What should I do if a 12-year-old boy indulges in pornography? The principal\’s answer makes you feel ashamed

A 15-year-old girl wrote a letter to the principal Zhan Danian. The beginning of the letter is: \”Zhan Danian, you are an idiot!\” The text is still very ugly and insulting. Full of gunpowder. Normally, the principal will have two reactions when seeing this letter. Angry, he gave the girl a beating. Ignore it, the girl may just be impulsive. But Principal Zhan didn’t have the above reaction. After receiving the letter, he did nothing. Why do girls talk arrogantly? This starts from a love affair that was \”died\”. [Collection] 16 Chinese classics, full of traditional Chinese wisdom. A girl fell in love with a boy, and they moved in together. The girl\’s parents forcibly separated them. I heard that Principal Zhan could \”cure\” puppy love, so her parents sent the girl to Ugly Duckling Middle School. This would make anyone angry, let alone a rebellious child. The girl wrote this letter in anger. After the letter was sent, she was ready to confront Principal Zhan. Once, she and Principal Zhan met on the school road. Principal Zhan smiled and said to her: \”I received your letter.\” There were no unnecessary words. Something was wrong, she thought, completely different from what she expected. We met several times later, and Principal Zhan still greeted her warmly. But there was no mention of the letter. A month later, the girl realized her recklessness and took the initiative to go to Principal Zhan. \”Principal, I was wrong. I shouldn\’t have written that letter.\” Principal Zhan said: You are not wrong, not at all. First of all, I want to thank you for your trust in me. You must have evaluated before writing the letter. There is no risk in scolding Zhan Danian, the principal, because you believe that Zhan Danian is kind. You see, you avoided a risky move in a risk-free way. You are very smart! After hearing these words, the girl was even more ashamed. She asked in a low voice: \”Principal, can you return the letter to me?\” Principal Zhan burst out laughing after hearing this. \”That\’s not okay. You wrote the letter to me. You didn\’t say you were just lending it to me to read.\” At this point, the story about the letter has changed. When the matter was brought up again, Principal Zhan explained his approach. The child is indeed not wrong. She came to this school feeling angry and had to vent her anger. The principal is the authority of a school, and for children, challenging authority is a very satisfying thing in itself. After scolding her, she felt at peace and her mood became stable. I did nothing but comforted a child\’s heart. Looking at this incident, Principal Zhan has no airs and is very kind. This is one of his \”features\”. Therefore, he is also known as a \”wonder\” in the education world. As of this year, Zhan Danian has been the principal for 34 years. At first, he found that in order to increase the enrollment rate, the school always \”tortured\” poor students. Either persuade them to quit or give up directly. He does not agree with this \”elimination\” system. But the current environment is like this, and it is difficult to change. After much thought, he came up with a bold idea – could he run a school that only admitted \”poor students\”? So he resigned from the school and started planning. In 2011, he founded \”Ugly Duckling Middle School\” in Kunming. At first glance, this name seems very labelling, but it has a certain meaning. Zhan Danian explained: \”The \’ugly duckling\’ is a type of white swan. When it grows up, it will fly into the blue sky.\” The \”ugly duckling\” is also known asAs a \”problem student\”. It specifically refers to students who have various problems such as being tired of studying, Internet addiction, and suicidal tendencies. Since the establishment of the school, more than 2,000 \”problem students\” have been admitted here. Just like the girl who wrote a letter scolding Principal Zhan. The girl\’s \”problem\” is considered relatively minor. Some children have already been out of school for a year at home; some have become depressed and have failed to commit suicide many times; and some have just come out of \”mental hospitals.\” Almost all of them were \”deceived\” by their parents. When they first arrived at school, they went their own way. At first, Principal Zhan thought there was something really wrong with the child. When he tried to get into the child\’s heart, he realized that he was wrong. Rather than the “problem”, what matters more is the reason behind it. He once conducted a survey on 100 students. Among 100 students, 74 are in divorced, single-parent or left-behind families. When these children encounter problems, no one gives them guidance, let alone care. Over time, they become rebellious and go to extremes. But from beginning to end, the parents didn\’t care about the crux of the problem. A parent of a student complained to Principal Zhan: \”I can command thousands of troops, but I can\’t command a \’bastard\’ like my child.