What should I do if my child has low self-esteem? It turns out that there is such a family behind it all…

Children who are pushed away will deeply feel that \”I am not lovable.\” Children who are hit will deeply feel that \”I can\’t do it.\” At a party a few days ago, a friend who is a teacher talked about a child, and everyone cried. The little girl is 8 years old and in second grade. She is a delicate and beautiful child. But she was too inferior and never dared to raise her hand to answer questions. When the teacher called on her, she stood up and was so nervous that she couldn\’t say a word, and the tip of her nose was sweating. The little girl usually walks with her body hunched over, carrying a big bag, and never looks up at anyone. When others spoke to her, she would occasionally reply softly, keeping her eyes on the ground. King Pi in the class always loved to bully her, hiding her homework, throwing her erasers into the trash can, and giving her nicknames. What they like most is imitating her walk and then laughing. I went to visit her home and found out that her parents were divorced. The father has a bad temper and feels that taking care of his daughter is dragging him down. If her test scores were not good, she would be slapped. Grandparents are getting old, sometimes they can protect her, sometimes they can\’t. Children with low self-esteem regard themselves as little monsters, trembling in other people\’s world. The damage is their tattoos. Not every child has such deep scars, but low self-esteem is a worry for many children. A child with low self-esteem is full of pain and devaluation of himself. In the face of opportunities, I didn\’t dare to show off. I had blood marks on my little hands, and I didn\’t dare to sign up for the choir with the teacher. Deep in my heart, I long for appreciation and maintain my self-esteem, but I don’t know how to do it. To cope, children dress their low self-esteem in different guises. Such as shrinking and loneliness. Some children stop communicating with others and avoid everyone after being laughed at by their classmates. In this way, you get a false sense of security and escape the pain of having your self-esteem thrown to the ground and trampled on. Such as being sensible and pleasing. Such children are the most considerate and always willing to take care of others. Just like a flower that has fallen into the dust, you will always have a little pity for me. For example, \”can\’t afford to lose\” and \”glass heart\”. Some children have very strong self-esteem and are very competitive. Even if they get a score of 95, they will still cry because they are not the first. They cover their eyes tightly, afraid that if they see any shortcomings in themselves, their self-esteem will be shattered. Such as arrogance. Watching a tiger in the zoo, the arrogant child dared to spit at the tiger, and inadvertently learned to use provocation to pretend to be strong. Introverted and soft children often express their inferiority complex by being withdrawn and sensible, while extroverted and strong children like to use perfection and arrogance to cover up their inferiority complex. One day, the child will grow up. But their low self-esteem and their response to low self-esteem will torture them throughout their lives. But where does the child\’s low self-esteem come from? Why would an innocent and beautiful life prick itself to pieces with deep derogation? In fact, everyone has the potential to have low self-esteem. Psychologist Adler said that everyone is born with low self-esteem. Some children grow out of their low self-esteem and gain self-confidence. But other children turn their inferiority complex into their personality background. Why? Sometimes it is the injuries in life that cause children to fall into the pain of \”I am bad\”. In the picture book \”Marilyn the Big Whale\”, Marilyn was so fat that her classmates gave her the nickname \”The Big Whale\”. rightFor her, swimming lessons became a huge ordeal. She was afraid of the splash when she jumped out of the swimming pool. She was afraid that the splash would be accompanied by the laughter of her classmates, \”Big whale! Big whale!\” She became inferior to herself. In the little girl\’s heart, the nickname \”Big Whale\” was a kind of hurt and humiliation, which made her fall into a deep inferiority complex. But more often than not, the inferiority complex deep in a child\’s heart comes from the upbringing of his parents. There is a concept in psychology called \”mirror reflection\”. Just like we see our appearance in the mirror, we also see our soul in the \”mirror\”. This \”mirror\” refers to the way others treat us. When others treat us gently and kindly, like us sincerely, often praise us, and encourage us, we will see how beautiful and precious we are. When others beat and scold us roughly, push us away in disgust, criticize us and belittle us often, we see our own inferiority and inferiority. Parents are a child’s first mirror and the most important mirror in a child’s life. Zhihu netizen Li Laotou told a sad story: When he was in kindergarten, one day he heard that his fathers were in a restaurant, so he and his friends happily ran to have a meal. The friend\’s father held his son on his lap with a caring face, while his own father yelled, \”Go home and find your mother.\” He remembered that moment. His little friend\’s eyes were full of happiness, but his father\’s eyes were full of shame and anger. He hid himself and cried for a long time. From then on, I had a thought in my heart: I am not as good as others, and my father does not love me. The child ran towards his father with joy, but his father was ashamed of him and roughly pushed him away. The sad and scared child saw in this mirror: I am not lovable, I am not worthy of love. From then on, every similar response is a confirmation of this belief. Over time, it eventually becomes the child\’s truth. Over time, the memory will become blurred, but the truth settled in the subconscious is unbreakable. In addition to pushing away and ignoring, there is another common method used by parents to create inferiority complex in their children called \”hitting\”. He always compares his own weaknesses with the strengths of others, and gets upset over innocuous little things, such as bad handwriting and singing out of tune… No matter how good he is, he still has the shadow of inferiority in his heart. There are many righteous reasons for parents to attack their children, such as fearing that their children will be proud, forcing their children to make progress, or being annoyed by their children… But if we honestly ask ourselves, we will find that it is not so simple. Sometimes when we scold our children, deep down, we are venting our desire to attack and satisfying our condescending sense of superiority. Parents are good mirrors, so children will have solid self-confidence. A good mirror, one who knows how to appreciate it sincerely. In \”Mom is Superman\”, Humph, who has countless fans, not only has high emotional intelligence, but also a truly confident child. What you like is full of enthusiasm and enthusiasm. If you don\’t like something, say it out loud. Huo Siyan often looked at Uhm with admiring eyes, sincerely admiring him: You know so much! This kind of loving appreciation allows children to see the shining parts of themselves. The child has full self-confidence and is not arrogant, so he calmly said to his mother: I am smart because you are smart. A good mirror knows how to accept it fully. When filming \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, many netizens expressed their disapproval of Uh-huh\’s \”willful\”\” He was dissatisfied and blamed Du Jiang for being \”too doting\”. For example, when playing a game to choose a house, the other children obeyed the arrangements, and only Uhm-hem said to the village chief, \”I don\’t want to participate.\” Under the eyes of hundreds of millions of viewers, Du Jiang did not consider his own face, but fully accepted the children\’s emotions and feelings, and respected the choice of humming. No one\’s mind is perfect, no matter adults or children. We have the ability to catch the \”uncuteness\” of our children and allow them to fully express their hearts. Only then can they build a palace of confidence on solid ground, not quicksand. All the mother\’s efforts to turn things into miracles come from motivating her children, encouraging them to gain a sense of accomplishment through independent attempts, and patiently waiting for their children to hone their talents into extraordinary things. When we inspire the strongest side of a child\’s nature, the child will use sweat and achievements to sublimate inferiority into a gentle humility towards life. I believe that is the best place for low self-esteem.