What should I do if my child is timid? Never encourage him like this again

Today, we talk about a problem that many parents will encounter – what should I do if my child is timid? For example: afraid of water, heights, and the dark; hiding behind family members when meeting strangers; afraid of small animals, and will be frightened by noisy toys… These behaviors are considered \”timid\” by adults. For children, it\’s fear. Most children will experience various fears as they grow up: children before the age of two are afraid of being separated from their mother, afraid of being alone, afraid of too much noise and unfamiliar environments; children between 2 and 4 years old, Some are afraid of small animals, the dark, imaginary monsters, ghosts and gods; for children aged 5 to 6, the objects of fear will be more complex: fear of doctors, fear of strangers, fear of water, fear of lightning… As the child ages, With the growth of children, the objects of fear are also constantly changing. In adolescence, there will be fear of social environment and interpersonal communication. Many of these fears will disappear with age, and some of them, if not handled well in childhood, will be difficult to overcome even as adults. To interpret a child\’s fear, we must first understand the source of the child\’s fear. How do fears arise in children? As the old saying goes, \”Newborn calves are not afraid of tigers.\” In other words, the younger the child, the less fearful he is. What are the video tutorials on children\’s sensory integration training methods? 80 lessons, 80GB. However, during the socialization process of children, affected by the environment and education, their behavior gradually begins to withdraw, and fear and anxiety begin to appear. For example, if parents are afraid of a certain thing or phenomenon and do not hide it in front of their children, the children will be easily affected. I know a friend who is very afraid of bugs. When she was 4 or 5 years old, she could catch bugs and play with them. But when she grew up, she would run away from bugs whenever she saw them. When she was a child, every time she squatted down to observe small bugs, her mother would pull her away in horror: \”Oh, bugs are so disgusting!\” Her mother\’s overreaction unconsciously planted the seeds of her fear of bugs. Some parents are too worried about their children. They are afraid that their children will be injured or sick and restrict many of their children\’s actions, which can also lead to timidity in their children. This one can\’t be touched, that one can\’t be touched. It seems that every movement of the child is hidden in their eyes. The child stops in the scolding. What he is afraid of is not the things in front of him, but the mother\’s roar. This kind of voice hinders the children\’s exploration, making them restrained, timid and cowardly, and finally they agree with their mother\’s statement: everything around them is dangerous. There is another kind of fear that is frightened out by parents intentionally or unintentionally. Some netizens once summed up the \”Four Shadows of Childhood\”: the doctor who pricks children with needles, the old man who collects scraps and abducts children, the monster who hides in dark corners and eats children, and the police uncle who specializes in catching disobedient children. This kind of scare is very common around us. In order to make the children calm down temporarily, some adults will use some things or people to scare the children. A casual threat will be deeply remembered by the children and become a deep-rooted fear in their hearts. In other words, we cannot entirely blame the children for being timid. We adults also have a certain amount of responsibility. Adults have a huge influence on children\’s fears, but in our culture, \”courage\”\”Small\” is a derogatory word. We make our children timid and then turn around and blame them. As the old saying goes: \”Support the bold to death and starve to death the timid.\” \”If a person is not brave enough, he is often regarded as a sign of being \”worthless\”. I once saw a little boy who was scolded by an old man because he did not dare to touch the neighbor\’s pet dog: \”You are such a kid. Useless. \”However, this kind of crude response to children\’s fear makes the child\’s fear index increase instead of decreasing. \”There is nothing to be afraid of\” is ineffective. A mother took her 5-year-old son to play in the children\’s playground. The slides inside are bigger than those in the kindergarten. The slide was much higher. My son was standing on the slide hesitantly. His mother was cheering him on: \”It\’s so high. What are you afraid of!\” Finally, the father couldn\’t stand it anymore and pushed him down forcefully. The child was so frightened that he cried and shouted: \”I don\’t want to play with this anymore!\” \”We are too easy to dismiss children\’s fears. When a child is afraid, we are used to saying to him: \”There is nothing to be afraid of\” \”How can you be afraid of that? \”\”That\’s all fake\” seems to be encouragement, but in fact it is a cruel response: asking children to be bold and brave when they are most afraid. Once they fail to meet their parents\’ requirements, they will be labeled as worthless and worthless. Labels used. From an adult\’s point of view, there will be no monsters under the bed, the neighbor\’s dog will not rush up and bite, the height of the slide will not hurt the child… Children\’s fears are always so absurd. In fact, children The fear is real and bothers him deeply. A child who is experiencing fear has an alarm blaring in his mind. We advise him not to be afraid, which is actually a mockery of his fear. Understatement Reaction will make him more insecure, and the alarm bell in his mind will also tell him that it is dangerous to relax his vigilance. Remember Lawrence Cohen wrote in \”Nudge: Helping Children Get Out of Withdrawal and Anxiety\”: \”Help children face When we are afraid, of course we need to push our children, but we must do so gently and patiently. He gave this example of a bodyguard: If you say to the bodyguard standing next to the president: \”Friend, you look too nervous, why don\’t you relax a little!\” \”This will not make the other party feel relaxed. On the contrary, this indifferent attitude will aggravate the other party\’s anxiety. So when the child is afraid, it is useless to always say: \”Don\’t be afraid\”. Instead, the child will feel your fear. Belittle and deny, lose trust in you. A child who is experiencing fear, under high stress, what he desires most is not to escape, but to seek protection. This is what all people who have experienced fear long for: to be seen , be accepted and protected. The child needs you to accept his fear and tell him that you will protect him and stay with him. This kind of protection is a psychological sense of security. Only in this way can the child have courage in his heart. To face what he fears. How to help children overcome their fears? American child psychologist Thelma Freberg once said: “There is no parenting method that can completely prevent children from experiencing anxiety. At every stage of human development, we face a variety of harms and dangers. Many fears are unavoidable and,There is no need to avoid it. \”Fear is an unavoidable emotional experience for children. We can only guide children step by step to face the things or situations that cause fear. Step 1: As mentioned above, fear is human nature. Don\’t deny your children To overcome fear, open your arms and give your child a hug to give him a sense of security. We don’t have to raise a child who is not afraid of heaven or earth. For example, if your child encounters a somewhat vicious dog on the road, don’t say repeatedly: \”Don\’t be afraid, he won\’t bite you. Instead, acknowledge the child\’s fear and help the child learn to express feelings: \”You feel a little scared, don\’t you?\” Come, let me hold your hand. \”Only when a child gains a sense of security can he take the first step to try. The second step is to let the child recognize and understand the things that scare him. Fear comes from the unknown. If we understand more about the object of fear, we may Not so scared. For example, many children are afraid of thunder and lightning. We need to talk to the child about what he is afraid of and guide the child to tell what he is afraid of: is he afraid of the sound of thunder, or is he afraid that he will be in danger? During the chat, you can provide your children with popular meteorological knowledge and teach them the correct response measures: \”When you were a child, your parents were afraid of thunder just like you, but when they grow up, they are no longer afraid! \”Look at how big we have grown, and we haven\’t encountered any danger.\” \”Thunder and lightning are a natural phenomenon…\” Discussions like this can help children figure out the whole thing, and the fear alarm will slowly be lifted. Rather than blindly encouraging children to be brave, be more patient and help them Only by knowing what is fearful can you have the courage to face it. Only love can eliminate children\’s inner fear. Click \”Like\” at the end of the article, I hope all children can have the courage to fear.