\” Upon hearing this, Principal Zhan knew that the problem lay in the word \”command.\” The child is not a bird or beast, so why should we command him? There is also a girl who engages in self-mutilation and always calls her parents \”a bitch for a dog.\” Principal Zhan felt that the child had serious psychological problems. Her parents thought it was because of her poor academic performance. Funny to say, these parents are university teachers. So what about \”Kochi\”, they only have scores in their eyes. Principal Zhan felt helpless and pathetic. So, how to help these \”problem students\” eliminate their problems? This is a tough question. However, Principal Zhan has his own \”secret\”. Principal Zhan calls himself the father of a \”problem child\”. As a \”father\”, I naturally have to do my best. He posted a photo in every classroom in the school. There is a sentence in the photo: The principal will help you at any time. And attach your contact information. When facing students, he mainly follows two principles. 1. Freedom and self-discipline. Li Zhenxi, the principal of Chengdu Wuhou Experimental Middle School, once visited the Ugly Duckling Middle School. When I walked into the student dormitory, I found that the room was spotless, with tofu-shaped quilts and various hand-painted patterns on the walls. Principal Zhan said: \”It was drawn by the students themselves. They can draw whatever they want. We will not interfere.\” Including the dormitory management system, it is also decided by the students. Each dormitory system is different, they can set whatever they want. Principal Zhan never goes to check the dormitory. If he has to go, he will first ask the children: \”Can I visit your dormitory?\” He uses \”visit\” instead of \”inspection\”. Get closer to your children at once. A reporter from the \”Beijing News\” once asked Principal Zhan a question: \”These children have great personalities and ideas. Are they difficult to manage?\” He said: \”It is not difficult to manage. Because they have ideas, desire autonomy, desire freedom, and desire to be trusted. , eager to be cared for, can\’t you just give them these? I don\’t think you should care about it, the students are not responsible for it.\” Does that mean that everything is decided by the children themselves? of course not. The school stipulates that students can surf the Internet freely every Monday night. Some teachers and parents are puzzled: Some children are obviously addicted to the Internet. Why?Should we let them go online? Principal Zhan said: \”Internet addiction and surfing the Internet are two different things. I told the children that I know the benefits and harms of letting you go online, but you can play within the specified time.\” The children are very conscious. I even used 7 months of Internet time to compile a book for Principal Zhan. Only when freedom has boundaries can we learn self-discipline. And these children are benefiting from this little by little. 2. Criticism and guidance. Once, a boy hid in the toilet and smoked. When Principal Zhan found out, he found the boy. As soon as he came, he asked: \”I heard that you were hiding in the toilet and smoking?\” The boy lowered his head and did not dare to speak. He continued: \”It\’s right to smoke in the toilet because you know you can\’t smoke in public places. But it\’s wrong for you to smoke. You don\’t know how pitiful it is to smoke in the toilet.\” After hearing this, the boy sighed. In one sentence: \”Principal, I know I was wrong and I will never smoke again.\” In fact, he was not here to persuade the boy not to smoke. It\’s normal to hide in the toilet and smoke, but you still need to be criticized. Criticism does not mean blindly belittling, but rather affirming his behavior first. As Principal Zhan said: “Only when children are raised and loved can design be inspired and education possible.” In other words, first establish a relationship with children through some methods, such as praise, so that children can be affirmed and become dependent on you. Criticize again. But there is also a situation where a child makes a serious mistake that even escalates to a physical conflict. What should we do? In Ugly Duckling Middle School, the most serious treatment is to take them to the psychological consultation room. Let the psychological teacher slowly communicate with the child. For example, there was a little boy who always took pleasure in provoking his teacher. Take the lead in making noise, causing trouble, and doing all kinds of \”bad things\”. The psychology teacher asked him to chat many times, but he refused every time. One time in class, he was disruptive again, and the psychology teacher criticized him. When asked, do you know that you are wrong? He refused to admit his fault. Afterwards, Principal Zhan went to the psychology teacher and said, \”If the student did something wrong, just tell him he is wrong. Why do you have to admit it?