What if you are struggling with homework and your children are tired of studying? Most parents ignore this

A few days ago, a mother complained to me that her daughter was in fifth grade. She used to be well-behaved, but now she becomes less and less interested in studying, and she always has to be pushed to do her homework. She got off work late two days ago, and her child was at home alone for more than an hour. She didn\’t write a few lines of homework, and even played games secretly, which made her very angry. The mother said that she originally planned to take her children out to play on the weekend, but because of this incident, the activity was cancelled. She was asked to make up for her missed homework at home and reflect on it. I think that if a child, in addition to doing school homework every night from Monday to Friday, also has to do English extracurricular classes and Mathematical Olympiad homework, and for two days on the weekend, he has to go to interest classes for one and a half days, and the remaining half of the day is for writing. Homework, after living this kind of life day after day for several years, the children will become less interested in learning. The parents should be the ones who should reflect. In fact, this is also a question that we as parents must reflect on: What is the most important thing for children in primary school? I think the most important thing is not how much knowledge you have learned, how difficult the questions you can do, or how many words you can memorize. Rather – develop good study habits, find out good learning methods, and at the same time, maintain curiosity and enthusiasm for unknown things. To achieve these three points, there is one thing that is very important, but is also ignored by many parents, and that is – the transfer of abilities, feelings and self-perception. What is migration? To put it simply, the feelings and abilities we gain from doing A will be used in doing B. For example, when we face something difficult and lack confidence, psychologists tell us that we can think about whether we have had successful experience with similar things before, think about what we did at that time, and how we felt. , copying these experiences and feelings will give you more confidence and courage to face the current things. This is migration. In fact, we are doing this every day, transferring past experiences and feelings to the present moment, but sometimes it is intentional and sometimes it is unconscious. This is especially true for children. Their experience of the world and their understanding of themselves are still weak, and they need to accumulate a lot of experience and feelings to form their views on the world and their concepts of themselves bit by bit. For children, the most important way to accumulate is through play. In playing and games, they gain a sense of pleasure, satisfaction, achievement, creativity, and autonomy; they learn to focus, self-control, sharing, mutual help, and observation; they learn to analyze and solve problems, and how to face them Difficulties and frustrations, and becoming more confident, courageous, and resilient… Once these positive and positive feelings, abilities, and self-perceptions are formed, they will be transferred to other things in a subtle way – including learning, including them. in work and life as adults. Once, I was chatting with a friend in his 50s. She said she was very grateful to her father. Under the subtle influence of her father, she developed many good qualities, which is a valuable asset that will benefit her throughout her life. For example, confidence. This friend has a mysterious confidence that she can get things done. Having trouble? have. Have you ever encountered setbacks? Encountered. But she just feels that sheIt can be done well, there is no reason. This kind of self-confidence has indeed helped her succeed both within the system and in entrepreneurship. Where does this inexplicable confidence come from? Perhaps it was formed from the little things in childhood, and gradually internalized into one\’s own character, and also transferred to everything. The primary school stage is the development stage of a person\’s ability and character, and it is also a critical period for children to develop self-confidence. The more a child experiences his own abilities and gets more positive feedback through his own efforts, the more he will believe that he is capable of doing things well, and the more intrinsic motivation will be stimulated in him to work hard to do better. There is a mother who knows this well. She used the principle of migration to deal with her daughter\’s unwillingness to go to kindergarten. Her daughter didn’t want to go to kindergarten, so this mother did this. Starting in the morning, consciously ask your child to do something for her. For example, if a mother wants to dry clothes, she would say to her child: Honey, can you do mom a favor and hand her a clothes drying rack. In this way, we can dry the clothes quickly. The child feels that he can help his mother, feels that he is very capable, and is very happy to do so. Then, my mother opened the closet: Honey, what clothes are you going to wear today? Can you choose it yourself? After going downstairs, my mother asked: Baby, you decide, which electric bike will your mother ride today? This paved the way, and when it came time to say goodbye to her mother in the kindergarten, although the child was a little reluctant, she still said goodbye to her mother and walked in like a little adult. This is the migration of feelings. Helping mom to dry clothes, pick clothes, and choose electric cars, mom constantly allows her children to make their own choices, so that they can feel confident, have a sense of control over things, and feel that they are a decisive and responsible person. Then, when facing the matter of going to kindergarten, she naturally transferred these feelings, from the original \”I have to go to kindergarten\” to \”I decided to go to kindergarten\” and \”I can face the matter of going to kindergarten.\” ——This state is completely different. Having said that, not only positive feelings and cognitions can be transferred, but negative feelings and cognitions can also be transferred. When children feel too much frustration in learning, this feeling and cognition will also transfer to other aspects of life. He will feel that he is just stupid, sloppy, not good at learning, that he can\’t do anything well, and is not as good as others… When a person is always shrouded in such negative perceptions, his life may It\’s all gray. Unfortunately, when their children have problems learning, anxious parents will focus all their attention on learning. Can’t do this type of question? Then do more questions, practice makes perfect! Always read the wrong questions carelessly? Then it will be punished 10 times, 100 times! Do you always procrastinate when doing homework? Then reduce the time for playing, and you are not allowed to play until you finish your homework! Have trouble concentrating and always get distracted from homework? Then accompany the reading with strict precautions from beginning to end. …In short, all problems in learning must be solved through more learning. As a result, only learning is left in the child\’s life. He is becoming more and more tired of studying, has more and more problems, and his parents are becoming more and more anxious. Both parties are stuck in an endless loop and cannot break out. even, children will have doubts about the value of their own existence. Psychologist Professor Xu Kaiwen of Peking University said that in recent years, he has been exposed to more and more suicide cases among college students. He found that the reason why many college students commit suicide is not because they want to die, but because they don\’t know why they are alive. They feel that life is meaningless and worthless, and life is boring. Because, in their lives from childhood to adulthood, learning is almost the only thing they do. Therefore, learning this matter is not just learning this matter. To solve children\’s learning problems, we cannot just focus on learning in isolation. We need to see that learning, playing, and all aspects of life are inextricably linked, and migration is happening all the time. When we are worried about our children\’s learning, we may do this – try to create space for them to play, give them time to do nothing, give them more choices, create more situations, so that they can experience joy and confidence , satisfaction, value, creation. These will unknowingly shape the child\’s character and ability. He will see himself this way: I can focus on one thing, and when I encounter problems, I can find a way to solve them. This world is so interesting, I really want to Go explore… When a child has these positive qualities and self-awareness, he will face learning and his life in a better state.