers are not good enough, but because their families put too much pressure on them. Reconstructing order requires the support of family members. I once saw a metaphor: when children explore the world, they are like a novice driver driving a racing car. They seem to be running rampant, but in fact they are panicking inside. And my mother is the veteran driver sitting in the passenger seat. She doesn\’t even need to speak, just a firm and gentle look in her eyes can make the child feel at ease. In fact, the relationship between mother and father is similar. When my mother is in a panic, my father\’s \”It\’s okay, you\’ve done a good job\” is undoubtedly the best reassurance. Only in this way can mother regain her confidence and build a new life order bit by bit. There are many ways to restructure order. The method adopted by this nanny@fatshopkeeper is to do housework. The difference is that he regards housework as his own KPI. It is not his responsibility, but he can get recognized value feedback from it. The floor is clean, which means he did a good job. When his wife accidentally said, \”The wardrobe is so tidy,\” he took it as confirmation from his \”colleagues.\” Because of this, the most intolerable thing for him was his family\’s indifference to the fruits of his labor. He said that during that time, he discovered that when his wife went to the toilet, she did not throw the toilet paper into the trash can for several days. In the eyes of his wife, it was just a trivial matter, but he got angry for a full minute. What matters is not the size of the matter, but whether the value he created has been recognized and cherished. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Recognizing what he has done means recognizing his personal value. He said that he now understood why many postpartum mothers became more tossing. Some people want to be a micro-business, some lose weight like crazy, and some use swipe screen to post their babies… Maybe this is mothers setting a KPI for themselves. In the process of reaching the goal, they gradually regain a sense of control over their lives, and A sense of control over life. At this stage, don\’t be too strict with yourself and pursue success in the worldly sense: do a big project, get a promotion and a salary increase… Instead, focus on your heart and explore things you are interested in: flower arranging, calligraphy, or even reading. TV drama. As long as they can relax themselves and re-energize their hearts, anything is a good thing. The beginning of a new order lies in small goals one after another. Therefore, family support and affirmation are of great significance to mothers. Understand their little stubbornness, understand their unreasonable negativity, and care about their every move. Only in this way can they move forward with peace of mind, because \”there is someone on the co-pilot with me.\”