\” The psychology teacher realized that the problem was not all with the child, but also with his own attitude. She adjusted her mentality, truly put away her hostility from the bottom of her heart, and then slowly approached the child. Finally, the little boy felt valued and agreed to sit down and chat calmly. All 5 volumes of If History Is a Group of Meows e-book download + a collection of animated classic historical stories. Since the establishment of Ugly Duckling Middle School, more than 300 children suffering from depression have been cured. Children\’s needs are seen and truly met. At the same time, every child should be allowed to create his or her own value. 60% of the children in Ugly Duckling Middle School have poor resistance to frustration. But it doesn\’t matter, the teacher will arrange for each person to do what they can according to their strengths. For example, organize activities to divide labor and cooperate so that every child can participate. This can give them a sense of accomplishment and rebuild their self-confidence. In ordinary schools, everyone always talks about sex, but Ugly Duckling Middle School puts \”sex\” on the table. Professional teachers will explain sex from a psychological perspective, a personality perspective, and a character perspective, and guide students to treat love and sex correctly. One parent scolded Principal Zhan: \”My son seems to be in love at your school.\” Principal Zhan replied with a smile: \”Your peach tree didn\’t bloom just because it was planted here. Spring is here.Wherever you plant it, it will bloom. \”Another time, a boy hung a painting on the bed in the dormitory. There was a very vague sentence in the painting: If God gives me another chance, I will say to that girl… Seeing this scene, Principal Zhan did not He blamed boys, but he felt it was wonderful. He said: \”It\’s such a wonderful thing for a boy to have a crush on a girl. \”The secretion of hormones in youth is inevitable for physiological development. It cannot be escaped or stopped. A mother asked Principal Zhan for help: \”My son has just turned 12 years old. I found that he has been watching pornographic films recently. I am very anxious. I want to tell him but I don\’t know. how to say. Principal Zhan replied to her: \”You can explain to your children the physical and psychological differences between boys and girls, you can also talk about your own psychological confusion in adolescence, you can also tell your parents\’ love stories, and you can also show your children some adolescent sex education materials. . The mother was puzzled: \”He is only 12 years old. Is it too early to talk about this?\” Principal Zhan shook his head and said, \”The children have already crossed the river, and you are still touching the stones?\” Sex education for children is to let them grow. How can it affect growth? \”Spring is here, and the flowers are blooming. \”Sex\” is not a scourge. Don\’t avoid it, guide it and lead it. This is also the connotation of education: respect human nature and pay attention to individuality. Otherwise, it is not education. Some people will be curious, what should students read? After finishing junior high school, where to go next? Ugly Duckling Middle School is a closed management school. The school curriculum arrangement is different from that of ordinary middle schools. It studies cultural courses prescribed by the state, as well as school-created courses such as psychology classes, club classes, and military courses. Training, etc. These self-created courses are not to prepare for exams, but to help students find themselves. Ugly Duckling Middle School changed the Political and Education Department into the Psychology Department. Here, children can speak freely. Principal Zhan said: \”The children are all I went in crying and came out smiling. It\’s better to do it with a smile. It doesn\’t matter whether he admits his mistake or not. In fact, we adults often make mistakes throughout our lives, but do more good things. ” They also call homework work. Because the homework is completed for others, and the work is their own, students will complete it with great concentration. In addition to completing the work, students also participated in many extracurricular activities. Such as dancing, speeches, and recitations , playing guitar, etc. The art festival is held every year in Yiliang County, Kunming, and the Ugly Duckling Middle School will participate, and it will come first every time. Principal Zhan’s wife said: \”I took our children to participate in the competition. As soon as they appeared, the children Their mental outlook shocked the entire audience. Some principals even said: \”Ugly Duckling Middle School should not come next year. Let me win the first prize.