What is the most important thing in raising a girl?

After having a daughter, do you often have some confusion like this: Does your daughter need to be wealthy? What are the differences between girls\’ growth and boys\’? Will she become a good girl when she grows up? The book I share with you today – \”Raising Girls\” – is a parenting guide specifically written for parents of girls. In the book, you can clearly understand the development process of girls from birth to adulthood, and gain many practical insights. Actionable parenting advice. The author of this book is a well-known Australian family expert, Steve Biddulph, who is also a popular parenting author. His books such as \”Raising Girls\”, \”Raising Boys\”, and \”The Secret of a Happy Childhood\” have influenced parents and children in different countries around the world. This book is written based on the author\’s own experience of raising a daughter and many years of experience as a family therapist. It has been translated and published in multiple languages, and is highly praised by girls\’ parents. Below, under the guidance of the author, we will learn together how to raise a girl who is strong, independent and determined. The beginning of the book \”Girls\’ Troubles in Adolescence\” tells us the story of two 17-year-old girls. Cathy and Gina are good friends. They were good friends when they were children, but they gradually drifted apart as they grew up. Let’s talk about Cathy first. She was once a lively and independent girl. At a birthday party when she was 14 years old, Cathy was seduced by a handsome boy and had sex with him. This boy didn\’t actually love her and laughed at her with his peers. This experience made her feel humiliated, and Cathy began to give up on herself. By the time she was 17, her parents, who had neglected their daughter because of their busy schedules, took her to therapy, she had already had sex with seven different boys. Let\’s talk about Gina. Like Cathy, she also encountered difficulties in adolescence. When Genevieve was 15, she dated a boy named Justin. Although she enjoyed her romance with Justin, Gena hesitated a few months later when Justin hinted that he wanted to \”take it a step further\” with her. Thankfully, Gina has a close relationship with her mother and is willing to share her concerns with her. In the process of sharing, her mother was able to understand Gina’s stress and provide her with the necessary help. She cautiously supported her daughter\’s desire to maintain a friendship with a boy, driving her to meet Justin and inviting him to play at home. Mom would listen to Gena and suggest that Gena make it clear to Justin that she wanted to maintain the friendship. In the end, although Gina broke up with Justin, she grew better in the process. From these two experiences, we can see that Cathy and Gina, both 17 years old, had very different experiences. Why is this? If we think about it carefully, we can find that Cathy\’s parents neglected to take care of their daughter, while Gina\’s mother had a close connection with her daughter, allowing her to provide her daughter with necessary help and advice. This is the difference between the two. Cathy and Genevieve encountered difficulties during their rebellious adolescence, which was actually just a phase of growing up that girls go through.At different stages of growth, girls will encounter various problems. As parents, the first thing we need to do is to understand the growth characteristics of girls. Before understanding the growth trajectory of girls, we talked about the different characteristics of girls’ growth stages. The book divides them into five stages according to the age of girls. The first stage, from birth to 2 years old, is to establish a sense of security. Lucy is a newborn baby, and at this stage she is most dependent on adults. Talking to her, singing to her, making her happy, and caressing her gently can not only help your baby confirm your love for her, but also make her better aware of other people\’s emotions when she grows up. There is a special tacit understanding between baby and mother. When Lucy cries violently, if her mother can quickly respond with words like \”What\’s wrong?\” or \”Honey, what\’s wrong?\” and pick her up to comfort her, she can make Lucy feel The power of love helps her calm down. But if Lucy\’s initial crying does not receive a timely response from her parents, over time it will make her feel helpless and lose hope when encountering difficulties, which can easily lead to depression. At the age of 0-2, parents should give a girl more care so that she can become independent, strong, and grow into a girl who believes in love and knows how to care for others. The second stage, from 2 to 5 years old, encourages exploration. At this stage, girls begin to become interested in the world. We need to provide her with opportunities to explore. As long as she is interested in something, she should be encouraged to try it. We can prepare some waste paper, crayons, and paints at home to let her develop her artistic creation; put her in strong, stain-resistant clothes and play freely; take her close to nature and broaden her horizons. It should be noted that when choosing toys, do not buy girls the kind of revealing and sexy dolls. This can easily lead to premature maturation and set a bad example for them. Although we encourage girls to explore the world, we also need to set some rules for her, which will allow girls to protect themselves at critical moments. The third stage, from 5 to 10 years old, learns to socialize. When girls are four or five, they are ready to play well. When girls get along, unless there are threats of violence or calls for help, little intervention is needed because they usually make up quickly. On the issue of how to build friendship, the author also gave 