\” \”Every child has his or her own spark, and what the teacher needs to do is to awaken it. Talking about the enrollment rate, Principal Zhan said: \”If the success rate must be represented by the enrollment rate, the success rate is not high. If the success rate is based on the child\’s ability to correctly recognize self-worth and return to a normal state of life, it would be 100%. \”This is not rhetoric. There is a boy named Lu Yabin, who is the first class student of Ugly Duckling Middle School and just graduated from Nanjing University this year. Principal Zhan asked him to return to school to help host a party. At the party, he shared his story. Chu ChuIn his second year, he changed five schools. His father was completely disappointed with him and finally sent him to Ugly Duckling Middle School. When he first arrived, he had a particularly bad temper. Once, he shouted on the playground: I want to kill someone. The reason is that he made a mistake and the teacher criticized him. Principal Zhan told him, \”If you want to beat the teacher, go ahead.\” He said, \”But I can\’t beat him.\” After a conversation with Principal Zhan, he lost his temper. Then he said he wanted to learn calligraphy. Principal Zhan went to a classroom specifically to ask him to write. Later, he vowed to pass high school and college, and he did it. Ten years later, when he returned to school again, he burst into tears. It was Principal Zhan and this extremely inclusive school that \”saved\” him. He said on the stage in front of everyone: \”I am now committed to Principal Zhan. If you need me in the future, just give me a call and I will be there at any time!\” The \”ugly duckling\” will always turn into a \”white swan\”, as long as you water it with your heart. . There was another girl who came to Ugly Duckling Middle School with resentment. She resisted from the beginning until she couldn\’t bear to leave. All this is due to Principal Zhan. She said: \”Zhan and I seem to be just friends. We don\’t have the same sense of distance as other principals. We don\’t have to be restricted. We can talk about anything.\” Principal Zhan taught her to understand her parents and helped her regain her confidence. After leaving the Ugly Duckling, she promised Principal Zhan: I will be admitted to high school! There are many, many similar stories. The back wall of the classroom is covered with messages from graduating students. \”Three years ago, we walked together like strangers; three years later, we separated as good friends, reluctant to part, which is sad.\” \”Bloom the most brilliant smile and give a better dream for tomorrow.\” \”Only eternity Our thoughts and blessings resonate deeply in each other\’s hearts.\” Can you believe that these affectionate words came from the mouths of \”problem students\”? When they arrived they were noisy, unwilling and rebellious. Reluctant to leave when I leave, there are gains and dreams. This is not a miracle, but the real \”meaning\” of education. Principal Zhan said: \”I never thought about failure, nor did I think about going bankrupt. I just thought that if I could bring an abandoned child back to a normal life, it would be a success; if I could bring a family that was on the verge of collapse, it would be a success. To find laughter and hope is happiness.\” So he handed himself \”naked\” to the child. Be their guide and give life another path. On Teacher’s Day in 2019, Principal Zhan wrote this: Life comes and goes naturally. There are no special events in life. Coax your children and teach yourself, every day. That\’s good. One person, one lifetime, one heart, one good deed, can change a person. This is his original intention as a teacher for many years, and it is also the \”purpose\” of Ugly Duckling Middle School. A parent once said: \”What an unpleasant name the ugly duckling is. How nice it is to call it a duckling.\” Principal Zhan replied: \”When the duckling grows up, it will be eaten, and when the ugly duckling grows up, it will fly.\” Yes. , these \”ugly ducklings\” came to the \”ugly duckling school\” at an ignorant and helpless age. After being cared for, they spread their wings and took off again. When the \”ugly ducklings\” have passed half their lives, they will look back and realize that they were originally white swans.