7 core suggestions, namely: enjoying the company of friends, learning to share, thinking from others\’ perspective, controlling aggression, apologizing in time, observing emotions and knowing when to trust others. . When a daughter asks her parents for help, after identifying what skills she needs, the parents should teach her how to apply them in practice. If your daughter often plays the role of peacemaker in interpersonal relationships, remind her to know how to defend herself when necessary and avoid some risky friends. The fourth stage, from 10 to 14 years old, is self-discovery. With the advent of puberty, a girl’s self-awareness begins to awaken, and we need to help her understand her own heart and find the meaning of life. First of all, we need to help the girl find her own interests and ignite her \”spark\”. Children\’s sparks can be divided into three categories. It can be a skill or talent, such as painting, writingIt can be an activity or a sport; or it can be a certain task that one undertakes, such as protecting nature and working for social justice; it can also be a character trait, such as having empathy and becoming someone to talk to. As a parent, what you have to do is to help your daughter discover and strengthen her interest and passion, and actively encourage and ignite it. Secondly, we need to help girls find role models and choose some women who are meaningful and can appreciate your daughter as her role models. In addition, encouraging your daughter to read books and get close to nature is also a good way to inspire inspiration. The fifth stage, from 14 to 18 years old, develops a sense of responsibility. 18 years old means that girls can live independently. This is the beginning of her adulthood. From the age of 14 to 18, girls are prepared for adulthood. During this period, some iconic events, a coming-of-age ceremony, and an experience helped her learn to develop a sense of responsibility and control her destiny. The book mentions a 14-year-old girl Marilla. On the way home from school, she and her friends encountered a car accident. Unfortunately, one girl lost her life and she and several other children were seriously injured. After recovering, Marilla developed agoraphobia. Not only did she often have nightmares, but she was also afraid of going near roads. Her parents found a senior psychological counselor for Marilla to seek help. During in-depth communications, the consultant woke up Marilla. She began to realize that although the driver who caused the car accident was fully responsible for it, what about herself? Did she place so much faith in sidewalks and traffic lights that she neglected to observe her surroundings? After taking on her share of responsibility, Marilla became no longer afraid and walked out of the haze of the accident. At this point, we have finished talking about the five stages of a girl’s growth. As mentors and allies on her life path, parents can provide them with the necessary help based on the characteristics of each stage by understanding their growth map. Resisting Danger on the Road to Growth The author believes that girls’ living space is becoming increasingly complex and full of crises. Helping them resist the dangers on the way forward is a required course for every parent. 1. Don’t become sexy too early. With the popularity of television, movies, music, and magazines, girls who should not care about their appearance begin to pay too much attention to their appearance. Underage magazines openly discuss sex, which infringes on girls little by little. What should parents do? First of all, you can discuss sexual topics with girls in a relaxed way and teach girls to distinguish between the three feelings of liking, love and desire for a person. This will help her have a pleasant relationship with a man and a woman in the future. Secondly, manage the various media that appear in girls’ lives. Try not to have a TV in her bedroom; choose the TV shows you watch carefully; and don\’t buy magazines filled with ads for cosmetics and clothing, which can do more harm than good to a girl. 2. Overcome bullying. It is reported that one in five school children around the world has encountered bullying, which deserves attention. The 7-year-old girl Kerry mentioned in the book was bullied at school and told her parents about it. Kerry\’s parents wrote a formal complaint email to the school that night, hoping that the school wouldattention and resolution. As a victim, Kerry should learn to express her dissatisfaction clearly and know how to protect herself. Teach your daughters to say, \”You are bullying, and this is wrong.\” They must have the courage and conviction to stand up for their rights. As parents, when our children encounter bullying, we should take action. Calm, friendly and decisive behavior is the best way to deal with it. 3. Get rid of bad eating habits Girls around the world are generally faced with two problems: gluttony and dieting. About 95% of people who are on a diet face the possibility of regaining weight within 2 to 5 years. Many health experts call for shifting the focus on weight to health. Enjoying delicious food and exercising are what we should do. So, how to help girls establish healthy eating habits? Mothers should be role models for their children and not put too much emphasis on weight; no soft drinks should appear in the refrigerator, a glass of boiled water is enough. 4. Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Since 2002, the proportion of young people taking drugs and alcohol has dropped to a certain extent. Although this is good news, alcohol is more harmful than taking drugs and will increase the risk of breast cancer in women. About one-third of breast cancer cases are linked to alcohol consumption. Why girls drink and take drugs is actually related to their parents’ supervision and guidance. As a parent, if you love your daughter, you should start from these aspects. You should clearly agree with your daughter on what time you will return home, and set up a \”rescue plan\” to prevent accidents. Before a girl turns 18, her parents must be responsible for her life. Even if she grows up one day, we still need to use a friendly and caring way to continue to ensure her safety. 5. Don’t be obsessed with the Internet. Although the development of the Internet promotes people’s communication, it also brings new troubles. The attacks and malicious comments from netizens have caused great harm to girls and can easily lead to self-harm and suicide. The proliferation of pornographic information on the Internet and the distortion of sexual behavior based on respect have made girls feel that they are just tools to serve boys and men. Although we cannot stay away from the online world, we can create a relatively safe online environment for her through some positive and mutually respectful ways. Educate your girl to be independent and not to rely too much on the evaluation of others. This is a beneficial armor for her to protect herself; help your child register a social media account and protect her privacy; install a device for filtering web pages on the computer; monitor her online time Make certain restrictions. In general, maintaining close communication and contact with her can greatly reduce risky behaviors. Establish Close Connections with Girls A girl\’s parents play a different role in her development. Mother is a role model for girls to learn from; father is a girl who gives her a sense of security and is her support. Parents need to establish a close bond with a girl from an early age. Mothers should be role models for their daughters. As girls grow up, mothers help them understand what it means to be a woman. As a mother, you must set a good example for your daughter and constantly examine yourself. The mother’s interpersonal relationships, the way she speaks, and how she behaves…everything will be learned by her daughter.part. After entering school, the rush of school life can make girls nervous and sometimes encounter hostility and violence. At this time, the mother should use her strength to create a calm and warm family environment for the girl and help her relieve stress. Mothers can try these methods: eat together with the whole family at a fixed time of the day, and do not turn on the TV at this time; when relatives and friends get together, engage in some interesting activities such as family concerts and quizzes; during holidays, take the family out together Play and relax. When a girl grows up, if the mother wants her to be herself, she must know how to let go at the right time and leave room for the girls to grow. This is also an important lesson that mothers need to learn. As a girl grows up, although she becomes farther and farther away from her mother, we believe that with the nourishment of love, a growing child will always have a place for her mother in her heart. Dads should be the ones their daughters rely on. Studies have shown that if fathers are more involved in raising girls, the girls will become more confident and have fewer problems such as pregnancy, alcoholism, and drug abuse. A sense of security and responsibility are the core feelings that a good father conveys to his girls. Dads should learn to speak in a gentle tone and tell their daughters, \”I will never hurt you.\” Make time to play or read with your daughter. This kind of happy time spent with her can make your daughter Her love of adventure makes her life rich and beautiful. At the same time, girls’ expectations of men are also hidden in their father. Talking to dad and exploring some in-depth topics can help girls learn how to get along with men. If a girl\’s father knows how to respect her, then she will not accept disrespect from others of the opposite sex. When girls enter adolescence, they often confront their fathers. They want to get rid of their fathers\’ control and have more space. At this time, the father must learn to listen and respect, discover and solve problems, instead of blindly blaming his daughter. In recent years, girls\’ living space has been constantly facing various challenges. Taking online ride-hailing, traveling alone, running at night… all may be dangerous. We can\’t help but wonder, how many dangers does a girl have to resist to survive from birth to the end of her life? Maybe we can\’t change the current situation of society, but can the girl\’s parents do something? Many parents have the impression that girls are naturally weak, and they only want to protect them blindly, but forget to teach them how to protect themselves. Unknowingly, they develop girls into \”flowers in the greenhouse.\” Giving your daughter the right kind of love, making her mentally strong and knowing how to protect herself can help her withstand the ups and downs along the way. This is the best gift parents can give their daughters. When a girl grows up, her parents are her first teachers! Ma Yili once said this to describe the influence of her parents on her: Often when you are a child, your parents give you the satisfaction of love, which makes a child feel safe. Especially for girls, if there is a father who loves her very much, the girl will be confident in living in the world. If there is a mother who loves her very much, the girl will know how to have self-respect and love herself. It can be seen that the love of parents for their children is the best education. MutuallyI believe that a girl who grows up under the nourishment of her parents\’ love will definitely be able to live the life she wants. When we leave, we look forward to an elegant, confident, and strong girl who can live a calm and calm life without being shocked by honor or disgrace.